Reviews for Taste of Loneliness
RubieRed chapter 19 . 5/2/2013
Alright. I have officially read through your story, and it's not bad. As an amateur writer myself, I like to be as honest as possible to the author. So...here goes:

-I really like the idea of the story, but the direction you went with it made it a little unrealistic and childish. Some parts literally made me roll my eyes (like the convo about him moving in with Lee). Some parts just seemed a little hokey and far fetched. I mean, I know this story is fabricated, but I don't want to be reminded of that.

-Some parts weren't put together well. How does Blake have a convertible and his mom has a totally separate car? They rode to their new apartment from the airport in one undescribed vehicle (at least that's what was indicated). Is she riding the bus or something? Why was Michael going out of his way to make sure Blake had a good birthday? If he's such a dick, he wouldn't be so generous. There were other discrepencies, but I'll only list these two.

-I liked Blake's character. There's not that much to say about him except that he was a little over dramatic at times. Other than that, he was ok.

-Mandy kind of pissed me off for being such a know-it-all. Damn. Let others figure some shit out by themselves.

All in all, it was fine. A little non-descript scene wise though. I have a feeling you wrote this young. Anyway, it helped me kill about an hour maybe less. Take care.
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 18 . 2/12/2013
Okay, uh, so Ilike this chapter a lot, but I've got a few problems (And I really don't mean to, like, offend you or

anything, please don't think like that!).

Did Collin know ahead of time that was okay with him being with another boy? I can totally understand that he

would want to, y'know, tell her he's gay, but since they were going there for Lee, and to try to get Lee to be in a better

place- Just- Maybe since I'm a ridiculous pessimist, I was thinking that she'd be all, "My daughter associated with

faggots?! She's OKAY with this? Like Hell I'm going to take her in until she understands how being homo is wrong,

goddammit!" And... Why didn't she take in Lee when she left Micheal? I figure she was unstable from abuse or whatever, but

she just left her daughter with the man that abused them? What mother would DO that? Holy fuck. D:

Am I confusing something? I thought that Blake's mother had moved, and that's why he hadn't seen her or was talking to her

and that's why he'd moved away, so he could stay with his friends. He hasn't visited her since the begginning of the story,

where he got his hair dyed, face pierced, and was nicknamed? Why didn't he visit? Was he too busy with his friends to stop

by his Mom's place, or what? I mean, if she /didn't/ move, then, why did he? Just- What? D:

It was a fluffy and warm chapter, and I'm glad that things are getting sorted out, but I'm still kind of confused. If I

could get an explaination, that would be great, because maybe I'm just too tired to notice the answers- It's 3:15 AM.
PandaBeaarAmy chapter 17 . 2/5/2013
Love it! and I don't want this story to ever end :3
YanagioftheWind chapter 17 . 2/4/2013
Thank-you so much for the quick update! This chapter's so happy and warm, it just gives me the fuzzies! :D
YanagioftheWind chapter 15 . 1/11/2013
*pulls out a pen and writes*
Micheal:

Warning! If you have read this, you are going to die a painful death including but not limited to:

Being stomped on by an angry beaver

Having your nose stabbed with a pencil

Falling face-first into a pile of cow shit

Having ANY and ALL abuses you've caused upon your wife*, daughter*, or any other family member come back and bite you in the ass, among other things

* Assuming you fucking have any, you assheaded prick.

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, you're doomed.
Also, a little crazy mental patient is going to appear in your room at precisely 3:45 AM tonight.
Thank-you, and have fun, fuckyface.

*tapes it to Micheal's front door*
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 14 . 1/4/2013
Thank-you for the quick update!

Aaaagh! Nooo! Why, Micheal?! YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE! Nooooo! Leeeeeee! *sobs*

I can't even say anything here, except: "Please don't kill Lee. Kill Micheal."
RumTumTugg1 chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
I LOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEEE this sooooooo much...
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 13 . 1/3/2013
ARRRRGHHAAAGHHHH- GODDAMN CLIFFHANGER!

Yes, I am... Slightly.. Pissed about the cliffhanger. Only slightly.

I love this story. I was actually suspenseful while reading this, and that's really rare for me. Good job! :D
HannahMichealis-Faustus chapter 1 . 12/27/2012
good chapter and you're right it was a little slow but I guess thats what a opening chapter is for, to introduce the characters and add a little bit of background while somehow adding a little story to it, which was accomplished and writen with a talented hand, or typed with...you shoudl get the point by now. Anyway, it's great so far
Yanagi chapter 11 . 12/26/2012
AHH, SHIT! MEET FAN!

