Reviews for Jane
The Deranged Raconteur chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Oooof. Right in the soul.
Hey kiddo, it's Chaos! I haven't had an excuse to use my FP account in...ages?
Anyway, ouch. Way to reach across the screen and shove me right back into high school. You've beautifully captured every girl's heartbreak and faint wishes of "If only". A few grammatical ouchies, but nothing that seriously detracts from the reading. Well done! And thanks for giving me an excuse to log into my FP account for once!


Silvert. Dreams chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
Hey Plum, it's me, Silver, from FFN! I just wanted to say that this was fantastic. Great job! :D So emotional and cute. Poor, Poor Jane! :O

Anyway, I am (not quite sure) if this was a grammatical error or not, but the sentence structure seemed a bit awkward to me (but it could have just been me):

She swallows against a dry lump in her throat. It's him. Travis. (I think perhaps you should have dropped the 'against a' and just put a 'the', but that could just have been me.)

Great job!

- Silvertongued Dreams
The Siege chapter 1 . 10/25/2012
Ooh, this is good! I really like it! And I like how it's all description, no dialogue. :)
I think the first two paragraphs should be in present tense and there are a couple of inconsistencies between some pronouns and the following related nouns. But aside from that, fantastic!