|Reviews for The God Slave (Prev: To Walk in the Wind)|
| alltheeagles chapter 13 . 6/9
I still don’t know if you’re doing this as a fantasy (taking the angry deity aspect further) or a ‘factual’ account (explain everything rationally) but I guess it doesn’t really matter at this point since we’ve been sidetracked into Daja and Asseo’s love(?) story. It will matter in the end, I suspect – if Bala gets cursed by the god or something, whose side will Daja be on? Assuming it’s still about Bala and Daja then and not Daja and Asseo.
I take back what I said about Isme’s wound being insignificant cause of the ‘foreign energy’ incident. Still no idea how far or how wide the plot gets, but if it’s of saga proportions, then I think Isme definitely has a larger role to play in future.
I like the latest development – Daja gets to show that he’s good for something else other than as a substitute for a woman. That should change the dynamics between him and the men. I hope Asseo gets a chance to show his stuff too. But wait he already did that in the fight and it didn’t impress anybody… wonder what’s going on.
Eeeeee I'm almost out of chapters to read! Arggh...
| alltheeagles chapter 12 . 6/7
RG EF review
I was wrong – not Bala to the rescue but Asseo! Not that he did such a great job at that, but hey it’s the thought that counts. Right now I’m not so sure if Asseo did that out of a priest’s sense of outrage or if it’s personal, but he gets major points for trying. He’s rising fast in my like rankings, anyway.
I thought you’d hold off the rape but I guess it makes more sense for it to actually happen. It illustrates how little worth Daja gives himself, and also there is that flash of resistance in ‘I accomplished what I intended.’
The ending part was a good contrast to the madness. It made me feel all achy in the heart and now I’m definitely keeping SS Dajeo afloat. It’s interesting, really, how Daja and Asseo have become the centre of this story when it was presented as a Bala-focused piece in the summary but maybe this will change later. *GASP* You’re not going to… do something… to Asseo? To get him out of the way? Oh poorpoorpoor Asseo!
| alltheeagles chapter 11 . 6/7
Nice balance here between the spookiness of the abandoned village and Isme’s story of how she got her scars. Not sure if this figures in the grand scheme or if it’s just an interesting anecdote. I’m thinking the latter, since GS (lazy to type out the whole title) is now shaping up to be an at-least- twice-around-the-park jog rather than a brisk walk around the block. There are at least two questions to answer after all: Will Bala keep Daja for himself, and will the prophesied destruction really come to be? Incidentally, I’m assuming that news of Daja’s snatching has spread already if the villagers are already panicking. Nobody mentioned it though…
That was a superb ending line. Ooh was the only thing that came to mind when I read it, but after I’d blinked a few times, I came to my senses and predicted that you wouldn’t carry through with it, based on the way you’ve been writing this. Instead, I’d say it’s about time Bala stepped in, and it’ll also be an indication of the degree and style of authority that Bala has over his underlings. Now let’s see if I read you correctly…
| alltheeagles chapter 10 . 6/7
Ugh, who’s this blob of pity putty? Yes, I know he’s been conditioned all his life to obey and yes I know he’s just had his entire world destroyed. My point: I understand WHY he’s behaving this way but emotionally I don’t LIKE it. I want sparks and ‘Yes master’ spat out with a hiss not this… meek little slave girl. Okay, I’ll stop ranting here, and just conclude by saying that I hope he snaps out of this soon.
I have a thing for hurt/comfort too and that was a nice nod to it there in the Asseo-Daja reunion. Asseo is really shaping up as a major player in how he’s the source of doubt, so to speak, to Daja’s faith. That makes this piece a ‘thinking’ piece rather than an exercise in titillation, clappity-clap. Oh what the heck, I may as well launch my ship now: I hereby set sail on SS Dajeo! Unless you convince me that Bala is having second thoughts about his latest source of income.
Finally: the door breaking like brittle bones – nice line, that.
| alltheeagles chapter 9 . 6/7
I’d thought that Asseo was a single-use character like Isoba and the others but now that it’s clear he isn’t, I’m glad he’s still around. He’s the reminder of who/what Daja is and while he’s still around I don’t think Daja will be so willing to have a happily ever after ending with Bala. Not sure how much more complication you plan to put in but hey, I’m along for the ride! Only I do hope you’re not gonna have a Asseo-Daja-Bala triangle cause I don’t like those.
