Reviews for Sweet Innocence
myheart4you chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
This is really interesting... I like the way you write, especially at the beginning of this chapter. It seems kind of haunting, somehow. I also think this story is a really good idea.
But. (There is always a but), some of your sentences are kind of choppy, so try to make them flow better.
Also, try to stay in past tense. You kept saying things in present tense when most o your story is in past. I know that some things are a bit difficult to word in present tense, but try your best (for example, instead of saying "today" say "that day", so it will stay in past tense.
Also, I think parts of this were unrealistic. I liked when the guy first showed up, but they got too close, too fast. And the parts where Aria's friend was talking to that guy were kind of unrealistic also.
I really did like this, though :)