Reviews for Gavin: The Blueberry Plot: July 2027
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
Personally, I think this is another of those stories that could really benefit from slowing down a bit. A lot of it moves quite fast, especially at the start where there's a lot of people introduced. It's hard to keep track of them all. I like the twins, and I really think you could build on their emotions, especially Abby as I imagine she would be torn - maybe build up more at the start on how she wants to go home, show her conflicted feelings a bit more in the middle and then show more of how she now wants to stay. Again, it'll help the readers relate to the characters. Some of the dialogue feels a bit awkward and stiff, so maybe just look over and see if you can make it a bit more natural. Watch out for instances where words are used when they don't need to be; [He snatched the money their dad paid them with and stole out the back door.] 'paid them with' sounds a bit awkward. Maybe (money their dad had paid them and stole..) I think you could also build it up more in the last paragraph; again, maybe expand on his emotions and how he's feeling. Just a few ideas. As always, hope they help.
Salko chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
Although I'm not familiar with these characters (from what I've gathered, you've written about them before), I enjoyed this nonetheless! Your descriptions are all just lovely; particularly the scene in which they picked the blueberries.

You've created a very warm sense of community through the characters' dialogue, as well as Ethan and Abby's frustration. Their naivety is very endearing.

Well done!
p.s. I have an uncle called RaurĂ­.

From the Roadhouse ;]
notveryalice chapter 1 . 10/6/2012
I liked the imagery you use. I think you have a good eye for detail and especially liked your description of Annabelle showing Ethan and Abby how to pick the blueberries-I could picture the scene perfectly.

I know you're writing from Ethan's point of view for the most part (3rd person limited), so the Americanisms make sense, but be careful: from what I know, lemonade is strictly a fizzy drink in Ireland (like it is in the U.K., where I grew up), and tea isn't often served cold. Sun tea is something I haven't really seen often outside the U.S. and Canada. I haven't visited Ireland, though, so I may be wrong.