Reviews for The God Slave (Prev: To Walk in the Wind)
alltheeagles chapter 7 . 6/3
RG EF

Right, so this is the gut-reaction chapter. Well, it’s much shorter (but you know that already) but I think that’s not necessarily a shortcoming (haha, bad pun!) because it gives us breathing space after all that madness. I do like how you insert the moralizing (of sorts) – it sets up the question of whether Bala will get a guilt trip later over what he’s done.
The other interesting (wait, that should be INNNNNNNNNTERESTING) point is that you kept Asseo alive. Heh. Oh what a lot of mischief that could lead to. I hadn’t thought of him as being so small in size though based on your earlier descriptions. I had the impression he was a little larger than Daja. Maybe Daja’s small too. Hmm. Yeah it makes sense that Bala’s men would be larger than the priests on grounds of ethnicity really. Suddenly I get an image of hulking westerners and dainty easterners.
alltheeagles chapter 6 . 6/3
RG EF review
Oho! You’ve set up a skirmish! I thought it’d just be Daja languishing in the desert and then Bala swoops in and carries him off and he maybe thinks Bala is the god so gives in to him. I like this way too – it brings up different implications and possibilities as to the plot direction, but I’d have chickened out from it cause I can’t write action scenes. I did wonder how the plot was discovered, but that’s a VERY minor point.
I like how you surprised us with the attack, that was well done, the initial priming (Be alert! There’s a attack expected...) and then the slow talking with Asseo and then suddenly Wham! Action... Or well, suggested action anyway, haha... I should have expected that from you, really, based on your subtle lovemaking scenes. Anyway, it’s no skin off my nose cause action scenes bore me and I tend to skip them anyway.
And finally, in spite of what you said about taking so long to introduce the MCs to each other, I think it works here. You took time to show us how and why Isoba and Asseo and all the rest of them were important or significant to Daja, and that makes it all the more powerful when he loses them, as well as setting up for motifs of revenge and all that later.
superninjamonkey10 chapter 3 . 6/3
Nice! A woman, finally! It's interesting how different this culture is to ours...keep writing!
superninjamonkey10 chapter 2 . 6/3
Okay, didn't expect to see the Gift's side of things. Very cool. I'm wondering what's going to happen next!
superninjamonkey10 chapter 1 . 6/3
Very interesting. All this terminology is very foreign to me, so it was cool to learn something new!
Chiscribe chapter 5 . 6/2
What really stood out in this chapter was the characterization of Isoba, it's fairly consistent with how you mention him earlier in the story as the master who tends to the gardens and there are some amazingly rich metaphors you use during his introspection and descriptive writing that hearkens back to his vocation. This chapter is also filled with a sort of sadness for Daja's sacrifice that is beautifully written, as you do a great job of getting their emotions across through their words and subtle actions.

Very unique metaphors as well from Balas perspective about the meaning of scars such as the one about them being "clipped angels wings". I can't say it enough but you really have a flare for descriptive writing that permeates nearly every sentence of this story and is reinforced by a unique setting and well rounded characters. I'm also noticing you changed the title, and if there's any nitpick I have is that I actually preferred To Walk In The Wind, idk it just has more of an exotic sound to it that fits the tone of the story, The God Slave seems kind of brutish in comparison. lol
Grinning Cat chapter 14 . 6/2
I really love everything you do with the characters. And i cannot say that i dislike one of them. - special thanks for not making the women bitchy, sadly this is one of the few m/m ffs in which they are likeable. I grew fond of both women and liked daya's interactions with them.
Great story. Hope you find the time to write and update soon.

Have a nice day :-)
GrinningPervert chapter 12 . 6/2
BUT, in more ways than that, it’s just really the fact that Daja has been growing so much as a character that it really keeps me saddled to this crazy horse ride. I love how you make me care for him in this chapter: how you make his anger so understandable, and how you make me respect him when he stands up for himself. So many authors would have just written him off as some broken little toy, but you actually have him defy those hardships and become someone who may just use his ‘fate’ to his advantage (carve out a destiny for himself). See, even if this wasn’t a smut story and only focused on Daja being stolen from his fate (without the sex stuff, without his being a whore to the gods), I’d still be utterly behind this, because of how he’s been developing. And there is Balasar: Balasar hits so many buttons for me, like in this chapter where he shows how conflicted he is between his desire and the fact that doing the wrong thing would make him no better than the others. But I really love all of your characters, and as a character fan: welp, I’m in love with this chapter (because everyone is well fleshed out, because everyone develops).

