|Reviews for The Abortion|
| TheRaceCarDriverMaverick chapter 1 . 12/2/2012
I like the concept of this story. Quite original and chilling! I find the idea of someone you were intimately connected with coming back as a ghost or anything "undead" especially creepy, and what more intimate connection is there than that shared between a pregnant mother and her unborn child? Of course, it's a bit taboo as well, so it's going to be "pushing the envelope" of what most people are willing to accept.
There are some issues with the grammar/form, and I think the story could be developed more, but I think it's a solid beginning and may be a concept worth developing further. Have you considered re-writing it to make it longer and draw out the suspense more? I like what you did as far as trying to give the hospital a creepy feel. Maybe you could build on that some more, and, later on in the story, have the "undead" daughter reveal that there was some "dark secret" to the hospital, and that's the reason for the daughter being able to come back from the dead. Just a thought.
Anyway, good luck and keep coming up with original ideas!
| Krystal Watters chapter 1 . 10/31/2012
Lots of grammar mistakes and punctuation mistakes. Please be careful about editing before posting. Busboy is one word btw.
Although I tend to lean pro-life, I don't ever appreciate vengleful babies/children because that's against the idea of martyrs going to heaven especially if the father had no idea... and the ideo of Limbo (at least by the Catholic church) was ruled out several years ago...
Stylistically it's very creepy, though I feel that the tension could have been built up more, and I especially think that the frantic father decreases from the tension rather than builds to it.
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Winston Churchill