On Asseo himself, he’s turning out to be a rounded character as well with clear motivations and internal conflict, and surprisingly likeable – if I were in a shipping mood I’d give him and Daja a shot. The only nitpicky thing I have to say is that he’s in amazingly good shape after a no-holds-barred gangbang. Unless you meant that they’re taking turns to have him – but then in the previous chapter it was implied that he was already public property? By Jaleah I think, going ballistic on Bala for allowing it.
| alltheeagles chapter 8 . 6/4
I was expecting Daja to be all hysterical on the ‘I’m gonna kill myself right now’ scale. But I like this much calmer waking up scene. Daja’s acceptance of the fact that he was alive was not completely unrealistic because you’d already set up in earlier chapters how Daja had doubts about his fate.
Daja’s concern for Asseo was of course an Awww moment but I think you could have milked it a little more – I think Daja should have wondered what the vial contained, and spent a bit more time thinking what might be happening to Asseo, cause both of these would heighten the tension of the moment. Bonus: it’d show Bala that Asseo is important to Daja and that would be the seeds of jealousy. Yeah, yeah, I just want some fangirl UST…
Having said that, good on you for not describing the rape. I don’t mind really, so long as you make it clear that it’s not being glorified, but it’s a sensitive thing for a lot of people so I predict that if you had gone into details, no matter how subtle, it will draw you more flak than anything you’ve written so far.
| alltheeagles chapter 7 . 6/3
Right, so this is the gut-reaction chapter. Well, it’s much shorter (but you know that already) but I think that’s not necessarily a shortcoming (haha, bad pun!) because it gives us breathing space after all that madness. I do like how you insert the moralizing (of sorts) – it sets up the question of whether Bala will get a guilt trip later over what he’s done.
The other interesting (wait, that should be INNNNNNNNNTERESTING) point is that you kept Asseo alive. Heh. Oh what a lot of mischief that could lead to. I hadn’t thought of him as being so small in size though based on your earlier descriptions. I had the impression he was a little larger than Daja. Maybe Daja’s small too. Hmm. Yeah it makes sense that Bala’s men would be larger than the priests on grounds of ethnicity really. Suddenly I get an image of hulking westerners and dainty easterners.
| alltheeagles chapter 6 . 6/3
RG EF review
Oho! You’ve set up a skirmish! I thought it’d just be Daja languishing in the desert and then Bala swoops in and carries him off and he maybe thinks Bala is the god so gives in to him. I like this way too – it brings up different implications and possibilities as to the plot direction, but I’d have chickened out from it cause I can’t write action scenes. I did wonder how the plot was discovered, but that’s a VERY minor point.
I like how you surprised us with the attack, that was well done, the initial priming (Be alert! There’s a attack expected...) and then the slow talking with Asseo and then suddenly Wham! Action... Or well, suggested action anyway, haha... I should have expected that from you, really, based on your subtle lovemaking scenes. Anyway, it’s no skin off my nose cause action scenes bore me and I tend to skip them anyway.
And finally, in spite of what you said about taking so long to introduce the MCs to each other, I think it works here. You took time to show us how and why Isoba and Asseo and all the rest of them were important or significant to Daja, and that makes it all the more powerful when he loses them, as well as setting up for motifs of revenge and all that later.
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 3 . 6/3
Nice! A woman, finally! It's interesting how different this culture is to ours...keep writing!
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 2 . 6/3
Okay, didn't expect to see the Gift's side of things. Very cool. I'm wondering what's going to happen next!
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 1 . 6/3
Very interesting. All this terminology is very foreign to me, so it was cool to learn something new!
| Chiscribe chapter 5 . 6/2
What really stood out in this chapter was the characterization of Isoba, it's fairly consistent with how you mention him earlier in the story as the master who tends to the gardens and there are some amazingly rich metaphors you use during his introspection and descriptive writing that hearkens back to his vocation. This chapter is also filled with a sort of sadness for Daja's sacrifice that is beautifully written, as you do a great job of getting their emotions across through their words and subtle actions.
Very unique metaphors as well from Balas perspective about the meaning of scars such as the one about them being "clipped angels wings". I can't say it enough but you really have a flare for descriptive writing that permeates nearly every sentence of this story and is reinforced by a unique setting and well rounded characters. I'm also noticing you changed the title, and if there's any nitpick I have is that I actually preferred To Walk In The Wind, idk it just has more of an exotic sound to it that fits the tone of the story, The God Slave seems kind of brutish in comparison. lol
| Grinning Cat chapter 14 . 6/2
I really love everything you do with the characters. And i cannot say that i dislike one of them. - special thanks for not making the women bitchy, sadly this is one of the few m/m ffs in which they are likeable. I grew fond of both women and liked daya's interactions with them.
Great story. Hope you find the time to write and update soon.
