Reviews for Calder: The Secrets of Summer: May 2016
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
I feel like there's not much here to really invest the reader in the character; it's obvious quite early on what's going to happen by the end of the short chapter, and I think it might be more effective if it was withheld a bit, especially as I don't really feel any connection with the character. There was a lot of telling going on, rather than showing, as a lot of it just feels a tad like "I did this. Then I did that and that happened" etc. Maybe just edit it to have a bit more tension involved. I think you should stick to past tense, too, and maybe see where certain words can be cut out. For example, the opening sentence [Ma has always said that "sisters are different flowers from the same garden."] might be more effective as (Ma always said sisters are different flowers from the same garden.) I don't think you need the speech marks, as her mother isn't actually speaking. Hope that helps!