|Reviews for The Ex-Boyfriend Dilemma|
| ohsocyanide chapter 2 . 11/11/2012
I like your characters a lot. They seem like the sort of gay best friends you'd find in a normal city, though mine has a stunning lack of them. :(
This reads quite a bit like normal running though process, and though that works for some stories, I think slowing it down and describing some things may be good for characterization and scene setup.
| ImmanenceEnsured chapter 2 . 11/3/2012
I absolutely loved the first chapter. So much so that it could easily stand alone as a oneshot. It’s brilliant, the little thoughts you sneak in, the way you describe the room and the characters and their little interactions and the thing with the jeans and the bad breath and everything. It’s cute and realistic and I can picture everything perfectly, even have the feeling I know these characters already. They’re lovable and you did a great job. Also, your writing style is funny and intelligent.
Second chapter opening with Chris is amazing also. Kyle’s thoughts are yet again incredibly amusing, the way he ponders if he should kill Chris, go see a therapist, flee from the earthquake. Awesome.
I did get confused at the end though and had to go back to the first chapter, because there I thought Kyle had been sleeping with Mark, but actually that was Chris, and they hadn’t been sleeping with each other, Chris just woke him up? That was confusing because you didn’t use his name until the very end. But well whatever, still awesome.
| ohsocyanide chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
I think you have a very strong idea here, but there are a lot of grammar mistakes that could be cleaned up with a good proofreading. The summary could be cleaned up a bit as well. If you're not good with grammar, I would suggest looking for a beta reader with strengths focusing on that area.
With that being said, though, I do have suggestions for you: this chapter does need to be longer and snappier to garnish some attention. Also, if you return reviews, advertising that will gain you some more feedback as well.
This is a very strong idea, and I think with work on the grammar and voice you would do very well with it. This is a unique idea that I actually haven't seen before, and it'll be interesting to see how you evolve with your writing and the plot.