I really like where this plot is going! Is Daja magical and stuff if he's able to see Balasar in his dreams?

[Best to think of him in terms of what he was and would be, not memories of who he had once been.] That sucks 'cause it's kinda true. For all the citizens, Daja is only view as this thing, this tribute, not an actual human being. D: Goooooooooooooooooood theme of human observation and stuff.

[At least the water basins had been removed so as not to tempt him.] I forgot to comment on this in the last chapter, but that must suck. The poor guy is up in the desert and he cant even have a lap of water. D: He's going to be easy pickings for Balasar since he's all weak and light headed from lack of water.

[Even Asseo, who Daja knew to be a terrible warrior, was armed] DX

OHHHHHHH ASSEO'S PAST MAKES MEH SAD. It makes me wanna snuggle him and pat him slowly, cooeing into his ear and saying "IT'S OKAY BAYBEH, YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL TO MEH."

Very dramatic ending. And nicely written, LIKE ALWAYS. :D Poor Isoba. D: AND AESSO. HE MUST LIVE AND FIND DAJA AT THE END AND SCOOP UP IN HIS ARMS AND WHISK HIM AWAY TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER :'D *Slowly starts to push handdrawn picture of Asseo and Daja living happily ever after together with Balasar in the back with sad puppy eyes towards Tooth*

CLIFFHANGER. :I

[Proper interaction next chapter] Buttsex- err, I mean, a nice chat?

ERMAHGAWD. Yesterday, I was reviewing this and I got halfway through, and then my friend skyped me and caused my internet pages to close. DXXXXX I'll try to remember what I can. XP

[Warm, despite the still-cool nip of early dawn.] Aw, this is nice imagery. It makes me wanna go outside in the early rays of light and swim around in piles of dirt. And yes, I'd be naked. ;D

[He had plucked Daja from the arms of his sobbing mother...] grrrr, I remember yesterday I went on a rant 'bout how Isoba must suffer from massive guilt, and how that image of him taking Daja away from his mother must haunt him. BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL OF WHAT I SAID D'x

[Made his heart second guess where his true loyalties lie.] OH, and I also said something along the lines of Isoba feeling like a parent to Daja, or at least that's how I see it. He's breaking down, emotionally, as the time for Daja to leave draws nearer. :(

OH and the way you described Daja and his outfit in the colors of the god Vhaki was very...nice . He sounds very...smexy . But seriously, Daja sounds uber cute and it makes me wanna like be one of his masters or something XDDDD

Toot: *Slaps Tooth the dildo in her palm*

Daja: (._.)

Toot: Imma teach you some nice things, precious.

Daja: (O.O)

[And Isoba's heart remembered what it meant to break.] OOOOOOOOOOOOH D: So sad. But so pretty at the same time. Nice mid-ending. :'D

[subdued stirring reminded him of the woman at his side] 'Cause Balasar is a player, huh? :D He gets both genders XD JK.

I like how you talk 'bout Ismene's scars looking like they use to angle wings. It was a very nice and creative comparsion.

[, unabashed by his nudity,] 'Cause he likes to strut that naked ass. STRUT THAT ASS. XD

AH NICE CHAPTER IS NICE :DDDDD

I 'm glad we got to see Balasar again. :3

Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
Please write and update soon!
Katy

The imagery is really beautiful and I enjoy the many of the dialogues which are quite intense and such. The words are very fitting and suited to the whole background and historical aspect of the story. The sacrifice aspect reminded me of the Aztecs and Mayan beliefs too which I find really compelling and interesting. So far it's very enjoyable and I would gladly continue reading.

[the soon to set sun looked like an orb of melting gold awash with a backdrop of blood. It painted the domed golden roofs of the prouder buildings in rich, fiery hues, too resplendent to hold one's eyes on for long.] I love this description. The use of blood made me wonder if there was a little foreshadowing of violence.
I like the legend in this story. You've done very detailed lore like this in the past and it adds great depth to the story.
Congrats on the win

Sorry. I hope you don't mind me skipping ahead a chapter; I really want to read this scene. :P

Other: I really like how you focus on Asseo's earrings here in the beginning. I think it's an interesting detail, and it's a great way to give his character a unique tick that makes him feel even more real, with how he plays with his earrings when he's nervous. I also enjoy this system of age, and how it can be determined by the types of earrings a person wears. It's a very vivid image that both sticks in my mind, and also gives me an interesting fact about the general society. I'm wondering if this pops up again as a recurring symbol, too. I'm also glad we're given a little more of an image as to Asseo's skin color, because I've been wondering if they're a darker brown like I've been picturing them in my head, or even darker.

