|Reviews for The God Slave (Prev: To Walk in the Wind)|
| Chiscribe chapter 6 . 6/13/2015
I really liked the pacing of this chapter. It starts off deceptively slow with just the tiniest hint of impending danger only to have the scene explode in a fury of swords and blood. The action scene itself was wonderfully written and detailed enough as to not leave anything to the imagination while still keeping your vivid style intact, particularly with the descriptions of the mercenaries being so foreign to Daja.
I also liked how you pulled a kind of bait and switch in dealing with the death scene, as I was sure Asseo was about to be the one to die after his personable monologue to Daja, I kind of figured that as the end to his brief character arc. lol
And finally, Daja and Bala meet up! Can't wait to see their interactions with each other!
| alltheeagles chapter 14 . 6/9/2015
*Applause* What was that for? For the fight scene! Fight scenes bore me usually but this one was nice and brisk and to the point. Elegant even – you made it sound like a dance of some kind and the inclusion of the wind suggested something more was at work than mere training. So anyway, mightily impressed.
The other thing I like is that Daja is getting Bala’s attention through his fighting ability and not (merely) his prettiness and obvious carnal experience. It goes both ways too – Daja wanting to know how Bala thinks – and I think that’s a better foundation for a relationship than if they were all over each other from the word go. Incidentally Bala’s been portrayed as pretty straight so far, orientation-wise. Is that a significant point, I wonder? Is Daja going to ‘turn’ him, so to speak…
The ending was sweet (‘us’ – nice!) and serves as more wind in the sails of SS Dajeo (pun intended, not matter how bad…)
Nnnnnooooo! No more chapters...
| alltheeagles chapter 13 . 6/9/2015
I still don’t know if you’re doing this as a fantasy (taking the angry deity aspect further) or a ‘factual’ account (explain everything rationally) but I guess it doesn’t really matter at this point since we’ve been sidetracked into Daja and Asseo’s love(?) story. It will matter in the end, I suspect – if Bala gets cursed by the god or something, whose side will Daja be on? Assuming it’s still about Bala and Daja then and not Daja and Asseo.
I take back what I said about Isme’s wound being insignificant cause of the ‘foreign energy’ incident. Still no idea how far or how wide the plot gets, but if it’s of saga proportions, then I think Isme definitely has a larger role to play in future.
I like the latest development – Daja gets to show that he’s good for something else other than as a substitute for a woman. That should change the dynamics between him and the men. I hope Asseo gets a chance to show his stuff too. But wait he already did that in the fight and it didn’t impress anybody… wonder what’s going on.
Eeeeee I'm almost out of chapters to read! Arggh...
| alltheeagles chapter 12 . 6/7/2015
RG EF review
I was wrong – not Bala to the rescue but Asseo! Not that he did such a great job at that, but hey it’s the thought that counts. Right now I’m not so sure if Asseo did that out of a priest’s sense of outrage or if it’s personal, but he gets major points for trying. He’s rising fast in my like rankings, anyway.
I thought you’d hold off the rape but I guess it makes more sense for it to actually happen. It illustrates how little worth Daja gives himself, and also there is that flash of resistance in ‘I accomplished what I intended.’
The ending part was a good contrast to the madness. It made me feel all achy in the heart and now I’m definitely keeping SS Dajeo afloat. It’s interesting, really, how Daja and Asseo have become the centre of this story when it was presented as a Bala-focused piece in the summary but maybe this will change later. *GASP* You’re not going to… do something… to Asseo? To get him out of the way? Oh poorpoorpoor Asseo!
| alltheeagles chapter 11 . 6/7/2015
Nice balance here between the spookiness of the abandoned village and Isme’s story of how she got her scars. Not sure if this figures in the grand scheme or if it’s just an interesting anecdote. I’m thinking the latter, since GS (lazy to type out the whole title) is now shaping up to be an at-least- twice-around-the-park jog rather than a brisk walk around the block. There are at least two questions to answer after all: Will Bala keep Daja for himself, and will the prophesied destruction really come to be? Incidentally, I’m assuming that news of Daja’s snatching has spread already if the villagers are already panicking. Nobody mentioned it though…
That was a superb ending line. Ooh was the only thing that came to mind when I read it, but after I’d blinked a few times, I came to my senses and predicted that you wouldn’t carry through with it, based on the way you’ve been writing this. Instead, I’d say it’s about time Bala stepped in, and it’ll also be an indication of the degree and style of authority that Bala has over his underlings. Now let’s see if I read you correctly…
| alltheeagles chapter 10 . 6/7/2015
Ugh, who’s this blob of pity putty? Yes, I know he’s been conditioned all his life to obey and yes I know he’s just had his entire world destroyed. My point: I understand WHY he’s behaving this way but emotionally I don’t LIKE it. I want sparks and ‘Yes master’ spat out with a hiss not this… meek little slave girl. Okay, I’ll stop ranting here, and just conclude by saying that I hope he snaps out of this soon.
I have a thing for hurt/comfort too and that was a nice nod to it there in the Asseo-Daja reunion. Asseo is really shaping up as a major player in how he’s the source of doubt, so to speak, to Daja’s faith. That makes this piece a ‘thinking’ piece rather than an exercise in titillation, clappity-clap. Oh what the heck, I may as well launch my ship now: I hereby set sail on SS Dajeo! Unless you convince me that Bala is having second thoughts about his latest source of income.
