|Reviews for Rain for Days|
| wisedec4u chapter 1 . 4/20/2013
I have to say smiled the whole time reading this -well not during the dream because it was really creepy. I loved the introduction at the beginning because it set this sad, eery tone to your story which was a complete contrast from the reality that we're drawn into.
I also like the fact that Eli is twenty-something black man somewhat attracted to this sixty-something white woman. I loved stories about opposites attracting. Your story seems very unique and both Eli and Chloe's affection for each other seem genuine, though I wonder if Chloe feels the same as he does. I also liked that the cliffy ended on a hopeful note. However, I have feeling that hopefulness may be short lived considering how the story began.
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 4/20/2013
I really like the concept of this coupling. I thought it was interesting having an old woman and a young man in the "modern era" interacting with each other. Their discourses were also fluid and natural which indicates to me that they have known each other for a long time and are comfortable with each other. I thought the chapter as a whole was nicely written but I can't really pinpoint what the theme of the story is yet. I wonder if you added more length here to promote plot if it would add more dimension here. Keep up the good work.
| Rogue Energizer Bunny chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
RM review, happening.
I love the introduction. Your word choice is unique, and the careful pacing makes the events seem very real. It's vague enough that I want to read more while I still understand the basic premise of what's going on. Really, though, I don't understand why you put it in italics. While it is a prologue of sorts, I guess, the bolded title of the next part clearly divides them into two separate scenes. Italics usually signal readers to skim - there was a study that proved it, and just think how advertisements use it with less exciting data. That's certainly too good to skim :)
The writing is clean in the next part as well. I think standing alone it'd do well, but I'm thrown off with the contrast between it and the little intro. The stakes seem so low in the second part compared to the first. I'd like to see some more connection between the two parts so the first doesn't overpower the second.
| Krystal Watters chapter 1 . 1/7/2013
The dream was very creepy and just the right amount of surreal.
I got the impression that Chloe was a much younger woman. I think some of her mannerisms may have been a bit exuberant for someone in her sixties.
| LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
December RM prize review!
I liked the way the chapter started with a repeating dream because it draws you into the chapter and creates suspense for the rest of the chapter. I however dislike the gap of time between the dream and the start of the story because it makes the chapter confusing and leaves the reader wondering what happened in between that time. It was a nice read.
| improvementneeded chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
I am perplexed by the duality of your text. "These are the events that led to the end of the world." Gyros caused the Apocalypse ? I knew that Greece was going through a rough patch and that some people thought it would be a disaster for Europe... But the End of the World !
Hmm ? What ? Other chapters ? Me being stupid ! Oh, ok, sorry.
Hehehe ! Anyway, I feel like the flood is coming, at least that's what I understand from the title and first part of the intro'.
The narrator is kind and enjoyable, and Chloe seems quite nice even though she seems the kind of character that might die in order to make the main character more pragmatic and tough. I hope that won't happen.
Am I watching to many disaster films ? I don't know, but I might be biased.
Ah ! Anyway, this first chapter is nice, good work ! I would just like to say that some sentences are a bit repetitive, like "I have to take the elevator to get to the Creative department. That's where Mr. Hayes has his office. Chloe is his secretary, so her desk is also in the Creative department." I don't know if that's something you did voluntarily or if the same thing that happens to me, happens to you : I think about a word, and write it twice, at the beginning and the end of the sentence. Anyway, I am just trying to help.
| Secret Santa chapter 1 . 12/20/2012
Okay, well, I loved the dream sequence at the beginning, you did an amazing job of building the suspense, and at the end of the sequence I felt myself practically gasping for air.
I don't really care for your writing style though, it feels like it's a bit too stiff and over-wordy for the character you seem to be trying to create.
I also didn't really care for the ending, it didn't draw me in and make me want to read on as much as it probably should have...I feel like if you had ended the first chapter at the dream sequence it would be more interesting.
Great work though! Happy holidays!
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 14 . 12/16/2012
It's over. DX
Well, yes it was very sad, but...I'm satisfied, too. I think you did a good job making the end feel conclusive and not entirely tragic despite the depth of tragedy that did happen. So I like that I can leave this behind with hope for both Eli and Nick and not just a wad of depression in my heart.
