|Reviews for Bounty x Hunter|
| Ereh chapter 5 . 5/11/2014
Needs more bondage. Please rewrite. *killed*
Kidding aside. It's been a while since I stopped reading this, but I could still remember what I read in the past 4 chapters. XD
Now then onto this chapter.
Uh... You sure have lots of innuendos here hohohoho... More of those plox. *w*
Eliah. Not only a bounty hunter, but also a ninja. The mystery of where she hides her manacles will be forever a mystery. (Actually she hides it in her *knifed*)
I don't know what to say anymore. I'm just laughing at the innuendos. LOL Jax no wonder this is called Bondage Fantasy. XD
| Miles Montgomery chapter 1 . 5/11/2014
Okay. Interesting first chapter. A little confused on what's going on but that's to be expected on the first chapter. Your writing style is practically perfect. I wish I could write quite as good as this. Moving on.
| cud-b-better chapter 13 . 5/2/2014
So much terminology so little understanding on my part. You've done an excellent job of making such a vast world. I'm also not too sure who is good and who is bad or maybe things aren't anywhere near as simple as that. I want Roland to hurry up and reunite with Eliah, I seriously can't wait to see that!
I look forward to more.
| cud-b-better chapter 12 . 5/2/2014
Roland really cannot catch a break. I was kind of hoping they were only going to use those two as hostages so that Roland could just leg it, just for the laughs. Just how many people can one man anger? Now I'm really confused in what he is going to do. I wonder when/if his path will cross with Eliah's.
Anyway just two minor things I think I noticed:
This [is] was not quite what he had envisioned - [omit out]
not while she [was] under the impression - [add into sentence]
| cud-b-better chapter 11 . 5/2/2014
Well Roland's got a rather extreme 'fan'. Gotta love their adventures in the sewers. I can just imagine him walking through sewage singing, and now I'm throwing up at the thought. I can't wait to see where this grudge came from.
| Lord Slayer chapter 13 . 4/28/2014
Oh, Roland. Making friends wherever you go. Of course now he'll be making friends with immortals soon.. At least Eli will be there to protect him. Maybe. *evil grin*
I've noticed that when you're setting up the scene that your sentences often feel overstuffed. It is good to be thorough, yes, but you need to do so in a less cramped manner.
Some of it is just the way you word it. Like when Eli first comes into the Fox and Fiddle there are the lanterns with gems with magelight lining the walls. That feels more like a list than a description, and it doesn't sound natural. Something like "Lanterns with magelight gems lit the room," or "the common room was lit by magelight lanterns," or some such gets just as much information across in less time and more succinctly. Another example further on in that paragraph you say "Furred carpets occupied the floor before the empty fireplace, where a black-furred fox was napping." First off, it's unnecessary repetition, saying furred twice. Of course the fox is furred, you can just say that the fox is black. And furred carpets just sounds like the floor is carpeted with furs, in which case you can just say that the floor was carpeted in furs.
And then sometimes you just over describe. Like in the first paragraph, do we need to know that the coins in Sal's purse jingled "laughlingly," when he smacked his head on the "smoked and salted fish he'd hung from the rafters to dry." I get what you're doing, trying to add humanizing traits to further emphasize the humor that he hit his head on a fish, but it seems a little forced to do that with his coin (he couldn't have hit the fish that hard, for one thing) pouch, and "laughingly," is just really awkward. Then there's "smoked and salted fish hung on the rafters to dry," which further bogs the sentence down. It's quite a mouthful to put all in one sentence about a man hitting his head on a fish. A good word to use here would be "cured fish." Curing can imply any of several methods of meat preservation, including both salting and smoking, getting the point across that Sal doesn't have rotting fish hanging from his rafters.
It really all comes down to word economy, and keeping the pace smooth. Everything else looked pretty good. Hope to see more soon.
| Krozam chapter 12 . 4/22/2014
Lol. Poor Roland. I now understand all the talk about him being destined to be abused by powerful women.
Well, that was a very enjoyable read. As expected of my imouto. You make me proud (though I had no part in the development of your writing skills). :P
Looking forward to more of this. Purely writing-wise, I may like 3rd Memory slightly more, but this story is much more up my alley, making it my favourite of the stories I've read from you so far.
Sorry I don't have much constructive criticism to offer. I really don't see much to improve here. I mean, of course there is always space for improvement, but I don't see any significant weak points.
| Krozam chapter 9 . 4/22/2014
Eliah, so tsun... XD
Now to wait for the dere to surface. :P
A very interesting chapter. I've said this before, but the lore of your world and the history of your characters is quite intriguing. Still, the best part is the banter between Eliah and Roland.
| Krozam chapter 7 . 4/22/2014
Roland and Eliah vividly remind me of Castle and Beckett around the beginning of Castle. Which is more or less a compliment, since those two have awesome and utterly entertaining character dynamics.
