|Reviews for The Asylum|
| LovelySocks chapter 2 . 11/28/2012
Ooh! And the mystery thickens...
It's a bit confusing, what with the many characters, random guy named Alex, and the creepiest doctor ever to roam the FictionPress site. But hey, what else can a story called "The Asylum" be but confusing?
I like how you showed contrast in Melissa's and Nina's personalities by making them disapprove of the other's behavior. It made them different.
Maybe Jason's little section should be either at the beginning or the end. Melissa and Nina are talking about the same scene at first, so I think they should be right next to each other, and I find Jason's section placement kind of random.
Nice job on the dialogue. It flows pretty naturally and has a nice, creepy ring to it. Everything adds to the tone. Brilliance.
Great job, pal. (I lost the game :D)
| Electric Innocence chapter 3 . 11/21/2012
Daniel, Melissa, and Lauren are also intriguing me now. Why does Lauren still think Alex is real despite everyone else not? And Melissa seems very plain so far, but that also keeps me interested in her. And Daniel- well it's certainly hard to describe him. I have too many questions about that boy, all of which are likely to be answered at some point in this story.
| Electric Innocence chapter 2 . 11/21/2012
I spotted a few mistakes this chapter, but nothing big that couldn't be cleared by reading over your chapters a few times. I think I like Selena and Jason, they seem to be the most interesting characters so far, and Lauren makes me wonder if Alex is evil, cruel, a demon, I don't even know. Amazing, I can't wait to see what happens when Jason visits with his sister.
| Electric Innocence chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
I've been on FanFiction forever, but this is the first story I've read on FictionPress- and I'm glad it is! I can easily see myself reading this book in the stores. I only found a minor problem with it being rushed at the beginning, but everything else- wow. So mysterious, and beautifully written. I'm hooked and it's only the first chapter! I'll review the next two as well. I really enjoy this.
| RBFOXTROT chapter 3 . 11/21/2012
still as awesome as ever keep it up!
| RBFOXTROT chapter 2 . 11/5/2012
| Water Balloon chapter 2 . 11/4/2012
Heh heh. Nina.
Okay but anyway... Very interesting. I love how Daniel was introduced because there is actually some connection between him and Nina. And I really want to read more! So write ;)
| Water Balloon chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
Oh. My. Gosh.
This is like... I DON'T EVEN KNOW! You really pulled all of the characters together and it left me hanging on every word, especially towards the end with Jason! And the last dialogue was simply a cliff hanger.
I found only a few grammatical errors that I'm sure were just typos.
Now please continue! PLEEEEAAASSSEE!
| RBFOXTROT chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
really good for a first fic can you llok at mine as well because i only just started and review