And I think you handled Nick and Eli's final scene together fantastically. The laughing at misery because there's nothing else you CAN do feeling was very pronounced and it seemed to bring them closer. Even if Eli's loss was, by comparison, far greater the idea of suffering together is definitely a bonding experience and finally have Nick there for Eli for once, comforting him was wonderful to see. I'm glad that, underneath it all, they do have a friendship there.
Oh, and as I mentioned a bit in the last review, I think the "revelation" of Eli's traumatic past was timed perfectly. Not a huge dramatic scene for he and Nick, but a conclusive, dramatic reveal for the reader that ties up a lot of the panic/extreme paranoia that Eli's been shown to have earlier.
Anyway, all around I think you did a great job. :)
- Moonstar, review courtesy of the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 13 . 12/16/2012
I was worried for Eli at first when I read "handcuffs" since being caught next to a dead person is never a good thing, but I know it makes sense they can figure out pretty quickly it wasn't his fault. Still. I just know that misplaced guilt is going to be weighing on him for ages.
I think you handled the descriptions of his emotions, the progression of things from confusion to shock to grief to struggling to cope really well. The last lines gave me a melancholy kind of hope in my gut. That feeling you always have to work with when something infinitely important to you is suddenly gone but you can't do anything about it...I think you got that across perfectly.
I like how symbolic you've made the rain throughout this novel/novella - and water in general. Unfortunately I love rain, so it's disconcerting to see it used in such ominous contexts, but you do a great job of keeping it there subtly (and not so subtly) at different points, building up to your conclusion. (I cheated and read these last two chapters together, even though I'ma review them separately.) I think this line - [Residual water slithers down my legs and back and chills me] - is just one of many that works to reinforce how evil water is to Eli (with the "slithers" - creepy verb).
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 12 . 12/16/2012
[We already when to all her favorite places.] *went?
["And we need to bring a cardboard box."] Eliiiiii - you're so adorable. I have no idea what you have planned, but Chloe, I want to steal your boyfriend.
["I want to go down the hill one last time," Chloe says. "Then we can go home."] Why...why do I have an ominous feeling in my gut? Don't let anything bad happen, not when they're happy...
["Chloe?"] *whines* ;-;
Whaaaaaaaa. T_T I KNEW IT. HOW COULD YOU. FFAAAAANG, WHY?
Guhhhh. Okay. *composes self*
I loved the scene where they were sliding and rolling down the hill. It seemed like extreme fun and it was so happy I just wanted to be right there with them. My heart did a little lurch when she brought up his sister and I thought the detail where he let the bug bite him and tried to focus on that itch and ONLY on that itch without letting himself scratch it off was a great addition. Specific and original and real.
I really did have a knot of dread as soon as she said "one more time" - I'm not sure exactly why, it just felt like things were so happy something was bound to go wrong and it just. It's so sad; I feel awful for Eli and Chloe and...everything. I hope this wraps up with some at least marginally happy conclusion 'cause sad stories bum me out. -.-
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 11 . 12/16/2012
[My head snaps up. Freedom?] Lolol, oh Eli. You can be so cute. This reminds me of the baby bird metaphor if only because wide intent eyes, excitable, adorable. Yes. Eli is a baby bird.
["Do any of them say urgent?" / "Well, no," I start.] But but...one of them did say urgent. DX
I'm so glad Eli's finally calming down around Warren, and they're actually talking! I think the fact that Eli took the car ride with him - whereas he was far too petrified to before - is a great indicator of the progress they've made.
["You are truly amazing, Eli."] I hope you know that I ship these two now. [He is all alone in his big house actually being a decent guy, and it makes me incredibly sad.] DEFINITELY ship these two. Dx I was resisting because I needed to, but but but...it's too cute for words. Of course I know it won't happen, but. I like the idea that Warren kept Eli around because he's secretly in love with him. That's what happened. Head canon. :l
Oh, and about that last line - awesome parallel to Eli's early sentiment taking pleasure/comfort in Warren being all alone. Really made me happy. :D
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 10 . 12/16/2012
Oh, that opening paragraph did make me feel a little pang for all the people getting fired. The second sentence in particular - [He has a crate in his hands and it's full of folders and pictures and stuffed animals.] - just sad. :( But *lots* of companies go through shifts like that and it doesn't make Warren evil.
And I did get a nice little nugget of satisfaction when Kevin got fired. Man did he deserve it. Umph. I wanted to punch him myself and Eli's subdued happy grinning made me purr with internal glee. Regardless of what Warren says, I think he did fire him because of what K did to Eli and that makes me like Warren all the more.
