Reviews for FACELESS: A Tale of Terror
Anla'Shok chapter 1 . 5/11/2013
*In the dim light of my bedroom, cast by a single candlestick that made shadows dance on the ceiling, I sought her smiling face. It anchored my life, and my world.*
Okay, I already know something horrible is going to happen to the mother. It's such a fairy-tale phrasing that it's going to shatter.

I didn't even need the omens of our priests to tell me!
Even if the protagonist is a squealing 5 year old, exclamation marks should be used very sparingly outside dialog, or direct inner dialog. (personally, they pull me out of the narration unless they follow very short dramatic sentences).

I really like how you slowly ease us into this universe, showing us the setting and the government type (theocracy I suppose) without lapsing into telling.

A faceless being with a maw... How... not reassuring. Nice imagery. Although the child knows the word 'visage' but not maw? It makes sense if visage is used in all the prayers.

"I believe that about our god, but people make mistakes..."
Five year olds rarely get that adults can make mistakes. Maybe phrasing it "but you told me more than once than even grown people make mistakes" would be more age appropriate and take away nothing from the child's cleverness.

The ritualized way in which mother and daughter ask questions at a formal atmosphere that is very perceptible. I like it even if I can't explain it.

I also liked that the child thinks with words like 'queries' and 'vex' but compares annoyance to baby wasps.

Cheerful, kindly priests and a child who doubts. This whole section leaves you waiting for answers.

Isn't it convenient though ? Priests are the only ones who can hear the faceless and then they can oppress the population without anyone being able to challenge them.

I got a little confused during the part with the high priestess. Why did she wait so long before speaking out? I mean, you said the Exarch thought she was insane but I still don't really get it. Why didn't she talk to the other priests? Are they all really cowards? Couldn't she have taught them the words? Or did she wait for the narrator because she was sure that the child's faith was strong enough since she had volunteered.

I also don't understand why the people who pose the greatest risk to the Exarch's rule would be the ones to volunteer unless he asks them specifically to volunteer? I mean, there's no guarantee the most self sacrificing and pious would be his enemies.

Interesting take on power, religion and faith. It's well written with enough good concepts to make the worldbuilding solid (the 'commandments', the number 8...).

The third last paragraph (I've been one of the visages...) feels a little rushed with lots of things said and a weird timeline (it sounds the mother found out about the truth of that night years later and her death is mentioned almost as an afterthought)

This is good.
Armpit chapter 1 . 10/24/2012
I do not see why it didn't show my review, but whatever

It seems that not even the 'holiest' of beings are the pure ones!
Though I find it rather frigidly ironic that the Exarch didn't have his face removed: he could have easily been like the main character before he was corrupted
Also, clever use of the number '8' and the number of infinity!
I find this type of society rather unique in comparison to the ones I've seen before, and the language itself is interesting as well; this could easily be seen as a fantasy or a post-apocalyptic settings

Keep up the good work!
Armpit chapter 1 . 10/22/2012
A nice take on a a dystopian future, as well as the take on the number '8' and infinity
Really nice take on the religion; I am curious how the face process works, the ancient language and of the Exarch's heel face change
And from what I am getting that the main character was 9 at the time when she volunteered? da-aymn
This is a pretty good story, keep up the good work! :)