|Reviews for Infection|
| majestic soul0827 chapter 31 . 2/18/2014
love it thanks you so much please continue
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
Hey there! I owe you a review for the mix up in the EF thread. :)
[My dad was also ready. I'm thankful he was a doomsday prepper.] Oh man, I'm the same exact way. I"m super paranoid about the end of the world sort of stuff, and I've thought about bunkers and stockpiling supplies. - But I find it kinda strange that the father didn't react to the zombies? I mean, as you put it, he seems like a paranoid person, like muhself, and I would think he would be the one driving the bandwagon to getting the hell outta that town and into those bunkers. I'm not saying I don't like this, but I am saying that I'm confused as to why this man is picky about what he's paranoid about.
[boyfriend Richard] You already stated that Richard is his boyfriend in the intro. Stating it again in the start of this second half makes it seem redundant, so I would recommend cutting it out and leaving just "Richard."
It doesn't make that much sense to me (UNLESS the zombies are deaf) as to why they're listening to music during a zombie invasion. I would assume they would want to make as less noise as possible, especially when it appears that their bunker is just at ground level (since it was stated that they could see the outside from the roof).
[The Civil Defence in California was crumbling and had abandoned south central LA.] Fuck, that's where I live ;-; lOl XD
["But, no one can get through the three layers of barbed wired and scale the containers?" he asked.] Yes, yes people can. I've seen enough zombie movies and docs. to assume as such. XD
What I liked: I liked Jeb, a lot. I have a soft spot for ultra hippie characters because they always seem to be the comic relief, and I love comic relief characters. I also liked that even though shit has seemed to hit that fan, they still play the national anthem and take a moment of silence for those who had died; it brings about the theme of hope.
What I didn't like: There really isn't anything that I disliked. I guess what bothered me (but just a little bit) was it seemed like you focused on the appearance of characters a lot. Personally, I tend to stray away from doing such because I like to leave the appearance to the imagination of the reader. But that's just me.
Anywho, overall, I'm interested in this story. :D
| lookingwest chapter 5 . 10/6/2013
Ack, omigosh, I forgot Kurt was only thirteen, obviously - or well, hopefully maybe, there won't be any slash involving him until he's a bit older. I don't know why I thought he was sixteen, apologies. It's cool for the clarification though here when Charles is talking to Tiffany, clears things up about them and also clears things up about their relationship. I liked that Charles was very straightforward with their situation.
Really strong opening section with Tiffany and I'm really super digging her character - it's great. I thought you handled her dialogue well too. I was really curious as to why she would attack them, but I think how you wrote it and her reasonings make sense. The gendered reasons really come into play here and I like how you play with them and how things might become more difficult for women in this type of situation - I mean, things already are, so it makes sense it would only get worse in panic mode. Really liked her, enjoyed her inclusion into the story!
| lookingwest chapter 4 . 10/6/2013
I liked the interaction between Kurt and Charles in the opening because I think it introduces the slash suggested elements into the story. Though nothing has really happened yet, it's obviously being hinted and I thought it was very interesting how Charles thought something might be wrong with him, like maybe he had been bitten. That says something maybe about the concept of his actions by stripping naked and how that comes across with another boy watching. So what I mean to say is, I'm looking forward to seeing how the relationship might further develop, if it even does - or if this was just a teaser thing. Especially because Kurt is so young.
Great job characterizing Rick more throughout the story with the way you have him mention his son. I also liked how the ending came about introducing some more foreshadowed conflict with staying away from the shelter too long. Things are developing nicely!
| lookingwest chapter 3 . 9/27/2013
I thought you did a good job showing the emotion that Kurt has for his dad when his dad dies, or well, not really dies but turns into a zombie. It was a really touching moment that reflects the brutality of this new world for everyone. The attention with the loose bullets were good images, I liked that, and it also evokes a certain sound for the scene too. The ending sounds good, moving plot along - I liked the description of the zombies on the street and everything. The (2) description of that janitor was really creepy, I liked that a lot - don't know the reference though. Overall, another good chapter!
| lookingwest chapter 2 . 9/25/2013
I'm glad to see that there's a departure from freddyburn's story, as I just got done giving returns to him before moving onto you - and so the zombie genre kind of thing is very fresh in my mind, haha. This chapter did a good job really narrowing focus on the setting and what life is like for Charles...or well, I'm thinking the narrator is Charles right? But then he finds another friend at the end whose name was Charlie? Maybe I'm getting confused because Charlie is a nickname for Charles. I dunno. ANYWAY. Yeah, I liked the build up the conflict here, the tension at the end was excellent. I think the ending scene was my favorite scene and it really shows the terribleness of the zombie situation - you have to confront people you loved and kill them...it's horrible. You captured that here, and I think you captured the panic as well. Well done with the end, I think it leaves us at a good point in the action, and leaves the reader wanting more.
| freddyburn chapter 29 . 9/17/2013
Opening: The opening could be fleshed out, in my opinion. It was interesting, don't get me wrong. But there seems to be so much made of the harvest that one would expect more. One would think that food, a vital element to survival, would warrant a longer chapter.