I'm sure Chloe will be fine, too. I have no reason to believe she's in a dangerous spot financially and maybe she *can* go into cake decorating, hmph. No time like old age to finally start pursuing those dreams on the bucket list.
The fact that most all the new recruits in their area are young attractive women did piss me off a little at Warren. It makes me wonder if it's really fresh young minds or fresh young tits he was looking for, but...he's done enough other good things, I'll just have to wait and see. He kept Eli around after all.
I really liked the description of Warren's laugh and the fact that Eli noticed how tired he was. I hope Eli will keep noticing details like that and, again, I hope he eventually calms down around him and quits thinking of him as "evil" - I was glad to get at least a glimpse of insight into the reason Eli's scared of him. This "shark" that he used to be.
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 9 . 12/16/2012
[He is all alone in his big house with his three cars being evil.] Waaaaahhh. STOP IT, ELI. ;-; Stop bullying Warren.
I just want to hit Eli all through that little opening. Maybe if I had a good reason WHY he hates Warren, but I just don't and...I've said this. I'll shut up. *fumes in silence*
This is a depressing chapter. Well written, yeah, but all the negative feels. D: And it's that much worse since they're all smeared with gritty, believable realism. Nick's just a sad character - not him, emotionally, but sad as in borederline pathetic. I hate...I don't know, I have a special hate for people who use other people and the way Eli presents him at least it sounds like Nick used Lisa and now he's using Eli.
Then again, Eli hates Warren, so I don't know how much I can trust his opinions of people, but still.
Oh, and I loved the way you handled the dialogue this chapter (well, as usual, but Nick's moping about Lisa in particular stands out). The looking back on "the good ole days" and talking about all the things he was "gonna" do are both just very human things, I think, and that's probably part of what makes my gut sink as I read it. So easy to think of these as real people messing themselves up.
I like how the final line is kind of metaphorical to Nick and Eli's whole relationship as far as I can tell [I have nothing to do but clean up his mess.] I know Eli's not directly cleaning up Nick's life messes, but he is just sitting there taking care of him when he won't pick up and take care of himself.
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 8 . 12/16/2012
[I don't remember getting to work, but somehow I am at work.] Eheheh...heh. ._. This is me at school like, half the time. Lovely line. Mostly 'cause it's funny. But also 'cause I can relate. x3
Grrrr, I'm pissed at Eli this chapter. Warren has been so good to him and all he can do is treat Warren like he's a monster for *no reason* as far as I can tell. It just feels so unjust. Particularly when some of the people Eli's kept around him - Kevin, and Nick too to some extent - just use him/get him into trouble. But Warren's only been kind and it just...*sad*
And even Chloe - for all her good intentions and gentle nature - walks all over Eli. Not intentionally probably, but he just lays on the ground and lets everyone else push whatever the heck they want. *huff* I think Eli's one of those people who really needs to start making his own destiny. I feel a little sorry for him, yeah, but I'm mostly irritated that he won't take his life in his own hands.
I'm rooting for Eli manning up at least a *little* by the end of the story. Show the world who's boss, Eli. YOU CAN DO EEET. -
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 7 . 12/16/2012
Uwhaaaa...I feel so bad for Eli. ;-; He's such a good, well-behaved guy and he gets so f-cked over by everyone it's just, just, just...not fair. I wish he had more backbone. People can be such assholes, BUT WARREN.
I like Warren. A lot. Like seriously. He took care of Eli straight up. What kind of boss does it take to take care of the mess when you not only puke your guts out but PISS YOURSELF at his party? Like, I don't know if I'd be able to handle the piss-soiled pants of my friends, but Warren did it for just an "underlying" employee of his. Major, major points to him for that.
Some of my favorite descriptions this chapter: [my crushed ribcage aches to accommodate hyperventilating lungs], [my stomach squeezing itself dry], [Warren confuses me.], [My hunger is a starving baby bird.] Just lovely. I cracked a grin at the "Warren confuses me" part - at least Eli seems to be warming up a little to him. I hope he can learn to like him; he's just too good of a guy to be terrified around. And the baby bird metaphor seems to apply to Eli in more ways than just his hunger. His entire personality, everything about him is like a baby bird.
Oh, and the fifty at the end. Warrrreennnn...you make me love you.