Finally: the door breaking like brittle bones – nice line, that.
| alltheeagles chapter 9 . 6/7/2015
I’d thought that Asseo was a single-use character like Isoba and the others but now that it’s clear he isn’t, I’m glad he’s still around. He’s the reminder of who/what Daja is and while he’s still around I don’t think Daja will be so willing to have a happily ever after ending with Bala. Not sure how much more complication you plan to put in but hey, I’m along for the ride! Only I do hope you’re not gonna have a Asseo-Daja-Bala triangle cause I don’t like those.
On Asseo himself, he’s turning out to be a rounded character as well with clear motivations and internal conflict, and surprisingly likeable – if I were in a shipping mood I’d give him and Daja a shot. The only nitpicky thing I have to say is that he’s in amazingly good shape after a no-holds-barred gangbang. Unless you meant that they’re taking turns to have him – but then in the previous chapter it was implied that he was already public property? By Jaleah I think, going ballistic on Bala for allowing it.
| alltheeagles chapter 8 . 6/4/2015
I was expecting Daja to be all hysterical on the ‘I’m gonna kill myself right now’ scale. But I like this much calmer waking up scene. Daja’s acceptance of the fact that he was alive was not completely unrealistic because you’d already set up in earlier chapters how Daja had doubts about his fate.
Daja’s concern for Asseo was of course an Awww moment but I think you could have milked it a little more – I think Daja should have wondered what the vial contained, and spent a bit more time thinking what might be happening to Asseo, cause both of these would heighten the tension of the moment. Bonus: it’d show Bala that Asseo is important to Daja and that would be the seeds of jealousy. Yeah, yeah, I just want some fangirl UST…
Having said that, good on you for not describing the rape. I don’t mind really, so long as you make it clear that it’s not being glorified, but it’s a sensitive thing for a lot of people so I predict that if you had gone into details, no matter how subtle, it will draw you more flak than anything you’ve written so far.
| alltheeagles chapter 7 . 6/3/2015
Right, so this is the gut-reaction chapter. Well, it’s much shorter (but you know that already) but I think that’s not necessarily a shortcoming (haha, bad pun!) because it gives us breathing space after all that madness. I do like how you insert the moralizing (of sorts) – it sets up the question of whether Bala will get a guilt trip later over what he’s done.
The other interesting (wait, that should be INNNNNNNNNTERESTING) point is that you kept Asseo alive. Heh. Oh what a lot of mischief that could lead to. I hadn’t thought of him as being so small in size though based on your earlier descriptions. I had the impression he was a little larger than Daja. Maybe Daja’s small too. Hmm. Yeah it makes sense that Bala’s men would be larger than the priests on grounds of ethnicity really. Suddenly I get an image of hulking westerners and dainty easterners.
| alltheeagles chapter 6 . 6/3/2015
RG EF review
Oho! You’ve set up a skirmish! I thought it’d just be Daja languishing in the desert and then Bala swoops in and carries him off and he maybe thinks Bala is the god so gives in to him. I like this way too – it brings up different implications and possibilities as to the plot direction, but I’d have chickened out from it cause I can’t write action scenes. I did wonder how the plot was discovered, but that’s a VERY minor point.
I like how you surprised us with the attack, that was well done, the initial priming (Be alert! There’s a attack expected...) and then the slow talking with Asseo and then suddenly Wham! Action... Or well, suggested action anyway, haha... I should have expected that from you, really, based on your subtle lovemaking scenes. Anyway, it’s no skin off my nose cause action scenes bore me and I tend to skip them anyway.
And finally, in spite of what you said about taking so long to introduce the MCs to each other, I think it works here. You took time to show us how and why Isoba and Asseo and all the rest of them were important or significant to Daja, and that makes it all the more powerful when he loses them, as well as setting up for motifs of revenge and all that later.
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 3 . 6/3/2015
Nice! A woman, finally! It's interesting how different this culture is to ours...keep writing!
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 2 . 6/3/2015
Okay, didn't expect to see the Gift's side of things. Very cool. I'm wondering what's going to happen next!
| superninjamonkey10 chapter 1 . 6/3/2015
Very interesting. All this terminology is very foreign to me, so it was cool to learn something new!
| Chiscribe chapter 5 . 6/2/2015
What really stood out in this chapter was the characterization of Isoba, it's fairly consistent with how you mention him earlier in the story as the master who tends to the gardens and there are some amazingly rich metaphors you use during his introspection and descriptive writing that hearkens back to his vocation. This chapter is also filled with a sort of sadness for Daja's sacrifice that is beautifully written, as you do a great job of getting their emotions across through their words and subtle actions.
Very unique metaphors as well from Balas perspective about the meaning of scars such as the one about them being "clipped angels wings". I can't say it enough but you really have a flare for descriptive writing that permeates nearly every sentence of this story and is reinforced by a unique setting and well rounded characters. I'm also noticing you changed the title, and if there's any nitpick I have is that I actually preferred To Walk In The Wind, idk it just has more of an exotic sound to it that fits the tone of the story, The God Slave seems kind of brutish in comparison. lol
| Grinning Cat chapter 14 . 6/2/2015
I really love everything you do with the characters. And i cannot say that i dislike one of them. - special thanks for not making the women bitchy, sadly this is one of the few m/m ffs in which they are likeable. I grew fond of both women and liked daya's interactions with them.
Great story. Hope you find the time to write and update soon.
Have a nice day :-)