Reviews for A Dangerous Mind: A Game of Try Not to Die
Flowing Thoughts chapter 2 . 11/16/2012
So it was their own mistake that triggered the fire..
Clovis is the REBEL type of person and he wears glasses -swoon- i'm almost am imagining him in a perfect way..
That little girl is really scary indeed a crafted monster...

Flowing Thoughts chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
This was recomended to me by black maya as i was looking through Inadequate.
I like the start of the story and most of the Title of the story..
Clovis and Maxwell seems to be the opposite of a pole..
I so love Clovis character though he hasn't appeared yet but you said he is Charming and dangerous. So fitting for a perfect person in an underworld..
I like 'He was his own master just as he was his own slave'

JamASDFGHJKL8D chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Yes, because I'm so lazy logging in to my FP account, I'm jumping in as a guest reviewer. ._. OTL
And I tried making up a really really long name as a guest reviewer; that's as far as they allow the name to be. HaHAHA.. 8{D


Let's see. Erm, what do I say again? Oh, yes. I remember now.

Your style of writing is still as invigorating as always. Within the first two paragraphs of the story, you had already setup the pace, setting, and mood of the story. I'm fond of reading descriptions filled with the "feels" of excitement and adrenaline rush. It's exhilarating in way that - unconsciously - hold you breath waiting for the next movement, action, moment, scene takes place. You furrow your brows to whatever the character is saying or thinking.

It's really nice watching them walk towards an unknown path. It's even more enjoying to see them self-destruct and do something stupid or rash. 8D

As I've noticed in your story, you're letting your character be tangled up inside an invisible, dangerous and twisted thread, where a sleeping spider widow is ready to bare her poisonous claws and fangs. (I'm so in love with her and I don't actually care about the other characters. ;w; But I'll say more on that once I reach the next chapter. Hahahaha.. 8D)

Of course, this is just the first chapter, but I'm already in tenterhooks, waiting for more chapter updates. AND I DEMAND THAT YOU UPDATE SOON! OMAGAH!

I would like to know how you came up with the character names, though. And I can't set my foot on it, if whether, your characters are actually french or not. ._. But frenchies are sexy bishies. 8D /strokeslesmexyinvisiblemusta chie
Black Maya chapter 2 . 10/28/2012
This is me trying my best to sound coherent as possible.

Let me first take a deep breath, because I just squealed my ass off in our chat box. Okay, here goes my attempt at reviewing this chapter. (I swear my feels are still exploding OTL)


First off, I think you already know that I really love your style of writing, so I won't dwell on that. The quality of your work, I must say in this chapter, certainly didn't drop from the first chapter. It even went up from my expectations. Your descriptions are still top-notch!


Second, Clovis. Okay, I expected his character to be like that, and I most certainly must say that I like him. (My heart is exploding in feels right now.)


Third, the plot. Hm, I most certainly am hooked right now. Who's Korenthine? Is he the antagonist? The leader of the protagonist? What's his role?


Fourth, Cerise. I'll still try my best to be coherent here, kay. But I really want to smash-type right now. Okay, Cerise is just the perfect combo of adorable and scary! I find her intriguing and would really REALLY REAAAAAALLY want to see more of her. Although I think I'm sure she's gonna have a big role. (Because I'm going to pester you to make her have more scenes, or if not, annoy you to death, or even spam your wall.) She a character that I'm sure I'm really going to love because, well, she's adorable and scary! I love those kinds of characters!


Fifth, the lines I loved the best:

1. The little girl squealed as the scalpel dug into the wall behind her, missing her head by just a fraction of an inch. She looked over to him with undisguised mixture of shock and anger, clutching on her lab gown as she did. "Are you crazy?! You almost hit me!"

2. "Don't look at me," the girl giggled, unceremoniously picking up the small blob a few paces to her right and holding up for Clovis to see. "It wasn't as if I didn't give him a choice between his eyes and his heart."

3. A dark smile crept over the child's lips, her eyes flashing with the ugly truth of her existence. "My name is Cerise, and I am that monster."


Sixth, me begging for you to update soon. Hi, Idol, please update soon because my heart needs the next chapter. My feels need to have more Cerise and Maxwell. I'M BEGGING YOU TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON AND UPDATE SOON.


Keep on writing, kay, please PLEASE.
Thank you. Now, please ignore this and write the next chapter. ;w;

Sincerely keyboard-smashing right now,
Black Maya
EnaRie chapter 2 . 10/28/2012
Did I ever mention how much I /love/ your descriptive writing? The images I'm seeing are so vivid.

So many wooords, but it only served to make my crave worse! Now that you've given me a better glimpse of the plot, I'm really really excited for the next chapter. Hopefully Clovis will be more cooperative this time!

I love how you used a little girl. Most other authors would use someone older, so she'd be shippable with Clovis, but IDK, I guess the impact would be less. A ten year old girl with the power to kill, so much better than some teen/adult with skills.

And you know, in my head, the little girl has this really sinister smile and a mocking glint to her eyes. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about all the ways you can develop her and her interactions with everyone in the future, that is, if she won't die soon. I haven't seen enough of her to determine her value as a character yet, but for now, I'll just assume she plays a big enough - if not vital - role in the story.

ClovisISoHopeYou'reHotBecauseYou'reSoFangirlWorthyRightNowEee p.

Also, heads up, my yaoi senses are tingling and I have the itch to ship Maxwell and Clovis. OTL
easternguest chapter 1 . 10/16/2012
This is so good! Update please!
Black Maya chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Okay, so yesterday I was literally screaming inside. For a wattpad debut, it's definitely very wonderful and beautiful and well, awesome. My brain is back to being bangag, so forgive me if I start rambling OTL

The first paragraph already captured my interest. I just love violent storms, kay.

Maxwell Francis and Clovis de Marek *I love the names by the way* are intriguing me. Although Clovis hasn't made an appearance.

I was telling the truth when I said that your work is in par with Kuro. Clovis reminds me of Ciel a bit. And Maxwell from Van of Blood . I don't know why. Forgive me for being bangag.

And I'm trying my best to sound coherent. I hope I wasn't doherent here. ._.


-Black Maya
EnaRie chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Whoa. I haven't changed my penname on FP yet. Oh well. Wonder if you know who I am.

Moving on: I'd say you're great (like, OMG SHOCKINGLY JAW DROPPING GOOD KIND OF CAPTURE YOUR AUDIENCE WITH ONLY A FEW WORDS GOOD) but I don't want you to leave Fanfiction. HAHA.

You're reaaaally good with imagery, and characterization. What I don't like about original fiction is that it takes me a long time to get wth is happening, but I didn't have a problem with that at all. In fact, I got the gist straight away, which makes it REALLY BAD because now I'm starting to invest in the story when only one chapter's been made OTL.

I can't wait to meet Clovis. I feel like I already like his character. I hope he's devilishly handsome. And I hope that didn't just drive you to make him ugly to escape falling into tropes. OTL