About the only issue I have with this story so far is an absolute non-issue: it will take me a while until I remember the names (I’m really bad with names XD). But I care enough about your characters (your babies) enough that I want to call them properly by their name, so I actually went back to the first chapter to make sure that I remembered Balasar’s name XD. Why? I cannot wait when he will pop up, and free Daja from his ordeal :D (…and more, but I’ll keep my thoughts out of the gutter, for now :P).

So: your writing is absolutely pretty. It’s really, really obvious that you’ve poured thought and care into your words, and that you’re conveying an atmosphere through your rich descriptions. I really enjoyed those quiet moments Daja had in this chapter, like exploring the garden and just enjoying the company of the wind. It created a mood that was both wistful and also helped me gain a clear idea of what his settings are like. I enjoyed it a lot: the descriptions were just rich enough to help me create a mental image of the settings, but sparse and so scattered throughout the chapter that they never distracted me from the dialogue or the general plot. Kudos on that :3 Basically, I’m just saying that this chapter fulfils both my needs for having a) an easy read, but b) also being pretty and inspiring in terms of prose :)

I like Daja already – he’s not just a pretty little sex doll, but does have a mind and wishes of his own. I like that you don’t make him too entirely conflicted yet; he wants to escape, but it’s more of a natural reaction to being well-read and well, being a human being. He’s not overtly miserable, and I like that he has a sense of duty and responsibility, even if that isn’t always easy. Why do I like it? It avoids this cliché of the protagonist being desperate to escape (just waiting for a miracle), and rather paints the image of a more realistic, nuanced character. Daja is nuanced: he wishes to be independent, but he’s also eager to fulfil what he feels to be his destiny. I sense a lot of conflict and character development ahead of this. I also like that he’s implied to be good at many things – like fighting and reading. That makes for an even more interesting character and defies the notion of him just being some cute little ‘uke’ :P (not that he has to be *that* either :D I’m all for reversible couples/switching :P).

Haha, I appreciated that you kept the naughty bits very, very tasteful in this chapter. Far too often, I think, writers feel the need to flesh out all the implied adult bits in a story – even when it doesn’t serve any plot-related purpose. Yes, while I feel that it might have been interesting to read about all of Daja’s experiences with his masters, I think it was great to tone down the adult material here and just focus on what was really important: namely the difference in how they treated him and how each master helped Daja grow up just a little bit. I think I’m torn between his first and the second one: the first, because he may turn out to be an important character perhaps, and the second one… because I have a specific kink that you somehow fulfilled there XDDD. I liked the newest master as a character – it seems that he really does care about Daja, and it’s a shame that he and Daja could not have met under different circumstances.

About the third master? I like that Daja had some positive sexual experiences, but I feel that he’s not defined by his sexuality yet. If anything, I feel that Daja still has to learn what good sex even is, at this point. After all, he’s never really been with anyone he’s really wanted :/ I’d really like to see how he grows as a person and lover when he meets someone who challenges and defies him.

Just dropping in to say once again how intriguing this story is and I'm really happy to be able to read it consistently so the story stays fresh on my mind

RG EF review

I like your subtlety in the descriptions of Daja's 'pleasure giving training'. It was rather unexpected, given that the piece is rated M but maybe you have more intense things in store. Anyway, it shows that one does not need to be explicit to portray what's going on. Just wondering, though, if they were preparing him for any situation, why was he on the receiving end all the time? Is Vhaki a confirmed top? Perhaps a little naughty of me, but still, that was what came to mind...

I was puzling over the significance of ending the chapter with Asseo, because it seemed not to fit with the rest of the chapter, which is mostly a reminiscence and backstory. It's not to say I didn't like this episode, but I assume that it fits in the bigger picture somehow and I can't see how that works at this point. Still, I'm confident this shall be revealed in due time...

This is a very good start to an intriguing story! Right from the start I love your vivid descriptions in the first passage because you cater to the sense of smell in such a clear way that really defines the land.

I thought the backstory was paced pretty well also, with tidbits of the history of Bhepal and its surrounding lands separated deliberately between informative prose and the ministers dialogue, it really made the writing flow and you got your points across in describing the rich setting without it being too wordy.

I also appreciate the world you've crafted, I can tell you spent a lot of time working on the mythology and that shows great dedication to your piece! I sense a sort of Middle Eastern flare to the world that really comes across as original in its names and places.