As a pure M/M fan, I really enjoy the budding hints of romance in this chapter: and the UST ! You know, I have never been a fan of instalover or instant sex: if you’re going to write an M/M story, make me *excited* for them to get together, make me ship them so hard that I cannot think of anything but them being together. Don’t make it cheap. Make me invest in the characters. And you are doing this exactly. So :D :D :D
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 12 . 6/2
So interesting tidbit: I didn’t realise you had updated yet again, because I was reading chapter 14 and wondering what the hell was going on XD. But I’m intent to catch up, though work (gah) and finals (more geh) are making that a wee bit difficult. It’s only because the RG does place a deadline on me that I manage to keep up :P

*Relationships*

I always, always suspected that Asseo had been a virgin before Daja; he’s always been so loving and insecure around Daja, just like a cute pup who’s fallen in love for the first time. And given what you have revealed here and how shy/insecure he still is around Daja, it really makes sense – plus, it also opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for the two of them. I think it’s undeniable at this point that there is a connection between the two of them: slightly romantic, slightly erotic but – above all – a comradeship that is starting to grow very close and sweet. It’s also an oddly tentative relationship, because of how they are still holding back (Asseo especially), and Daja not wanting to take more from Asseo that the latter is willing to offer. I think that’s very realistic, given how they started off and what they have been through, but I also love how their relationship has evolved – from Daja seeing Asseo as his master and being perplexed by him, to now acknowledging that Asseo is the only one he’s got left (and whom he wishes to protect, at all costs).

It’s not all fluffy, of course: I’m worried that Asseo is not saying everything – that he’s not making his love clear, and that Daja, while he’s attracted, is not in love with Asseo, I believe. If anything, I think he’s clinging to Asseo so out of guilt and a desire to retain the only thing of his old world that he still has left. Of course, I do think that he cares: it’s obvious that he is protective of Asseo, because Asseo is a cute little pup who’s been broken beyond belief already, but I worry that the two of them will get hurt if they don’t communicate properly. But they are so sweet together, the poor pups, and their little kiss in this chapter was one of my favourite moments in this chapter: so simple yet heart-wrenching (just two broken boys drawing comfort from each other).

But yes: I love that you hinted at the growing and budding chemistry between Balasar and Daja here; it’s nice to see that Balasar is acknowledging Daja’s beauty and even shows hints of attraction. It’s nicer even that he did consider bedding Daja, but then decided it against it: he knew that it was wrong to Daja in such a way. More than that, I really want to see those two come together (heh), because they both want it. The potential is definitely already there: with Daja being so openly defiant and even criticising Balasar (for being pathetic), and Balasar acknowledging that he wants Daja more now, because he’s no longer a perfect doll (but broken and thus more real). What really excited me though is Balasar saying what he likes (intelligence and power and loyalty), because I think it’s a hint of what Daja already is (and just might become). I honestly think you’ve been doing a great job with those two: their slow build-up is becoming increasingly more heated, and you also develop the relationship at a very believable pace, in my opinion.

*Characters*

I am going to have to commend you for how far Daja has become: he’s definitely become his own master now, no longer afraid to defy or challenge someone when he feels that’s right. Honestly? I think that’s even further cry from the last chapter, where he was just beginning to defy. He was openly defiant in this chapter, towards Balasar and even Asseo. But let’s start with Balasar: I like that Daja openly confronted him about his life/or lie of omission. That was not only badass, but also very true, showing that Daja does not like bullshit and that he won’t stand for it :D I like that; it makes Daja someone who has a strong sense of right and wrong, and who doesn’t accept anything in the middle. I also like that he is so critical of Balasar and even aware of how empty the man’s life is: I also liked that he realised what bond Balasar and Ismene shared. It shows that he’s not just been lying idly around, but actually observed his surroundings ( he’s definitely intelligent). I like that he didn’t seem openly broken in this chapter, but took what he could handle and even expressed that he didn’t regret it (it shows that he’s persistent and powerful). Honestly I could write you a whole list of why Daja is awesome, but in a nutshell: he has a lot of layers, and I respect that you’re writing him as a strong person who may become even stronger.

