|Reviews for Forms of Narrative Revision|
| The Autumn Queen chapter 5 . 1/18/2013
Lol, not what you normally expect in a note. Perhaps a signature at the end to seal the deal? Or a symbol of some sort; a letter or some synonym of Dad in this case.
I would love to see you blow this idea up; I'm sensing a longer story behind this and it would be really interesting to see. Especially if you put the touches on it as you did with some of your other fics. :)
| The Autumn Queen chapter 4 . 1/14/2013
Do you normally put a birth and death date in a obituary? I can't remember...
Certainly an interesting line: "In Hell where she belongs". It totally goes against the "forgiving the dead" thing; almost makes a sense of hatred seem eternal...but at the same time if I imagine that daughter reading this years and years later, she may have regretted and therefore that obituary becomes a reminder of her foolishness and bitterness.
A little nit-pricky, but I can't help but think "eldest" would work better than "oldest".
| The Autumn Queen chapter 3 . 1/14/2013
Contrary to your summary, I found this short collection rather interesting. :)
In terms of this one in particular, I think it's a little formal for a modern text message. Except for the x's at the end, there's nothing short hand or no smilies (not that I can think of an appropriate one) in there; the writing is like typical dialogue, so it sounds more like a recorded message. Since the title is "text", perhaps writing it not so...well, properly, would make it more impactful as a text message. While it adds to the clarity, it takes away from the form, and I think there was subtlety you could have played with by using shorthand that you've left here.
On the other hand, I really like the shortness of this, because while it's small and simple, it's also something extremely common and relateable, if not always in that context. Therefore there's no need for long-winded explanations that usually accompany prose, because even though there's nothing personifying in it, there's something deeply personal and therefore engaging about it.
It's interesting; I've never thought to write like this before; I guess I've just always tried to fit it into something.
Sorry for not reviewing something longer; I browsed through all your new stuff and this one screamed out to me.
| AFractionOfMySoul chapter 4 . 11/6/2012
Morbid, but well written. I like how succinct, yet eloquent these pieces have been. Look forward to more.
| AFractionOfMySoul chapter 3 . 11/6/2012
It makes you wonder what exactly happened that the person's sorry for. There are a million possibilities other than the obvious, but then again, what IS the obvious? Great job, think you've mastered the art:D
| AFractionOfMySoul chapter 2 . 11/6/2012
Love how random all of them were.
| AFractionOfMySoul chapter 1 . 11/6/2012
Should be interesting. Hemingway, right?
| physics223 chapter 2 . 10/30/2012
Hemingway wrote that statement to prove that short stories need not even span more than one sentence. I liked Shopping List best - it somehow reminds me of Rose for Emily. :) I find these vignettes to be quite enjoyable.
I know it's pretty unfair but I was hoping you could review my one-shot, A Drunken Haze.
| Complex Variable chapter 2 . 10/30/2012
A "Shopping List" might make for a fun poem; especially if the ingredients are for a witch's brew, or something like that. :)