And finally even though it wasn't explicitly mentioned in the first chapter I feel as though the slash would work for this story because of the exotic nature of the locales and your already impressive descriptive writing.

Awesome job!

RG EF

I like this very much! It combines two of my favourite things: fantasy and slash. Haha...

Ok, I'll be more specific. I like the dialogue - the wordplay is witty and yet not trying too hard. I like how there is a veneer of politeness in spite of all the nasty threats underneath and horrible deeds being discussed.

I also like the setting - it's a change from the usual Euro-centric worlds and THANKFULLY not a single wizard, wand or pointy hat in sight. At the moment it's fairly simple as in giving the characters suitable names and using a foreign language, but I hope you keep it up with customs, dressing, the whole lot.

Opening: I like your style of prose, it’s very engaging and the imagery used works well. I like the olfactory stimuli that the story opens with. Meat, fish, spices and frying fruits all mixed. One can imagine it. Gorgeous description of the building in sunset too. It all paints the scene well, ready for the plot to get started.

Writing: Your use of imagery is very rich when you use it. I especially like: “…(the sun) painted the domed golden roofs of the prouder buildings in rich, fiery hues, too resplendent to hold one’ eye on for long.” After the vivid descriptions of the opening, the story unfolds by means of dialogue and the world is further built up by what Balasar knows of Akan and what he can get from Abdhi. It is punchy and pacey and the way the two men, neither of them a very attractive character, play off against one another is interesting and you kept my interest well enough.

Setting: Here is the main strength of this chapter. You manage to build up Bhepal a lot in this chapter. I’ll point out a few of my favourite aspects: the wretchedly poor in the city that Balasar knows about – the two thin shop keepers and skeletal beggars juxtaposed with the Minister’s extravagant abode. The history of the fifty year cycle of the world delivered in a way that is a story within a story, not simply an information dump. The economics of it – I’m a real stickler for such detail and applaud you for giving thought to how the relative value or scarcity of water could be used as a means of control. And then how this seamlessly leads into the theology of your world and the significance of the human sacrifice. Whether the pantheon is real or not, I already want to learn more.

Characters: Seem pretty solid, given they haven’t had a lot of time to develop in this fairly short chapter. Balasar may be cynical and somewhat ruthless, but he is the sympathetic one of this pair. I applaud his frank appraisal of the Minister – a superstitious nutcase placed in high office. I don’t know yet whether this storm god actually exists, so don’t know if the villainous Minister is really a nutcase, but I like that Balasar cannot be phased by much. I smiled when he pressed his advantage in beating the fee up. Makes perfect sense that he has the advantage if literally no one else would take the mission. Regarding Abdhi having resorted to methods that would make more honourable men cringe in order to get his position though… perhaps that might have been shown more and told less? Just a suggestion.

Techniques: I enjoyed your world building delivered in a way that makes perfect sense to the plot. Obviously Balasar, as a foreigner, needs quite a lot explained to him in preparation for the minister and we get to learn more about your world in this way. The imagery is strong throughout and I think measured out appropriately. The economics (with the droughts and floods) and mythology (the storm god, the sacrifice and the mission) of your world are already vital parts of the plot. Good techniques all round.

Enjoyment: I especially like reading about the mythology/history with the great flood and the sacrifice. It seems like you are well read on different mythologies world wide. I would also mention that I enjoyed the Minister’s discomfiture about Balasar coolly tripling his fee. I would still like to know about the precise value of the rhebal though. I suppose that is worked into the story later.

I love the language in this, the word choice/play especially. The writing overall is pretty gorgeous. From the beginning it was a quality that stood out, like from the moment I saw you use cacophony to describe a torrent of all sorts of senses not just sound. Cool trick and the kind of writing that makes for a fun, engaging read.

The sense of setting is pretty strong already too, and I like that a lot. In my own writing I tend toward less description of place and all which I think can make it fall flat if you don't have a great character or story to build on, but I love to see when people make the setting/environment as much a part of the storytelling and do it well, so that hopefully I may glean from their skill haha :D. What I like about it here is it feels very subtle and natural, not like long blocks describing sights and such, you get a good feel from the characters, the dialogue, and the sensory details throughout all working together. It's very nicely handled.