Character: I find the way Daja is so naive before this "lesson" with Asseo is oddly adorable. His submissive attitude really says a lot about him, and it makes me wonder what type of person Daja would be if he weren't living the life of a slave. Would he be this humble and shy? I think another great example of Daja's humility is when Asseo says his name "like a prayer" and Daja immediately feels ashamed. I think that reaction of his, considering the heat of the moment, really says a lot about him and his dedication - or fear - of his god.

Relationship: I find this relationship between Asseo and Daja incredibly fascinating. You use Asseo's body language incredibly well, showing that Asseo cares for Daja, but at the same time might be attempting to fight against his feelings for obvious reasons. I'm wondering if Asseo is really going to be able to let Daja go, or maybe if Asseo has a hand to play in Daja's escape. I also find Daja's side in this relationship intriguing, especially with how he consents to Asseo's wishes though he doesn't desire to sleep with him. And near the end when Daja finally realizes Asseo may be attached to him, I noticed how Daja doesn't seem to share those feelings. I wonder if this one-sided attachment will bring certain repercussions in the future.

Scene: The sex scene was really well done. I love how tastefully you handle it, and yet you're also very vivid and descriptive. I love how you handled that description of when Daja was inside Asseo, comparing it to Daja's previous experiences of when his masters were inside of him. The way you keep using the word "raw" is perfect. It's such a graceful, yet vulgar word - which I think really fit the tone. The scene itself dances between vague and explicit, and I really enjoy that touch. I think it matches Daja's character and his regard toward sex, though that might sound silly. I only feel bad for him since he doesn't enjoy it as much as Asseo, but this also gives me the hope that he'll one day learn to like it once he finds the right person to share the experience with.

Opening:

[Drawing a steady breath, Daja gathered the wind into his lungs like a man unsheathing a sword for his last battle and let the thought of imminent death wash over him.]

[It whistled restlessly today; short huffs and scattered breezes cut up like nervous laughter.]

[The thought itched, burrowing in no matter how he tried to usher it aside.]

These three sentences are by far my favorites from the opening. Again, just like the previous chapter, I think you do a great job with gradual openings rather than those hooking, grab-you-by-the-throat openings - which I think really fits this story so far. Since Daja is kind of in a reflective/meditative state, it only makes sense to have the tone of the opening mirror this, and you do a great job doing this. Right away I feel just as calm as Daja, though that sense of alarm is forever in the back of his mind, knowing his death is coming soon. It's very... depressing. I don't even know him yet and I already feel bad for him.

Scene: I think you handle this quiet scene of Daja thinking to himself wonderfully. The way you utilize flashback when he's thinking of his training is very well done, especially how you contrast each of his teachers, from gentle, to abusive, to endurance. I also think you spend just the right amount of time between the present and the past, going back and forth between Daja's memories, and then back to where he's presently standing, effectively building two settings at once. It's a very back and forth type of narration, but it's really effective in keeping a reader's attention - especially when you got someone as impatient as me, haha. This kind of reminds me of a trilogy I once read called the "Kushiel" trilogy - you should look into them if you haven't read them, I think you'd like them. But anyways, I really like this scene of Daja. Right away I'm opened up to his memories, and it helps me sympathize with him in such a short amount of time.

Theme: I really like this idea of these sacrifices going to the next world to satisfy the gods (or "god," in this situation). I think it makes senses, and it's also a great reason to give Daja intelligence, humility, and to make him overall a fascinating, as well as incredibly deep and intelligent character. But I also think it brings up an interesting argument on whether or not this would be seen as a good thing, being a sacrifice for these gods. I'd imagine being a god's slave is a position the general populace would all love to fill, because it kind of promises a sense of immortality... but at the same time, I'm sure actually being in this situation, as I can tell from Daja's musings, isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Setting: I touched briefly on this already, but I really love how you develop the setting along with Daja's back-story. I think my favorite image is definitely the wind chimes, and I love how you go into so much detail about each one and the noise they make near the top of the chapter. The way it addresses the senses of sight and sound are wonderful (plus I have a strange fascination for wind-chimes). And I was so happy to see them mentioned again as Daja is about to leave - I think it creates a very concrete image in the reader's mind, and I find myself also lamenting that he may never see that place again. I've become so attached to it, and I've never even been there myself. It's funny how that works.