But that’s not just Dajaa: Asseo has been showing strength and defiance too. I liked that he wanted to go and stop whatever was happening to Daja, and that he *had* to be held back. It shows how earnest and desperate he is in keeping Daja safe (his love is so real). But more than that, it also shows how he’s even less afraid now. Beyond that, I just love how gentle he is as a person: washing Daja’s wounds and telling him about his life, because he knows that this will calm/soothe Daja. He’s such a lovely person, and I love what you are doing to him. It would have been so easy to just make him some pathetic weakling, but even if one could apply those characteristics to him, he’s also a brave, loyal and very compassionate character who deserves kudos for what he’s been through (and how he’s been handling it).

I loved how you further handled Balasar in this chapter, with him battling between desire, and then finally not giving in: it shows that he has a sense of honour, and that he will not do something despicable just because he can. I respect him so much, and I can see why Daja is starting too, as well :D (not that I didn’t love Balasar before). I really loved how Balasar handled things in this chapter, using his authority to put a stop to things and being completely serious/uncompromising about it. You can see why he’s such a great leader, and why those men follow him: he’s completely competent.

Shout outs go to Ismene and Ozzrick too – but I need to move onto the next section :P

*Plot*

I LOVE LOVE that all those howling storms and the emptiness of the village have not been left ignored or acknowledged by the other characters (I mean the bandits). It would have been so easy to just brush it off as some whimsical mood of Daja’s, but the fact that you are touching upon these issues again in this chapter fully implies that i) Daja’s stealing away from the temple and ii) his not following his destiny will have severe consequences on the troop/these surroundings (if they haven’t already). I love how you touch upon this via dialogue, but also the atmosphere in this chapter: the men raping Daja so frantically and desperate, the silence before that event, and how it took a gunfire for all that to stop. It all shows that Daja’s presence/his stealing from the temple has awoken something dark and looming, and while the gangrape was not necessarily connected to his stealing, I do think it shows how crazily people react in the consequence of something so unexpected happening (like Daja being stolen and the world ending because of this). Even Balasar doesn’t want to touch Daja because he senses that he’s done something unpardonable. So yeah, even our voice of reason realises that something bigger is going on here. Yeah, sorry if I ramble here, but I just love, love that you touch upon those issues and themes built upon in the previous chapter and continue the story from here. It shows that you have a bigger plan, and more than that, that you know how to keep our interests engaged in story.

Also, this is so much more than just a slash story. But, what I really appreciate, is that you never forget to remind us that it’s a romance too, with various relationships taking centre stage or being developed. I can actually see a conflict of interest evolving already between Daja/Asseo and Balasar/Asseo. Of course, at the moment, all of this isn’t terribly dramatic: Balasar still wants to sell Daja, and it’s only natural that Daja would be close to Asseo. But I cannot help wondering if this will not become a huge issue one day, if it’s not going to create a conflict even. So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that I can see the seeds you are planting here, and I like it – like again that you are taking your time to develop I tall, and let it fuse into the bigger picture. What I mean by that is that romance is not the biggest factor in this story, but that it’s still an important one: Asseo is driven by his feelings for Daja, and Daja is driven to act because he wants to protect Asseo. Balasar fits into the equation by being someone Daja wants to challenge. Lovely :D

*Enjoyment*

I don’t want to talk about the writing, so I’m just going to go for this category :P But yes, your writing is one of the huge reasons why I love this story, but definitely not the predominant one. Still, I enjoy your smooth prose, your lovely descriptions because they appeal to the lover of the beautiful in me. There were many sections in this chapter were I just went ‘dawww, this is so beautifully written’ and ‘I really like how you write this: it really helps me lose myself in this world’. So, of course, the fact that this chapter is so well-written and manages to make me forget RL for a while (because of how your prose just carries me into this different world) is a huge factor in me loving this.