Speaking of character, it's not just all worldbuilding details like names and things like mentioning he doesn't drink...you get a pretty good sense of the main character Balasar already from this and he seems pretty likeable! Interesting, maybe, is a better word, because I'm not usually too concerned with a protagonist's rootability haha (though he doesn't seem like a bad guy or anything!). But I like that he seems smart and like the small quippy sort of responses he was prone to making throughout.

So, I enjoyed the reading experience quite a bit for all those fun reasons, and the writing was very easy to get into. But I have to admit the plot was probably less so? It's weird because I liked reading the words, haha, but didn't really feel grabbed by the story of it all until the end. I loved the end! It made all the other less appealing stuff seem like, "hmmm I could read on about this" all of a sudden.

That's probably just a personal taste thing, and definitely not about the quality of the writing! I'm not sure what I would change about it, though, I like that you revealed most of the pertinent points through dialogue since it felt more natural, but maybe, if there were a way, to reveal less and build more mystery I would've been more intrigued by story and less wrapped up in the fun writing style? I don't know that's probably useless haha. But I did enjoy it!

Wow, what a heavy chapter, Tooth O_O I wasn't surprised to see that we switched into a different perspective in the opening regarding the rape scene. That was very hard to read as it was for Asseo to even suffer through at the start of it. This really really characterizes the company that Bala keeps and it is not good. I liked that we at least get the switch back into him here after a few chapters of Daja because it reaffirms that he does have somewhat good intentions - or at least, he's not like the rest of his men, and neither are those closest to him, like Ismene. So yes, very intense opening scene. Difficult to read, but written very well. I could really feel Asseo's emotion in it and how much he struggled.

Like I said, I liked switching into Bala's POV to learn more about his character in the context of this situation. He didn't make as much fuss as I thought he might walking in on the scene, but I like how he carried Daja out to get the "full story" on what had happened. It was very wince-worthy to hear the confirmation that the men were mostly right (though crass, of course), but I especially liked Bala's reaction to the bit about Asseo, and how his rule had been bent and not clear. It also showed Daja's personality well when he asked if Bala would take him next - it was a bold thing to say but also a defiant one, I think. He's figuring out how Bala works - shown further when he asks what he wants or looks for in a partner. So yeah, really liked the characterization with Bala and his conflicted feelings - closing with the bit about the storm gods and the wind dying (very ominous).

The scene with Asseo and Daja was a refreshing one - it was nice to finally see the two of them together. I really liked how you opened the scene with Daja bending down to pray next to Asseo, and him not realizing it was Daja - it was a nice almost cinematic moment. I also liked how you went ahead and gave us more backstory on Asseo. I think I remember the reference when he says "you already know this about me" as something he'd revealed before, but I liked the hint there. I was wondering where Asseo might be going with his story when we get to the part about him being Daja's last teacher, and why - that really came together nicely. If anything there is in some sense a romance between Asseo and Daja but it's so complex - I really like that about it. It's clear that Asseo really cares about him. So, again, really great technique to weave in the backstory leading up to a lesson or thematic impact on Daja and what it means for him to be this sacrificial priest.

I'm very happy that you didn't have the physical bits with Asseo and Daja go anywhere beyond just kissing - and I like that you do allude to the pain and suffering Daja is feeling. As far as being raped - he doesn't act as traumatized as one might expect but I think it honestly makes sense, and a lot of that might hit him later in some form as well. This calmness he has fits his character and his purpose, as he states to Bala, and I think it was illustrated that this calmness was close to shattering perhaps even in the tub at the end when he's being washed and says he'll finish. It's a harrowing experience. I'm wondering if it will have any effects on his profession in the future.

Really great chapter, Tooth. Looking forward to another update. Oh, and before I leave - your language and writing in this was wonderful. So many great images, and some great moments, like the very first paragraph and the hesitance / description of that silence and Asseo's "bated breath" - then later all those little bits with the "wind" again. Lovely imagery and use of motif. Thanks for the evening read! (3/3)

What a pleasant surprise it was to see you've updated this! Poor Daja has a lot to learn about the real world and himself. I hope that he doesn't get thrown to the wolves.

The slow pace of this chapter really works - we have a tentative breaking of the no-attachment rule between master and servant. Asseo's very basic room either shows he is still of low status as a priest or all the rooms are that modest. Daja's naivety in not understanding that Asseo actually has feelings for him is a testament to how he has been raised - as a 'vessel'. It is appropriate to have some actual physical description of Daja here: his ethnicity seems distinct from that of his masters. Not sure whether this is a comment on how the 'gift' is chosen, whether it isn't completely random.

