Reviews for The God Slave (Prev: To Walk in the Wind)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 5/24/2015
Impressive start: you have what I would call a very flowing, very picturesque writing style. Even from your first paragraphs, it’s obvious that you pour a lot of attention and care into your words, because I find your descriptions articulate, unusual and interesting. They also create an atmosphere that is attention-grabbing but not overall detracting from the dialogue. I found myself being drawn into this world you’ve created at once.

I also really like your world-building, and how you’ve set out to tell us about this world: it’s not through a lameass introduction that reads like a history book, but instead you tell the story through dialogue, which is both very natural and infinitely more interesting as a storytelling approach. As a result, I found this to be a very smooth and clever way to flesh out this world/verse, but also a very good way to get the plot rolling.

What can I say about the plot? :D It’s definitely enjoyable and unique so far: I’m definitely intrigued by this ‘Sacrifice’ and how our ‘hero’ will deal with him. I’m intrigued, because I kind of can guess or at least hope that this is going where I think it’s going, and I’m already keen on Balasar. He’s very smart, very cunning, and definitely knows how to play his cards right. He’s also quite cynical, and I’m eager to know how his character unfold further throughout the story.

So – in a nutshell – very enjoyable start, good storytelling, interesting plot. Yes, this review is a lot more formal than my usual endeavours, but I need to start studying for my final on Tuesday.
Kid Darkness chapter 10 . 5/23/2015
Great work on the new chapter! D
cat on moon chapter 10 . 5/22/2015
I thought this was another favorite story that wont get updated ever again. So yay! I hope you plan on finishing :)
Guest chapter 10 . 5/22/2015
Thank you for not giving up on this story!
Allanasha Ke Kiri chapter 9 . 1/3/2015
I love the writing of this chapter, the whole story, actually. The characters seem believable to me, and I love or hate, them all, but in a good way. I know you haven't updated in over a year, but I'm still going to put this into my alerts. I know how real life can get, and I also know that inspiration can return randomly, and I definitely want to know should this one ever breath again _

Guest chapter 8 . 11/13/2013
I love your writing and I labsolutly love this story plz dont abondan it!
Writer 11377 chapter 5 . 8/25/2013
I cried (hard) at Isoba's chapter and then his death. Such good writing there. And no, you are not making Daja a crybaby-in fact I think he is stronger then most given his position. Thank you for these wonderfully complex characters! I hope to see more of them!

Preposterous chapter 1 . 8/5/2013
Interesting start. I love well written fantasies, and this is promising.
estarianne chapter 9 . 7/28/2013
Like the story so far. hope the author keeps working on it!
Unxious Custard chapter 8 . 7/12/2013
It's now midnight and I'm still reading
Unxious Custard chapter 2 . 7/12/2013
Some wonderful thoughts expressed here, and my only comment on the way you have expressed Daja's feelings is to dwell a little longer on the shameful dread. What exactly does he dread - is it the means, the method, the timing or what lies beyond? I warmed to Daja when he panicked over the loss of his shoes. This make him more human to us mortal readers, not born to be sacrificial lambs, and showed also that the depth of his torment was as much mental as it was physical. Some wonderful writing here.

I do hope you will return the review, with one of your own of my story Psychics v Terrorist. It has a very different style, with much more immediacy and tension in the plot line, but I love having a really good writer offer a review, because I learn so much from it.
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 5/15/2013
Nice setting :) It's not everyday you see something so built-up and different. I really liked it!

I also like you descriptions on it, like the first sentences when you mention "a smell of sweat and sand." That was amusing. I feel like I'm tasting the air in that area. The only thing regarding description is that I'd like to see how the characters look like, if you get it.

Explaining the story with dialogue was also a good idea. Sometimes, the story can get boring if everything is explained through narration.

Good work! And congrats on the almost 200 reviews!
GossamerSilverglow chapter 6 . 5/15/2013
You should update...
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 9 . 5/12/2013
Characters: Ah, poor Asseo. T.T I feel so bad for him. Not just because he's getting raped, but because he actually feels like he deserves this treatment. No, Asseo... I don't care what you've done in the past - no one deserves to be treated like this! D: Man, you're breaking my heart, Ani. T.T But at least he got to see Daja at the end there. I think this chapter really shows us the vulnerable feeling Asseo is going through right now, and while it might not push the plot forward, I think it's great characterization and that alone gives it enough reason to be here. Plus now I *really* want to know what's going to happen to Asseo as well. I cared about him last chapter, but I feel like I care about him a lot more now. I think it's because of the guilt he feels toward how he treated Daja in the past.