BUT, in more ways than that, it’s just really the fact that Daja has been growing so much as a character that it really keeps me saddled to this crazy horse ride. I love how you make me care for him in this chapter: how you make his anger so understandable, and how you make me respect him when he stands up for himself. So many authors would have just written him off as some broken little toy, but you actually have him defy those hardships and become someone who may just use his ‘fate
littleanemonefish chapter 14 . 6/2
The fight scenes. The foreshadowing. The sexual tension. I loved it all. Amazing chapter!
Itsa Mia chapter 14 . 6/2
Just a thought, but I like the first title better. It works with the little tidbits you include about Daja's influence over the wind. New title doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room when imagining how the story will go, especially since you had asseo say that thing about a legendary gift.
Ok, the chapter. Whowee that was fun. Really fast imagery there. I felt like I was watching that scene in the mummy when Rachel Wiess fought her sister for the right to protect/marry their father the Pharaoh. Or something like that it's been a while since I've seen those films lol.
K it's 4 am just needed to read it before bed xD
Moonberry chapter 12 . 6/1
I cannot help but hope that Asseo and Daja end up together, but I do not know if that is entirely realistic.
GrinningPervert chapter 11 . 6/1
*Relationships*

I think that Daja and Balasar are very much the main pairing of this story, and I can already see the beginnings of a very strong relationship here. They already challenge each other: I, at least, think that Daja is, with his ability to link reason and faith, someone that directly challenges Balasar, provoking him to see the world differently. Where Balasar is more practical and cold, I think Daja is more compassionate, and I really like this contrast, because I think they are each other’s missing links. I also think that it already makes their relationship go beyond the merely physical, even if at the moment physical interest has merely been hinted at from Balasar’s side. I definitely think that Balasar is intrigued by Daja, which was quite clear in this chapter.

He no longer sees Daja as a mere sex toy, but a man who’s capable of his own thought and draws his conclusion based on his intellect and not just blind belief. I loved that realisation, because I think it was tinged with respect. This was, IMO, further evidenced by how he treated Daja with respect and care after that conversation, wishing him a goodnight and not mocking him any longer. That is a far cry from the man who treated Daja like some fool in the earlier chapters.

Daja himself, I think, is beginning to see Balasar as an interesting man, but I also think he’s angry at Balasar at the latter end of this chapter: for him, Balasar has broken his promise. He believed in him, and that the result was that Asseo was still getting assaulted every night. That is sad, and I think it will be an important plot factor in the next few chapters. But yeah, what I really like is that Daja is not so fascinated yet; it’s more in line with what a kidnapped/stolen person would feel. There’s anger and bitterness, and I think that Daja may be warming up, but it’s going to take a while for those two to get anywhere yet.

Last point: I really like how you have been treating Asseo and Daja in this story. I would not say that Daja is in love, but it’s clear that he cares about Asseo deeply. There’s a definite bond of friendship between the two men that was not just born out of Asseo being the earlier survivor. But what I liked in this chapter was that Daja was fully provoked into acting on Asseo’s behalf: because he cared that much. It just shows how strong their bond is.

JFKFJKFJF NEED TO END THIS REVIEW BUT THIS WAS A GREAT CHAPTER OKAY
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 11 . 6/1
Well, that escalated quickly O_o Let me just ffff gather my thoughts before I even try to review this coherently. Holy crap though. I was hoping you would not go there, but you did ): (yeah I spoiled myself a bit for the next chapter but anyhow).

