|Reviews for Sweet Rose Blackened|
| lizzabet chapter 9 . 6/14/2013
This chapter was really scary. Just imagine not remembering. It leaves me with a very frustrated feeling. My heart was really beating rapidly and I just wanted to find out more! God, it's so good! Please hurry!:D
| lizzabet chapter 8 . 6/14/2013
Oh. My. God. I knew there was something in that drink, but before he handed it to her I didn't think he would do anything like that. Though, wouldn't put anything pass him. He's a scum.
I really jumped with joy when I saw that you had updated and I'm still smiling bc of it(ot smiling bc of the content of this chapter). You did an awesome job with this chapter too and I'm looking forward to reading more:D
| lizzabet chapter 7 . 6/13/2013
I'm almost in tears bc I love this story and you haven't updated in so long! I was afraid of beginning chapter 7 since I saw that it was the last one and she still hadn't gotten away from Mitch.
I still love your way of writing and I really hope you will continue this soon bc I'm dying over here! Awesome job!
| adrian-lavan chapter 1 . 10/5/2012
This is just over chapter one-I will try to critique chapter 2 separately in the next couple days.
Overall, I think that the story is okay-I'm assuming that the focus is going to be around Malissa and Mitch and a potential relationship. I think the set up to that effect is done fairly well. I only have a couple of real concerns.
First, the beginning didn't do much to "hook" me. I think you did a more effective job with the synopsis, especially where it mentions a "fractured childhood." I remember reading that and thinking that it was an interesting turn of phrase and I wanted to know more. However, I feel like from the story, Malissa (and is it supposed to be Melissa? I've never heard of the name Malissa) seems rather normal. There is no hint of repressed anger at her parents, no flashes of memories that make no sense, no voices, etc. If she is "fractured", I'd like to see it come out in the characterization. Some traits to consider might be being withdrawn (common with child abuse) to fits of misplaced rage (common with sexual assault survivors). I'd like to see a little more of her that defies the "goody two-shoes" image I feel like I got.
The second concern I have is really more or a warning. I personally think that the thing that divides professional-level and amature grade writing is whether I am "shown" the action or "told" the information. I think that sometimes you have a tendency to tell instead of show. For instance, instead of saying that her mother worried, show it to us-perhaps she can quote her mother's "be safe" speech word for word? This is a difficult concept to find your way around because it feels way easier to tell the reader. I don't want to offer you too many ideas of ways to show rather than tell because that can limit where you feel like you can go. The best advice I can give is to read it (out loud if you can) and consider what parts feel weakest or too full of description. Then try and show us why someone feels that way or make a person's appearance part of conversation or an internal comparison, etc.
I'd be happy to take another look at a re-write if you decide to write one and I think the story seems to be going somewhere. I look forward to finding out in chapter two-but after some sleep since I've been up for 19 hours already. :)