Dialogue: I really enjoy the conversation between Balasar and Asseo, when Balasar is telling Asseo to leave and hands him a canteen. I think you impart information through dialogue really naturally and organically (like when Asseo is talking about Daja and how he loves him). There's also a lot of emotion in the dialogue, which is great because you don't try to rely on really flowery speaker tags to show the reader what they should already be getting from the dialogue itself. So yeah, your dialogue is very crisp, easy to follow, each character has their own voice, and it's just generally really fun to read. You also has some really nice witticisms from Balasar in there that spice things up, like when Asseo asks how Daja is doing and Balasar says "better than you." Such an asshole, and although it's such an asshole comment and I feel so bad for Asseo i stilled laughed. ._.

Opening: I think you handle the mention of Asseo's rape in the beginning very tastefully. Like the author's note says, you don't go into anything that happened and yet you're still able to get across the magnitude and the transformation an experience like that can force onto another person. I think using that as the opening is really gripping, and I enjoy those beginning paragraphs where I get to sit and reflect on what Asseo's been through. I think it helps build up the sympathy I feel for him so that when I finally get to the part where he admits his guilt (for "raping" Daja in the past) I feel sorry for him instead of like, "Yeah, how does it feel?" because it reminds me just how horrible rape can be. I'm wondering if this experience will effect him in the future as well, or if it's something he'll be able to successfully suppress.

Enjoyment: Although there really isn't any action in these past three chapters, I think you still do a great job keeping my attention and keeping me entertained. It's definitely a mixture of the prose and the dialogue/character interactions. You do a great job making your character interactions interesting and gripping enough that I actually *care* to see what's going to happen to them next, which is really important. So yeah, usually it takes like blood and violence and a lot of raunchy humor to keep my attention, but you do it so easily with your conversations and character development. I've really enjoyed these past few chapters because I get to see more into the heads of the main characters, which is really important, because I feel like the build-up is necessary to help me believe any dramatic choices any of them might make in the near future. It really helps establish broaden and strengthen my borders of belief and acceptance for your character's choices.

Now that I'm all caught up, I hope you update soon! :)
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 8 . 5/12/2013
Beginning: I think it's really cool how you handle Daja being knocked out and going in and out of consciousness. I have a scene pretty soon that I'm going to write where Eric goes through the same thing, so reading this is giving me all sorts of ideas, and it's really nice to see how another writer handles it. It's always so hard to write when a character is blind-folded, I think, because as a writer (and reader) we rely so much on sight. But the way you handle the sense of touch and smell really helps fill in what we can't see, and I think it's a daring choice for you to tell this scene from Daja's perspective. I think this makes it all the more powerful, though, because Daja is obviously hurt and in a very fragile state. I like seeing how he thinks and his thoughts on death, and what exactly he thinks has happened to him as he slowly comes back to the world.

Theme: I think this conversation near the beginning of this chapter brings up a great point about your theme. Up until now Balasar has been slightly mysterious in his motivations as to why he resents the gods so much. For awhile I thought maybe something bad happened in his past as a result of religion or whatever, but now I see it's more centered inward (at least, that's what I gather from the information I know about him so far). I really like Balasar's attitude in the whole "you're the only person you can count on" because I really agree with him. I also hadn't yet thought to look at what Daja was doing - sacrificing himself so the gods don't destroy the world - as possibly nihilistic. But after what Balasar said to him, I can totally see it being thought of in such a way. It's pretty true...the way Daja thinks his death will save the world makes him sound like a type of nutty martyr, haha.

Technique: This is probably more about the writing, but I really enjoy this technique you have of bringing the setting into your descriptions and metaphors. Like when Daja's throat is parched, you use a lot of desert-like description, like dry, sandy, scratchy - everything I think of when I think of the desert. And then again at the end you mention the clouds holding their breath like they're about to scream - that's just such a beautiful line to end on. Again, you address the setting and use that description to create some wonderful tension. Although the plot and actions at the end of this chapter don't end in a cliff-hanger, that final line does a great job of making me want to keep reading.

Relationships: I'm glad we get some more interaction between Balasar and his men in this chapter. I think the way some of them differ in how they view Balasar's treatment of Asseo really says a lot about them. I really like that they're arguing over the cruelty of Asseo's fate - I think it shows that while they might be mercenaries or bandits, they're still people with opinions and consciences. I also like the interaction between Balasar and Daja in the beginning of this chapter. It's an interesting interaction, because it starts with Balasar helping Daja and giving him water, then it sort of transforms into this argument between them where Balasar turns more into an enemy than a friend. It'll be interesting to see how the relationship between the two of them unfolds. Even without that great ending tensions at the end of this chapter, I'd still want to read just to see that.
298 | « Prev Page 1 .. 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 17 .. Last Next »