Daja has only had actual pleasure in his experience with Ramal. That seems more of a lust situation than anything romantic, unsurprisingluy. His conditioning makes this attempt at more spontaneous sex halting and hesitant - as is Asseo because he is breaking the rules. It is difficult to avoid cliches in writing sex scenes..flinty whine of pleasure is a new one. Daja's response to Asseo's expression when he penetrates him is telling and a major foreshadowing plot point presumably -'Daja knew he would never look like Asseo in that moment' There are some strong attempts at metaphor here - 'like a beached fish trying to teach himself to walk without example'..except perhaps the fish would be dying.

Asseo confessing that he will miss Daja is touching. Daja cannot properly respond to it. The smooth ritual of the prayer after the 'non-lesson lesson' sex is effective. The routine takes over and Asseo gives up making the event more personal.

The whole thing is handled well I thought.

I presume the dream prefigures Balasar. Is Daja gifted with second sight? In any case, it is an effective ending to the chapter.

This is a beautifully written and highly entertaining chapter. I enjoyed the description of the Minister's over luxurious household and Balasar's disgust with it. There is a great contrast between the shimmering fountains with their crisp water and the dirt and smells of the camel market. The bleating goat brings us down to earth nicely.

The relationship between Balasar and Oz is terrific. The critical but loyal second in command is a familiar figure but their dialogue crackles with life and also fills the reader in on Balasar's anti deist rebellious nature. I loved the humour - 'It's a rock' as a description of the carved goddess. Their conversation also adds more detail to the region's myths and legends/beliefs. We also get Balasar's views on love; unsurprisingly, he is in some kind of relationship but anti romantic. This sets him up nicely for a turn around in subsequent chapters.

Jeleah is feisty and fun. 'Count sand?' The use of dialect helps to add more credence to this very vivid world. The dialogue is wonderful - what is the difference between ordinarily and mysteriously castrated men, indeed.

I really can't find much to criticise here.

The ending of this chapter is the thing that stuck with me after reading - it's quite terrifying and such an excellent cliffhanger. After I read I really wanted to see more! I'm afraid for Daja, but yet again he proves his loyalties and almost a sense of honor in this that I really liked to see, just to spare Asseo. I'm interested to see what might happen after Daja makes this statement here at the end, especially in regards to what will happen IF this terrible thing goes down, and WHEN Balasar hears about it.

So your story is without a doubt my favorite slash story on FP. I always thought it was well done in the sense that, overall, you've got the smutty parts but you've also got a plot. I've felt recently that only having a plot - and not having any smutty parts at all...is not really slash in my opinion? Though you would probably know more. But if there's no sex at all, I mean, aren't the sex parts really what the marker is for because it turns people on, haha, so if not there, it just becomes a love story with two men, which, ya know, shouldn't really be something "labeled" imo - but I could probably go on a tangent here and won't. The thing is, I like how you balance the marker for it with a plot, and I especially like how you use Ismene (see, I had a point). It's probably no surprise that there are very little, if no, women in slash fiction. At least, I've noticed that over the years. Those that do add women add them sometimes in a way that feels minor and tacked on. They never feel like they have dimension or are even realistic, in some cases OR they can even feel forced - but Ismene is different. I really enjoy how "full" she feels as a character. You give her a bit of backstory in this chapter that really brings her to life in a unique way, but what I like is that she's relating back to Daja as far as sexual "use" or well, whoring - to use the words of the title and theme of this chapter. Character-wise I like that she has qualities that are vastly different from Balasar, and I like how she actually feels like a bit of a "main" because she knows Balasar so well. She doesn't feel like she's just there for the sake of being the token woman in the slash story or anything, and I liked that a lot.

Let's see. Oh! The languages. You're doing a really good job with the language aspect on the barriers and those who can speak it well, speak it, and can hardly speak it at all, haha. I thought the adjustment for the men that can hardly speak it, and how they speak sloppily to Daja, was a nice feature. That's something I'm bad at doing in my own fiction, I remember I went to describe that someone had an accent then went, huh, I wonder what that accent would even sound like, and kinda chickened out on making any indicators or markers in the dialogue. Here, I like this route of just breaking the language up. And the barrier or observations that Balasar and Daja are dealing with is also a nice touch. Balasar not being able to speak Daja's language with the same ease a Ismene almost gives Daja a minor power over him that added to the dimension of their relationship.