Sorry if these reviews aren't being very helpful. I really can't think of anything to criticize yet. :P

Writing:

[sun looked like an orb of melting gold awash with a backdrop of blood. It painted the domed golden roofs of the prouder buildings in rich, fiery hues, too resplendent to hold one's eyes on for long.]

I think this is a brilliant example of where a lot of description can be really helpful. When you describe a scene like this, being very specific with unique details, it really helps me picture it. Normally I say I'm not one for a lot of description, but I've recently realized it's not that I don't like description - I just don't like cliche/vague/redundant description. And this is very far from cliche or vague or being redundant; it's quite lovely. And that mention of blood is really vivid.

[When Abdhi smiled this time, it came off as far more feral—a desert lion, coiled to pounce.]

Very nice follow-through with the metaphor. Just like I mentioned earlier, the "feral" is very vague, but you follow it up with such a great, vivid picture of the lion.

Dialogue:

["Mm." Abdhi hummed into a sip of wine.]

I really liked this little speaker tag. In fact, your dialogue does a great job carrying inflection and emotion, even though right now there's just a normal conversation occurring. I thought the above sentence was so cool because I know people do this, and I've done it myself, seen other people do it, but I've never known how to describe it. And I think you really nailed it. I also really like how you handle the plot of this story, kind of cluing the reader into what's going down and what's about to happen through their conversation. It's so much more engaging than an info-dump, and it kept my attention throughout the entire chapter.

Plot: And speaking of plot, this sounds like an incredibly interesting story. I really enjoy the lore behind everything, not to mention the setting. I don't think I've ever read a story that takes place in the desert, so it'll be really fun to see how you handle and describe things since it'll all be new to me. Considering your thus far descriptions, I have a feeling it's going to be a rather beautiful story to read. I also think this idea of the "Gift" is very intriguing, and I love how they revere the sacrifice. It makes me think of Final Fantasy X, where there are these summoners who everyone loves and shit, but the summoners also have to end up sacrificing themselves for the better good of the world. It's a great plot basis, and it says a lot about their community.

Characters: I really like Balasar. Only one chapter in, and I'm already rooting for him. There's just this strange infatuation I have with anyone who's an asshole to those who are higher in authority or standing. I guess it's that "fuck the police" attitude that I find so appealing, because I wish I could be more like that. Balasar definitely has "bad-boy" written all over him, and due to his chaotic nature (I can already tell he's going to be unpredictable), I can see this story going in all types of different directions. I really loved near the end when he got Abdhi all flustered while agreeing on a price for his services.

Also, just as a side note, I think it's worth mentioning how this story is a great example of how someone can write both quantity and quality for a Nano project.

I am so happy you updated! This is the most amazing story, thank you so much for sharing your talent. You are one of those writers that can create characters that stay with the reader long after they finished reading.

Hey, being sent off to die in a desert and having your parental figure/mentor die is a perfectly valid reason to cry. If anyone disagrees I dare them to go through it without crying themselves!

Anyway, loving the story so far, though I keep wanting to read his name as "Balthazar" for some reason... :/

Gorgeous ending. I loved every bit of that last scene; it was just so beautiful. (and why can’t I come up with anything more profound). Nice blended threads of imagery in that, flowing together to make a watercolour painting of sort. Very pretty.

I kind of skimmed over the NSFW bit, but I did note the dialogue and I really like the themes and relationships that were brought out there. I think having Daja as a male character was a clever idea; it gives to a little freedom from the female stereotype in this circumstances and adds another element to everything. And the interplay between the Gods’ realm and the human realm was nicely done there as well.

Ooh, I love your descriptions in this. They’re so picturesque, I can really see the scene you’ve painted here. A little more long-winded than I’m used to from you, and I think some parts could be cut out ifyou were looking for more concise, but it works and it is NaNo after all. Even if it wasn’t, I like descriptions anyway. :)

I think perhaps you should slow the pacing of those initial images a little; the dialogue that follows is good as it gives a bit of width to the images, but at the beginning they pass by a little too quickly for my liking. I think perhaps if you slow it a little by putting actions and thoughts into it, the scenes themselves would seem more prominent. Those first paragraphs sort of melt into each other and that makes some of your scenes inconsequential, if only because of the way you follow up by really fleshing things out.

wow! its awesome!
BTW could you please update dragon lord's bride soon.

So excited for this chapter, and you wrote it so well! I absolutely cannot wait for Daja and Balasar next chapter! And no, I don't think Daja's a cry-baby, I really like him :)