Wow. A reference I actually got. "Swooping is bad..." XD
"The Royal Bomber"... Seriously? XD
Quite an interesting cast, so far. I feel sorry for Roland, stuck in the middle of this apparently quite epic and dangerous struggle between immortals that really has nothing to do with him. :P
This world (as well as the characters) seems to have quite an interesting history, I'll be interested to learn more of it.
| Krozam chapter 3 . 4/22/2014
Quite an epic prologue, lol. I do love epic fantasy, so that's by no means a negative point.
Your text is excellent, as I expected based on what I've read of 3rd Memory. The only thing bothering me is that at times your description is a little too scarce, I can't seem to stay completely on boart of what's happening. I don't mean the plot or anything that severe, it's just that sometimes I find myself confused about the positions and poses of the characters.
Someone has most likely already pointed this out, but "Or do you just like catching me with me with no trousers on?" has an extra "me with".
A good start.
| Lord Slayer chapter 12 . 4/19/2014
I'm quite convinced now that the TvTropes article for Butt Monkey should have a picture of Roland. :D I swear, that man has been put on more leashes lately than is healthy for anyone. I hope Eliah can get him out of this soon.
I noticed this near the beginning, end of the ninth paragraph. "Indiscreetly," should be "discreetly." He wouldn't be much of a smuggler if he was not discreet about his dealings, no? _ Keep up the good work.
| kingofe3 chapter 7 . 3/24/2014
So this is where the bits of terminology come into play. I must gather all of this information carefully so I can remember everything, or most of it. Which ever comes first.
Morinth seems like an interesting villain. Her powers seem quite varied, though I'm sure this is hinted at some old mythological creature I'm forgetting about.
Split personality princess, Myra is interesting as well. I wonder how she's going to affect the plot.
Nice fight scene, Senpai. Well choreographed.
Don't be so kuudere, Eliah. Accept RoRo's concern. owo
| kingofe3 chapter 6 . 3/24/2014
Oh boy, some magic flying about here, huh? Now it's a psychopathic cat fight. Don't know if that's a good thing or not yet.
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 11 . 3/5/2014
["Oh you know. A wife. Some kids. World peace."]
- I can almost feel the handsome wind blowing his handsome air as he said it.
I gotta agree with Wong. RoRo is way too bishounen to have grown up in the slums. Imagine all the abuse that he has to take with the pretty face that he has... Wait... no wonder he is such a masochist... HE RECEIVED PLENTY OF ABUSE WHEN HE WAS A CHILD *w* Iknewitiknewitiknewit
Col is just RoRo without the pretty face.
Poor Belle. Relegated to maid duties after saying sweet nothings to your Edward in dat twilight fanfic ;(tilde);
Why am I imagining Roland to be pinned on a spinning board as Irene threw her daggers for the next chapter?
UPDATE PLEASE. THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE PUT ON A LONG HIATUS ;(tilde);
As for CC, I'll have to be honest, I don't know if I can give advice, let alone helpful advice. As much as I enjoyed Touch and your other works, BxH is the one where I feel you really put a lot of effort in the lore, description and the character interactions, and as such, I enjoyed it the most. Offering ways for improvement is equivalent to an rookie apprentice trying to teach a master blacksmith how to forge weapons.
But as on the plot side of things, I can say that I'm liking the way the story is heading. You are starting to delve into the backstories of Eli and RoRo, and that moment of separation allows them to pursue those goals and allow us to take a break from the boke and tsukkomi routine that these two share. This is the perfect opportunity for you to add even more depth into what is already a fantastic story, in terms what the characters really feel when they are faced with issues that hit too close to home for comfort. Though I can see that RoRo is going to have a hard time avoiding a S&M situation with his lovely Irene.
Just don't have too much fun with that one ;D
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 10 . 3/5/2014
All those terminologies in this chapter. *Mind goes dizzy* I'll second what the other reviewers have said. You probably need to set up a glossary chapter or maybe put a link to that trivia post you did for this story?
Col and Myra. Another dysfunctional "couple" whose banter I greatly enjoy. You are just so good at this, Jax *w*
All the French. All the Kishos.
Oh no, RoRo and Eli are now separated. ;(tilde); Maybe the absence will make their hearts grow fonder. *w*