|Reviews for Almost|
| Oria Giora chapter 1 . 1/5/2013
[Self pity] - self-pity
[Simple brown eyes-simple straight black hair.], [Her sparkle, her light] - Fragments
[If it was anything else, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.] - Conditional tense, "were", not was
[This man and her were very different when it came to those kinds of things.] - "she", not her
There are also a lot of unnecessary words.
I like the suspension and the vagueness at the front about Angeline and Candence. If one doesn't read on, they would be confused right from the start. Oh, and this [And bit I did, taking a bit more blood than usual.] is quite a surprise. Candence is a vampire. I think you interpreted the quote well, showing the insecurity and doubtful feelings of Candence. However, I don't see how the story orientates around the colour blue. There's only reference to the colour at the start and at the end. The middle connection is missing. [ For her, she didn't see red in me, in her eyes, there was no blood on my hands.] - this, it showed as though as Zephyr saw the red in Candence, but it wasn't mention at all in the story. Also, the story lacks engagement. I think you could describe more of Candence's red throughout the story and a bit more of the relationship between Angeline and Candence.