|Reviews for Persephone's Story|
| CrazyWriter7586 chapter 5 . 9/13/2013
| Panchaali chapter 5 . 7/25/2013
Nice story..enjoyed a lot!
| Panchaali chapter 2 . 5/30/2013
| Panchaali chapter 1 . 5/28/2013
nice start :)
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/27/2013
| Lionstar09 chapter 2 . 11/1/2012
This is a great story so far and it's a nice twist to the Persephone and Hade's story. The only problem I can see is some minor grammatical errors. but as an author my self, I can relate. anyways, keep up the good work.
| MagicWords chapter 5 . 10/17/2012
My favorite part of the twist in your story was making the Demeter the villain and not Hades.
He is so...hot! (yet cold. Oh, I don't know!) When he swept her up in the chariot, my heart raced to a frenzy. What a hero.
I wish it had some descriptions of the Underworld, and of Zeus.
When Hades said, ""What is this all about?" to Zeus and Demeter, I was like, um...what does he think?
Some spelling errors. Might need a quick edit.
However, I loved this whole piece. I had no idea until I finished that this is a completed story. Well, I loved it. I hope more people read and review! I hope to see more from you soon! Maybe...Dawson and Lydia next? Haha, no pressure. I'm just an eager reader. And I'd love it if you had the time to check out some of my works! I don't usually ask it, but if you are not busy I'd love advice! -MW
| MagicWords chapter 4 . 10/17/2012
Again, modern language. But I don't want to be "that reviewer." :)
Wow, Demeter is pretty fiercely protective. Reminds me of Mother Gothel from Tangled.
I think Hades uses the phrase, 'my dear' a little too frequently. It gives him a creepy effect, yes, but it was a tad too much. And the word 'hell' could be substituted for Underworld in some places. That word was also repeated quite a bit. Some grammar and spelling mishaps.
I feel bad for Persephone. Of course she does not want to leave Hades, but the thought of leaving her home (and the whole world for that matter) is scary to her. I guess Hades would not understand that because he was forced to work in the Underworld, but if he loved her, he would be more caring...nah, he would not. I like how cold he was. It showed some imperfect qualities to his character. Very good. (Sorry if that was confusing. I tend to write my rambles, as you probably have realized.)
But I know Hades will find her. I mean, he's the god of the freakin' Underworld for crying out loud. He has the power. :)
| MagicWords chapter 3 . 10/17/2012
"I thought for a moment about telling her to go to Hades domain." -I laughed so hard that my roommate looked at my strangely! Nice line!
I liked the fight between mother and daughter! I like how you tie the myths into the dialogue. You do it quite well!
I know you are retelling this myth with a twist, but I am still wondering if Hades has good intentions towards Persephone or not. Is he still planning on abducting and "deflowering" her, or does he truly love her?
" he only wants to have his fun then he'll leave you and get on with his life." -Nothing wrong with this line, but I thought it was interesting that you used the word 'life.' I don't know, him being the god of the Dead and all, it just seemed interesting. I mean, I know he's not dead. It was just odd in my mind. Disregard that if it did not make sense. Haha...
Can't wait to read more!
| MagicWords chapter 2 . 10/17/2012
Sorry I haven't read the rest yet! Here I go:
I think to make this story sound less modern, you can change some of the dialogue. Instead of Hades saying: "How are you doing?" (Which reminds me of Joey from Friends. Too modern) he could say, "Hello, Persephone. How are you this fine afternoon?" And have reply, "I am well, Hades." instead of simply "good."
I think you had some modern language in the first chapter with something Demeter said, too. Just something to watch out for. Words like 'hey' should probably be avoided, too. Oh, and potatoes are a New World food. Europe did not know they existed until the Columbian Exchange after 1492.
Now on to the chapter:
I love the part with the black rose. So Phantom of the Opera like. But Hades would have a black one! :D
"I am a man of little words. It's a dark and lonely place in hell, with no one to talk to except the lost souls," -Beautiful line! I loved it. Sent chills up my arms. I also like the way Hades is described. I pity him, and he seems so inwardly tortured. He did not ask for any of this, and he has a bad rep because of his job. Kind of like Snape from Harry Potter. Sorry I throw out so many pop culture references. I just randomly voice what I'm thinking.
I like Persephone, too. She seems like such a free spirit, and an adventurer of sorts. Love the way you depicted her.
Just watch out for those modern words. Oh, and I loved the kiss. I can't imagine kissing a god of the Dead, but you made it so darkly romantic. Great job. Can't wait to read more, and I will.
| MagicWords chapter 1 . 10/15/2012
I loved it! So much! I love Greek mythology and you and you have an awesome twist! I can't wait to read more! Only a few spelling/grammar errors. Brilliant! I always love your work. And this fits well in the myth section if I do say so myself. Keep it up!