Ending: The ending was really interesting. I want to read more of the story to find out more. It raises a lot of questions that the reader wants answered.
Characters: I love the interaction between the characters in this chapter. It's easy to imagine how they have eased into their roles after the length of time they have been together. The introduction of the new character, Cathy, was unexpected. The fact that most of the female characters are pregnant seems a bit iffy though.
Writing: I love how you break the fourth wall with your writing, At times, it feels like a conversation, and I enjoy that. As someone who switches between characters in my own stories, I can related to that writing style. As a reader, it is interesting to see it in action. It keeps the pacing up.
| freddyburn chapter 30 . 9/16/2013
Characters: Your characters are unique. The whole "slash" element for the guys and the pregnancy for the girls is a well thought out way of making them different from others zombie characters. I like it.
Plot: Overall, the plot seems good. A little disjointed in places, but interesting.
Spelling/Grammar: Maybe think of a beta. I'm still free if you want one. Just, there are a few mistakes here and there.
Pace: Your pacing is a little rapid fire in places. You seem to want to get things out of the way very quickly. Not always a bad thing, but it can leave people wondering about things in the future and you may find yourself retconniong a few things in the future
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 9/15/2013
Whoa I am not even crapping you dude, I literally just read a zombie story yesterday that had CB radios in it and uses the same dividers for scene changes and even starts with a guy who liked to play video games. It's "Searching" by the user freddyburn, I think he reviewed in Depth yesterday too. But yeah - I'm just interested that they're similar, but they're a lot different too - zombie stories must be really taking off as a genre, eh? haha
Opening - I liked your opening, the logic of having playing video games and then actually surviving in a world riddled with zombies is kind of a fun one, reminds me of a lot of guy's fantasies probably, haha. Although COD was brushed off as not being worth it - I think a lot of COD players would feel differently about the gun knowledge, but yeah, that was an interesting aspect of your opening that I latched onto as a theme too. You have a good setup, it's very straightforward, you cut right to the chase, I appreciated that since the genre is so expectant, you've kind of got to go past the tropes and just give us what we know and go from there.
Character - I thought you did a great job characterizing Charles. I'm really interested in the Slash mentioned in the summary, and I can see that really making this story original from other zombie stories. Radio-Z and Karen was interesting too, because it felt like they really knew Karen even though they've never met her - because everyone is very connected through this traumatic event and everything. I liked that.
Setting - I'm glad we get some setup setting right in the opening. I think that worked to establish things as the chapter continued. Sensory detail could be worth adding, things like touch, taste, and smell that sometimes get the shaft when it comes to detailing out setting placements, but there wasn't a whole lot of moving here, so I think you established it well for now, once you get into the more action orientated scenes I'd keep the sensory details in mind.
Enjoyment - I enjoyed this, I've always liked zombie stuff and I like how this first chapter cuts to the chase of things. I also enjoyed the characters, they feel like they fit into tropes but they do so in an interesting and unique way - you're working within a genre and a big strength I think will be the developed Slash, really curious to see how that takes off with this. For a first story - well done!
| Cnconrad chapter 1 . 9/12/2013
Is the main character gay? Sounds like it from what I gathered although I'm not 100% sure if the main character is suppose to be a guy or girl.
Please include slash in your description for those of us that would like to avoid those kinds of stories.
| majestic soul0827 chapter 30 . 7/15/2013
keep it up i love where this is going and please read and review my story infected love
| AspiringWriter1989 chapter 1 . 7/3/2013
As this is your first story, I would probably say that this was pretty well written. Very impressive. I will be leaving reviews here and there to hopefully help you improve your story. Keep up the fantastic work
| majestic soul0827 chapter 29 . 6/21/2013
please keep up the chapters I look forward to reading your next one keep up the good work
| Ashbrie13 chapter 29 . 6/17/2013
Oooh so Amanda and the pregnant woman (Cathy) know each other. I wonder how they're gonna deal with the horde. Please update, this is really fun to read.
| majestic soul0827 chapter 28 . 6/10/2013
I loved it thank god Charles didn't die I would f been devastated