*Plot*

This chapter is practically evil in how it starts off so slowly and practically harmlessly before shit hits the fan. I kind of liked how it had those seemingly positive elements at the beginning: Balasar and Daja reaching an understanding (they said goodnight to each other, aww!) and the whole awesomeness of Ismene bonding with Daja (and Asseo). It lulled me into a false sense of security, you know? Up until specific plot events in this chapter, I was hoping that this would be the starting point of something better and hopefully less painful for Daja and Asseo, but nope, nope, you really did just have to make me regret feeling too comfortable XD. But yeah: I really love the quieter moments of this chapter, because they not only build up/lead up to the more tense moments in this chapter so very well, but they also deepened the characters/relationships so well. I was particularly fond of Ismene’s revelation as to why she spoke Daja’s language so well (but I’ll get to that later). Honestly, now that I think of it, the writing in the quieter moments of this chapter was tense, and I ought to have known, but moving on XD

I guess what really shocked me was that Daja would not budge in this chapter. I was hoping he would, I thought that Ismene being there would make him effing shut up, but nope. He actually went ahead and offered himself, after smashing a dish. Holy fucking cow. Seriously. I wanted to stop reading momentarily, because I just did not want to see it happen. I did not want to see Daja get hurt, but he went ahead and did it – and you, evil person, completely defied my expectations and hopes. It was quite clever and emotionally devastating but really clever. I think that one of the best ways to lure a reader into a story/make the plot memorable is by being completely evil: a lot of good writers shock us, because they do to places that we don’t want them to go /don’t think they would have the guts to do. But yeah, you did, and you have my immense respect for that.

The point why I respect you further for doing this, is because it wasn’t unexpected, when I think about it, really. Daja’s anger and desire to step in – that was already hinted from a few chapters ago. Of course, he would snap – and alcohol, a clever plot device you introduce in this chapter, is only more likely to make this decision easier for him. I like that, in the end, the decision for him to step in, was logically traceable and understandable, even it makes me worried for him (but it also makes me respect him all the more).

Of course, this is a very good chapter, because of how the plot makes me damned curious as to what’s going to happen next: you want to know whether the men will really touch Daja, after being explicitly provoked like this. You want to know if Balasar will stop this madness, you want to XDD… you know the only reason why I’m not reading the next chapter yet is because I’m reviewing this one XDDD (I guess that’s the one thing I do dislike about reviewing each chapter individually – sometimes I seriously just want to yell at people in screencaps and then continue reading, while loving the author and yet cursing them to them to heavens :P). So yeah, in a nutshell: very, very good plot in this chapter. You’re evil.

*Dialogue*

There was honestly badass dialogue in this chapter, for various reasons. The first reason why I think your dialogue was amazing, on a technical level in this chapter, was because it flowed amazingly well: there were no awkward pauses/obstructions between dialogue and interleaving prose in between, the dialogue sounded natural, and it was joy to see how everyone spoke differently from each other. Not everyone does it well, but with you – and in this chapter especially – I could envision the characters talking to each other, could actually visualise and hear them talking, like seeing a film unroll before my eyes. It’s amazing and does a lot for the tone and character interaction in this story: keep on doing whatever you are doing in terms of dialogue, because you rock.

The second reason as to why I love the dialogue, is because a lot of the dialogue in itself was just amazing: lovely lines that I want to quote back at you, because they are just so memorable. I’m not sure if my favourite is Daja stating that even godless men will pray in their last hour, or Ismene’s recounting her backstory, but you write such beautiful, inspirational lines (are you a Hannibal fan? Are you? If not, you might give NBC’s Hannibal a go: some of your dialogue, dark and twisted as it is, reminds me of that show exactly). I’m not only giving you such high praise here, because I genuinely enjoy good and memorable lines, but because they really add flair and extra beauty to your story. Besides, the fact that you manage to interweave such beautiful lines into your dialogue without making your characters sound awkward or stilted is amazing. In fact, I think it all fits in splendidly because of how lush your prose is, and how intelligent your characters are. It just fits.

The third reason – and the last one – is that each of your dialogue actually adds to the characterisation and plot; you don’t just throw lines at us, but choose careful phrases and lines that help build up character interaction and pinpoint important moments. I felt that each of Daja’s dialogue in this chapter stressed his budding anger and growing defiance, until he finally smashed that dish and openly told the men to just choose him, instead of a harmless man (I love how aggressive his lines were, how challenging). Ismene’s backstory was beautifully told through the dialogue, showing us her dark past in a very natural and beautiful manner. I liked how she seemed to be so straightforward about it too, which really made me respect her as a character. The lines between Balasar and Daja were lovely, because they showed how they clashed and how they stood at odds.
I am only stopping here, because I need to move onto the next section, but fkfjfkjf your dialogue.

