Reviews for Inferno
Aeon Hawk chapter 32 . 2/6/2013
Ok, so Adelaide's father not actually being her biological father has taken a seriously dramatic turn in the plot. And the story behind her mother and father, the attack on their village and the inn - who knew it was her father wanting revenge?
I like Olen, he's willing to put aside any differneces and put the fact that Adelaide's his sister first.
Nice job, keep up the good work :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 13 . 10/30/2012
Ah, very dramatic! I love it!
Greeta, Gervio and Scova, nice characters. Are they original?
YOUR story is coming out really well, the plot is building up too! It's getting really exciting :)
And Gervio, aaawww that's just sad. He seems so nice though 8)
Great chapter, looking forward to more as always :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 12 . 10/30/2012
Suddenly, reading Orio has made me quite hungry...
This time round, the clothing details were quite good, I've a strong idea in my head what Adelaide's wearing now and what her hair is like (nice touch on that one). The blacksmith though really got to me. Gold isn't really a strong metal, so not many people would have used it for weapons, unless for display. Have it as 'a golden metal', it could still be gold in colour but not gold itself (sorry about the criticism).
The last paragraph for me, felt really personal. Not many can pull that off
- I can see the story coming together now and it's like a new part has begun now that she's traveling.
Great chapter :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 11 . 10/30/2012
Shower? I had a sense this was more of a fantasy story?
Well, talk about being detailed, I thought I was bad ;P
I liked when Adelaide cut 'A' onto the fien's chest, it gave sort of a trade mark, like Puss in Boots in Shrek, and the fact she's very loyal and honest to Callen. Try not to make her a Mary Sue. Good chapter though :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 6 . 10/23/2012
WHOA! Intense... yet AWESOME! :D
Again watch your grammar. "Wolfs" should be "Wolf's" and watch your proofreading, "It was heard to breathe..." I'm pretty sure that was to be "Hard".
I bet you must be annoyed be my criticism by now, sorry! :P Looking forward to next chapter, hoping for another awesome one :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 5 . 10/23/2012
YOUR details are getting better, but watch YOUR editing, 'I made why for him to collapse onto the bed...' It seems you rewrote this sentence but forgot to fix a few things, I wasn't sure what it meant.
Also, GRAMMAR again! ;P YOU'RE getting mixed up with YOUR and YOU ARE, and ITS and IT IS, and MOTHER's, it seems Adelaide has more than one mother with 'MOTHERS birthday' throughout the chapter.
All in all, this is making YOUR story a lot more interesting and building up to ITS climax. Great stuff _ On to the next chapter :)
Aeon Hawk chapter 2 . 10/16/2012
Whoa! So intense! So much drama! Try to expand the chapters a tinchy winchy bit, add a bit more dialogue. Oh, try to proof read over your work, like example, 'when he spook...'. I suppose you meant 'spoke'. It reminds me of 'he pooped his head in through the door' you remember?
Anyway, I can see its building up! :D
Aeon Hawk chapter 1 . 10/16/2012
Well, it's certainly hooked me anyway. It's very interesting, I like the names and such and there's pretty good details. A few grammar mistakes here and there but it's good. ;) Great stuff! :)