Have a nice day :-)
| GrinningPervert chapter 12 . 6/2
BUT, in more ways than that, it’s just really the fact that Daja has been growing so much as a character that it really keeps me saddled to this crazy horse ride. I love how you make me care for him in this chapter: how you make his anger so understandable, and how you make me respect him when he stands up for himself. So many authors would have just written him off as some broken little toy, but you actually have him defy those hardships and become someone who may just use his ‘fate’ to his advantage (carve out a destiny for himself). See, even if this wasn’t a smut story and only focused on Daja being stolen from his fate (without the sex stuff, without his being a whore to the gods), I’d still be utterly behind this, because of how he’s been developing. And there is Balasar: Balasar hits so many buttons for me, like in this chapter where he shows how conflicted he is between his desire and the fact that doing the wrong thing would make him no better than the others. But I really love all of your characters, and as a character fan: welp, I’m in love with this chapter (because everyone is well fleshed out, because everyone develops).
As a pure M/M fan, I really enjoy the budding hints of romance in this chapter: and the UST ! You know, I have never been a fan of instalover or instant sex: if you’re going to write an M/M story, make me *excited* for them to get together, make me ship them so hard that I cannot think of anything but them being together. Don’t make it cheap. Make me invest in the characters. And you are doing this exactly. So :D :D :D
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 12 . 6/2
So interesting tidbit: I didn’t realise you had updated yet again, because I was reading chapter 14 and wondering what the hell was going on XD. But I’m intent to catch up, though work (gah) and finals (more geh) are making that a wee bit difficult. It’s only because the RG does place a deadline on me that I manage to keep up :P
I always, always suspected that Asseo had been a virgin before Daja; he’s always been so loving and insecure around Daja, just like a cute pup who’s fallen in love for the first time. And given what you have revealed here and how shy/insecure he still is around Daja, it really makes sense – plus, it also opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for the two of them. I think it’s undeniable at this point that there is a connection between the two of them: slightly romantic, slightly erotic but – above all – a comradeship that is starting to grow very close and sweet. It’s also an oddly tentative relationship, because of how they are still holding back (Asseo especially), and Daja not wanting to take more from Asseo that the latter is willing to offer. I think that’s very realistic, given how they started off and what they have been through, but I also love how their relationship has evolved – from Daja seeing Asseo as his master and being perplexed by him, to now acknowledging that Asseo is the only one he’s got left (and whom he wishes to protect, at all costs).
It’s not all fluffy, of course: I’m worried that Asseo is not saying everything – that he’s not making his love clear, and that Daja, while he’s attracted, is not in love with Asseo, I believe. If anything, I think he’s clinging to Asseo so out of guilt and a desire to retain the only thing of his old world that he still has left. Of course, I do think that he cares: it’s obvious that he is protective of Asseo, because Asseo is a cute little pup who’s been broken beyond belief already, but I worry that the two of them will get hurt if they don’t communicate properly. But they are so sweet together, the poor pups, and their little kiss in this chapter was one of my favourite moments in this chapter: so simple yet heart-wrenching (just two broken boys drawing comfort from each other).
But yes: I love that you hinted at the growing and budding chemistry between Balasar and Daja here; it’s nice to see that Balasar is acknowledging Daja’s beauty and even shows hints of attraction. It’s nicer even that he did consider bedding Daja, but then decided it against it: he knew that it was wrong to Daja in such a way. More than that, I really want to see those two come together (heh), because they both want it. The potential is definitely already there: with Daja being so openly defiant and even criticising Balasar (for being pathetic), and Balasar acknowledging that he wants Daja more now, because he’s no longer a perfect doll (but broken and thus more real). What really excited me though is Balasar saying what he likes (intelligence and power and loyalty), because I think it’s a hint of what Daja already is (and just might become). I honestly think you’ve been doing a great job with those two: their slow build-up is becoming increasingly more heated, and you also develop the relationship at a very believable pace, in my opinion.
I am going to have to commend you for how far Daja has become: he’s definitely become his own master now, no longer afraid to defy or challenge someone when he feels that’s right. Honestly? I think that’s even further cry from the last chapter, where he was just beginning to defy. He was openly defiant in this chapter, towards Balasar and even Asseo. But let’s start with Balasar: I like that Daja openly confronted him about his life/or lie of omission. That was not only badass, but also very true, showing that Daja does not like bullshit and that he won’t stand for it :D I like that; it makes Daja someone who has a strong sense of right and wrong, and who doesn’t accept anything in the middle. I also like that he is so critical of Balasar and even aware of how empty the man’s life is: I also liked that he realised what bond Balasar and Ismene shared. It shows that he’s not just been lying idly around, but actually observed his surroundings ( he’s definitely intelligent). I like that he didn’t seem openly broken in this chapter, but took what he could handle and even expressed that he didn’t regret it (it shows that he’s persistent and powerful). Honestly I could write you a whole list of why Daja is awesome, but in a nutshell: he has a lot of layers, and I respect that you’re writing him as a strong person who may become even stronger.