*Characters*

I have immense respect for Daja in this chapter. Sure, he’s being stupid and stubborn, but I think – and that’s very important, given how you’ve been building/writing him for this whole story – that he’s growing up. He’s finally showing defiance and a mind of his own, which previously he was denying to do /not allowing himself. I think that this was very nicely built up to, by him firstly defying Balasar when the other man tried to reason with him regarding the villagers. I like that even Balasar recognises that it’s not superstition talking here, but Daja being honestly intelligent and wise: he’s not a silly kitten, but he’s definitely aware of how people work. That, and I think – to bring me back to my earlier point – he’s not going to agree with Balasar, just because Balasar is used to giving commands.

So yeah, this was well built up, and I think the only thing Daja needed to finally snap was alcohol and seeing Asseo getting hurt. I think that the anger just overflowed then, and I liked that he didn’t listen, but decided to step in, because he didn’t want others getting hurt for his sake. I think that’s important to note, because it shows that he’s a kind man, too. He feels for others, and he’s compassionate, which is something that sets him as a contrast to Balasar too (who cares, but only really gets involved with the people how are close to him). Daja, meanwhile, I think may grow into someone who is not going to allow anyone to get hurt in his stead.

Congrats, kid – that’s a huge step for someone who, in the first few chapters, was used to merely serving.

I loved Ismene in this chapter: you’re quickly making her one of my favourite characters, because of how charming she is – how kind and strong, but also because of how she’s honestly trying to bond with Daja. She’s not strong enough to help him everywhere, but she at least *tries*. And I like that she seems like him as a person too, reaching out to him and telling him about herself, so that he can learn about others, outside from the temple. Okay, I am blabbering but she is a lovely character, and I hope that we are going to see more of her :D Hmm, otherwise: I loved those little hints about Balasar being childish: like him being so used to getting his way. It was kind of funny and even cute, because you can tell that he’ll maybe need someone to give him a bit of tough love :P But yeah, I loved that he wasn’t so proud here, that he realised that Daja was right, no matter how much he tried to deny it.

*Relationships*

I think that Daja and Balasar are very much the main pairing of this story, and I can already see the beginnings of a very strong relationship here. They already challenge each other: I, at least, think that Daja is, with his ability to link reason and faith, someone that directly challenges Balasar, provoking him to see the world differently. Where Balasar is more practical and cold, I think Daja is more compassionate, and I really like this contrast, because I think they are each other’s missing links. I also think that it already makes their relationship go beyond the merely physical, even if at the moment physical interest has merely been hinted at from Balasar’s side. I definitely think that Balasar is intrigued by Daja, which was quite clear in this chapter.

He no longer sees Daja as a mere sex toy, but a man who’s capable of his own thought and draws his conclusion based on his intellect and not just blind belief. I loved that realisation, because I think it was tinged with respect. This was, IMO, further evidenced by how he treated Daja with respect and care after that conversation, wishing him a goodnight and not mocking him any longer. That
alltheeagles chapter 5 . 6/1
RG EF review

I get a deep sense of sadness from reading this chapter. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like it, it just made me feel all choked up. Somehow you plucked the right strings or whatever it is that you did. Okay, okay, I’ll try to be more specific. I think it was most likely the way Isoba kept remembering Daja as a boy. That was a wicked effective contrast to the way Daja was adorned – that description of him as a figurine was a particularly solid jab in the guts for me. And then the line about Isoba’s heart breaking – I swear I almost started bawling. What prevented the embarrassing public display was the second part that came immediately after. I like that there is a lingering sense of melancholy in it, but it is downplayed by the teasing mock-bickering between Bala and Ismene. It was also clever of you to insert Bala’s views on innocence and perfection, because I’m sure these will come into play when he finally encounters Daja.
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