|Reviews for Chains|
| meowmie chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
This confused me very much. First,decide if you want to write in first person POV or third person POV.
Second,you can't just throw your readers right into the climax of the story. It's like putting an unexperienced,untrained singer on a grand stage. I suggest planning out your story thoroughly before sitting down to write. And building up tension and suspense before the climax of the story will help readers understand and enjoy the story more. It's like giving us candy before the big dessert or something.
Third,yep...like the other reviewer said,give the readers a reason to care about the girl.
Fourth,I found some of your descriptions good but overall,this wasn't good enough.
Fifth,spell-check your story. Some readers are really particular and fussy about this. Checking your spelling will help in gaining more readers,not lose them.
I hope this will help you improve,not put you down.I'm just giving you constructive criticism. :) Afterall,I'm a writer like you.
| Kurthulhu chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
This is pretty graphic, which I do not mind personally... The whole "tortureporn" is a little over done, in my opinion, though...
It seems to need some context. The girl is just some girl in a basement in a very bad situation, and the guy is just some guy witha knife and bad teeth... I am sure if you were to pad this out a bit more, and give the reader a reason to care for the girl. How did she get there? Does she know this guy... she seems to know that she doesn't love him. Who is he?
Another small thing... In her terrifying situation, the girl seems to have enough of her wits about her to decide what hurts worse. Seems like she would be a little more disorientated.
Keep it up, though!
| Blargh1234 chapter 1 . 11/3/2012