|Reviews for Ethereal|
| MissWarriorAngel chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
hey, you're good! bacon? seriously? interesting! i want to read more, updtae plz!
| Flabbergasted Flock chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Nice suspense you created, with loads of mystery Some minor mistakes involving phrasing, but quite good overall :]
[At first, through human eyes it looked like an ordinary wall of bricks, but then I saw it had a small marking on one of the uppermost bricks, WHILE USING MY EYES. Even when I thought that, it made no sense whatsoever.]
Well, I wasn't aware you could see with other parts of your body :P so the 'while using my eyes' bit is a little redundant and could be deleted. The second sentence, 'Even when I thought that, it made no sense whatsoever', just seemed sort of awkward, given the phrasing and such.
[I nervously stepped through into the black, cold darkness, and down the deep musty hallway, I crept through softly.]
What other colours can darkness be? There's no problem with the adjective black being there though, but the sentence could be better by paraphrasing it a little, like "I stepped into cold, black darkness and crept down the deep musty hallway softly."
| Sarah1324 chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
All I can say is wow. You are a very talented writer. That was a really good first chapter. I can already tell this is going to be a great story. I cannot wait to see what happens next. (Bacon sounds really good right now.)
| Lidi Millegar chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
You are doing awesome! Post soon because I really want to know where this baby is goin'!
| Meghan Hunt chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
Wow that is really awesome!