But that’s not just Dajaa: Asseo has been showing strength and defiance too. I liked that he wanted to go and stop whatever was happening to Daja, and that he *had* to be held back. It shows how earnest and desperate he is in keeping Daja safe (his love is so real). But more than that, it also shows how he’s even less afraid now. Beyond that, I just love how gentle he is as a person: washing Daja’s wounds and telling him about his life, because he knows that this will calm/soothe Daja. He’s such a lovely person, and I love what you are doing to him. It would have been so easy to just make him some pathetic weakling, but even if one could apply those characteristics to him, he’s also a brave, loyal and very compassionate character who deserves kudos for what he’s been through (and how he’s been handling it).
I loved how you further handled Balasar in this chapter, with him battling between desire, and then finally not giving in: it shows that he has a sense of honour, and that he will not do something despicable just because he can. I respect him so much, and I can see why Daja is starting too, as well :D (not that I didn’t love Balasar before). I really loved how Balasar handled things in this chapter, using his authority to put a stop to things and being completely serious/uncompromising about it. You can see why he’s such a great leader, and why those men follow him: he’s completely competent.
Shout outs go to Ismene and Ozzrick too – but I need to move onto the next section :P
I LOVE LOVE that all those howling storms and the emptiness of the village have not been left ignored or acknowledged by the other characters (I mean the bandits). It would have been so easy to just brush it off as some whimsical mood of Daja’s, but the fact that you are touching upon these issues again in this chapter fully implies that i) Daja’s stealing away from the temple and ii) his not following his destiny will have severe consequences on the troop/these surroundings (if they haven’t already). I love how you touch upon this via dialogue, but also the atmosphere in this chapter: the men raping Daja so frantically and desperate, the silence before that event, and how it took a gunfire for all that to stop. It all shows that Daja’s presence/his stealing from the temple has awoken something dark and looming, and while the gangrape was not necessarily connected to his stealing, I do think it shows how crazily people react in the consequence of something so unexpected happening (like Daja being stolen and the world ending because of this). Even Balasar doesn’t want to touch Daja because he senses that he’s done something unpardonable. So yeah, even our voice of reason realises that something bigger is going on here. Yeah, sorry if I ramble here, but I just love, love that you touch upon those issues and themes built upon in the previous chapter and continue the story from here. It shows that you have a bigger plan, and more than that, that you know how to keep our interests engaged in story.
Also, this is so much more than just a slash story. But, what I really appreciate, is that you never forget to remind us that it’s a romance too, with various relationships taking centre stage or being developed. I can actually see a conflict of interest evolving already between Daja/Asseo and Balasar/Asseo. Of course, at the moment, all of this isn’t terribly dramatic: Balasar still wants to sell Daja, and it’s only natural that Daja would be close to Asseo. But I cannot help wondering if this will not become a huge issue one day, if it’s not going to create a conflict even. So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that I can see the seeds you are planting here, and I like it – like again that you are taking your time to develop I tall, and let it fuse into the bigger picture. What I mean by that is that romance is not the biggest factor in this story, but that it’s still an important one: Asseo is driven by his feelings for Daja, and Daja is driven to act because he wants to protect Asseo. Balasar fits into the equation by being someone Daja wants to challenge. Lovely :D
I don’t want to talk about the writing, so I’m just going to go for this category :P But yes, your writing is one of the huge reasons why I love this story, but definitely not the predominant one. Still, I enjoy your smooth prose, your lovely descriptions because they appeal to the lover of the beautiful in me. There were many sections in this chapter were I just went ‘dawww, this is so beautifully written’ and ‘I really like how you write this: it really helps me lose myself in this world’. So, of course, the fact that this chapter is so well-written and manages to make me forget RL for a while (because of how your prose just carries me into this different world) is a huge factor in me loving this.
BUT, in more ways than that, it’s just really the fact that Daja has been growing so much as a character that it really keeps me saddled to this crazy horse ride. I love how you make me care for him in this chapter: how you make his anger so understandable, and how you make me respect him when he stands up for himself. So many authors would have just written him off as some broken little toy, but you actually have him defy those hardships and become someone who may just use his ‘fate