|Reviews for Irretrievable|
| Mylilblackpen chapter 1 . 10/15/2012
I like the imagery which is really strong here. Although I don't understand the situation entirely but perhaps it is meant to be vague so that the reader can get out what they see. Maybe the blood on the teeth and the scarred tongue is a metaphor for holding in things that really should have been said.
Needless to say I think this is a great piece, perhaps it could be developed more but that's just a little suggestion - I'm just being picky I guess. Superb imagery and quite shocking in some lines - the blood and scars in the mouth just really freak me out because I can just picture it. It's actually making my mouth feel weird . anyway - a good piece!
| The Moon Howls At The Wolf chapter 1 . 10/11/2012
This is good. I like some of the immagery you insert, however I feel it needs to be developed more, as I don't understand the situation I am being put into. Is this a torture chamber? Is she being bled out? Who is the girl that is being saved? Are they of relation to the narrator? Why are they of importance to the narrator?
However, in a much more positive note, I love the ending! Although the begginning was sketchy to me, the ending held meaning, especially the 2nd to last sentence of "If it saves her, poor, helpless girl that she is, trapped in the confines of her own mind, if it sets her free, than all shall be well." That to me makes the whole poem! Love it, love it, love it! It contains emotion and gives meaning where it was missing. However, not the biggest fan of your last line "So be it." It doesnt seem to fit with the general tone of the piece. I mean the idea fits obviously, and it reaks of finality, just the wording seems off to me.
Sorry that this is so negative, and of course all are just suggestions.