This chapter should be loooonger! I wanna read more! *rolls around on floor*

So, are Amy and Luna Collin's adopted sisters, along with Skittles? Or are they older and I misinterpreted it? Sorry, I'm really tired, so lemme know if I missed something. DX

I tried to comment on the previous few chapters, but FF said, "This chapter is not part of the archive" or something. What's up with that?
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 8 . 12/20/2012
I really like it so far, but some bits are a little unrealistic. Like, he's lived with Lee for... About a month or so, now? And he still hasn't explored the rest of the house or looked around. I mean, usually when I go over to a friend's house, I know the entire layout f the house by the second visit. If there were locked rooms that Snowe's not allowed in, that's one thing, but... Yeah, just a little unrealistic.

I'd like to hear more on all the characters backstories. I can't wait to learn more about them. :)
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 7 . 12/18/2012
I officially wanna bear-hug them. I love your characters!

Kyaah! Why do you have to hurt yourself, Lee?! You aren't allowed to do that!

Collin still tops my "Favorite characters" list, but then it's Lee, Mandy, and Bla- I mean, Snowe.

Keep up the awesome work! :D
Byebye I'm Gone chapter 6 . 12/17/2012
This whole chapter just gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I love when the characters are happy and having a good time. :) And I love, love, love Lee's snarky, cynical attitude. It reminds me of Midna, who I also like. And reminding me of LoZ makes me want to read more, even if this story is totally unrelated to the video games.

Keep up the good work! :D
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 4 . 12/14/2012
I really like the opening to this chapter. Starting off with humor is always fun and the 'brain chicken' line made me snicker.

I got a little knot of dread in my stomach along with Blake when he was called out to get out of class early, and so I think you handled the build-up to that and pacing quite well. The turn of events is predictable to some extent - we all knew *something* was going to happen to mess up the newfound happiness in his life - but I think at least Maggie's attitude and Blake's reaction to it make sense and in that respect it was well done writing wise.

I feel like the transitions between scenes/emotions were a little rushed at times. (As in, I was barely into absorbing the fact that Blake is torn apart by the news that he'll probably be uprooted again when suddenly the mood changes and we're talking about coffee.)

I *do* like the dialogue about coffee and scene to follow, though. I think it's a cute quirk that Blake has never tried it before (poor deprived child). And I really enjoyed his accidental "coming out" to his new friends, Collin in particular. I have to wonder what's going to happen next - the news of his mother being laid off feels like it came so early on in the story and Blake and Collin are only just *barely* starting to get closer together. I have faith things will work themselves out, but...

Well, here's to hoping for the best. I wish you and Nathan luck and inspiration! Hopefully you can finish up another chapter soon. :)

- Moonstar, from RG's RM (link in my profile)
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 3 . 12/14/2012
Going to start by listing the positives this chapter since I feel like the last review was over-loaded with things that bugged me.

[Shut the fuck up, he scolded himself. What you look like doesn't matter. You're just another human.] I really like this mental dialogue to himself. I hate overly whiny characters, and so it's great that Blake is good at rooting himself and putting things in perspective.

The "You're just another human" bit is probably my favorite because it's so absolutely true. Too many people in this world don't seem to get that - they have these impossibly high standards for themselves and then beat themselves up if they don't meet them - and I think that Blake's philosophy is great in that regard. So just, very awesome wording there.

I also really enjoyed all the interactions this chapter. Collin and Lee are adorable with their bickering, and I LOVED that Blake opened up enough to speak to them and join in the fun. It quite literally made me grin at the screen.

I will say it feels a bit sudden as far as turn arounds go, but I think if you made Blake's anxiety a little less severe in the previous chapter, that this one would fit in more and everything would all around make a lot more sense.

A little nitpick about the opening: [That night, Blake slept fitfully, tightening his blanket around him until he thought he might freeze to death otherwise. He didn't do it because he was cold - it was merely his nerves going on overdrive.]

The wording on that seems really strange. You say he thinks he'd freeze to death otherwise in the first sentence, but then in the second one say it has nothing to do with cold? If it has nothing to do with cold, I would get rid of the mentioning of freezing to death, since those two seem at odds with each other.

Other than that, I'll spare you my critique this chapter; I quite liked it. :)

- Moonstar
22 | Page 1 2 Next »