Enjoyment-wise. Yes! I am relly enjoying that this story is back, haha. I appreciated, I should say, (this is last chapter) the little paragraph you gave that sort of recaps what you've done so far with the story, if anything - I forgot to add this before, I would almost suggest finding more ways to work in little hints about earlier plotting devices just for your readers returning - whether it be on Ch. 10 or even throughout the next few updates. But overall I enjoyed that it was easy for me to jump back into this and find that the characters are right where I left them :) Again, I think because we haven't been in Balasar's POV yet he's coming off a bit more antagonistic than he was in the past, BUT I'm looking forward to seeing whether or not we might switch into him up next or soon - and I enjoy so far the convincing slow build of their relationship throughout these updates as well! (2/3)

I enjoyed your opening here with the dream and the wind description - it was poetic without being overdone, and I find that it becomes a very reoccurring motif within this chapter and the next one. Which makes sense, given the nature of the title, haha. So I could see the connections there. I don't remember if Daja was as in tune with the wind before this point - but it was a very good way to start. Not to mention his connection with the gods and the overarching plot of them not getting him as a sacrifice. After this chapter, I'm actually plot-wise very eager to find out if indeed, the gods do have power in this work and are angered, or if the gods well, don't actually exist.

Speaking of plot though, I think Asseo mentioning that perhaps the gods didn't actually want him as a sacrifice goes a long way in the mystery of what Daja's purpose now is. I liked Asseo's hesitance during that conversation to actually make such a statement, because I think it speaks to how terrifying this entire situation has become for both of them - not only does it shake up their regular lives, but it's also shaking up their entire belief systems. Again, it also does a tremendous job foreshadowing plot and adding the mystery of "what next?" for Daja, now that everything's changed.

The setting here with the village of Qali was super spooky. I've read Ch. 11 having written this review right now, but I remember when I was reading this feeling uneasy about the observations Daja makes in regards to the threshold of the doors. It felt very Biblical, in some sense - but the setting in that regard also did a great job creating foreshadow with what they discover. The descriptions were also clear and well written. I liked the use of "globbled smears" to describe the red over the doorways. Daja's assessment that no one will come to answer the door or to stop them was also quite spooky, haha. But the brute force at the ending here is also a good reflection of how these men (and woman heh) take what they want when they want it.

I remember not thinking Balasar was such a bad guy when we were in his perspective (now years ago, ha) but in this chapter and even in the next, I can't help but feel you're doing a marvelous job keeping him mysterious and kind of "the bad guy" even though the reader knows he isn't super evil or anything. More like he's just doing his job. I liked his interactions with Daja this chapter in regards to the food and asking if he was hungry - then you add him putting Daja to work on top of that and I think it shows I mean, he isn't being incredibly nice or anything, but he's perhaps taking an interest in Daja which I think is essential to go ahead and do at this stage if / when they do end up together. (1/3)

The Tower of Songs is a suitably mythic title for this chapter.

So here is Daja, in his far from ivory tower, both special and, to a modern mind anyway, abused. I love the description of the wind's noise in the opening paragraphs -'scattered breezes cut up like nervous laughter' is especially good - but perhaps there are a few too many metaphors.

Daja's conflict between the idealism of willing sacrifice and the natural desire to live, learn and maybe love is well portrayed. It is a fascinating insight into the notion of pleasing the gods..they want both sexual pleasure and knowledge and culture. You haven't demonised his masters but portrayed them as individuals who show Daja various degrees of kindness or cruelty. Daja feels desire for Ramal but isn't allowed to express it properly. All here is governed by a belief system that is very alien.

The setting of the tower is very poetic - shell, beads, flutes - the whole place is an instrument and you convey this is some beautiful skills Daja learns - gardening, martial arts - add more depth to the setting and culture of the story as well as showing us different aspects to his character.

The final conversation with smitten Asseo (surely he is breaking the rules here?) is poignant as the young man is sensitive enough to want something like consent. Daja has been trained too well to refuse and he likes the boy well enough. The line about 'absolutes imposed on him by outside forces' beautifully sums up his situation.

You have set up his potential to be rescued from his fate and linked this to the metaphor of the wind. Compelling

Great chapter. I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you so very much :)