|Reviews for Wingless Bird|
| Moonvibe chapter 26 . 2/28
This was a solemn chapter for the members of the Phoenix. The tally of their losses and the uncertainty of the group's future has brought a devastating blow to the order. The U.O seems to have the upper hand for sure now, and with the coming city council meeting it appears they will attempt to deal a crushing blow to their arch rivals in Duson City.
The dreary, hopeless mood surrounding the Phoenix was stunted a bit by Adrian's appearance. His revelation of Moray's family was a stunner, and the gifts of a new and improved cloak seemed like a gesture of good faith on his behalf. If the Phoenix is to have any success against an organization like the U.O which has vastly more resources then they are going to need an inside ally with Adrian's credentials.
Ugata seems to already be rebuilding the Phoenix simply by making his leadership known. He does possess strong leadership qualities which are shown through his exchanges with Anton and the way in which he handled Adrian. Decisions have to be made and he seems to weigh them carefully and wisely.
Seeing Anton's ravaged home on the way back to Cherry Circle made it clear it seems that Anton truly has no home to return to. I'm sure the coming events at the city council meeting will play heavily in deciding not only the future of the Phoenix, but also Anton's role within the order.
A somber ending was fitting for such a gloomy chapter, and I'm sure when Issac learns the truth about Moray it will be even more impactful for him.
| Veronica Fay chapter 2 . 2/27
Hi! This was good! I like how you portrayed the homeless man. I really felt for him and it was nice when the other man was kind to him. The phoenix connection was really good in this prologue!
| Veronica Fay chapter 1 . 2/26
Wow. This was a really great and unique way to start a story! I decided to check out this story of yours while i want for an update for Paper Wings. This looks really interesting!
| Moonvibe chapter 25 . 2/17
Another exhilarating chapter! I'm so glad you churned this one out because I was still on the edge of my seat from the last one. Wow, I mean where do I begin?
Adrian's betrayal was a much needed twist for the sake of The Phoenix. It would appear certain members of the U.O may be disillusioned by the U.O's current moves and have their own agendas. His risk was no small one, going against Fynne and tricking the Night Hawk could put him in a very undesirable position if caught. The guy's got brains and guts for sure, and his actions saved Anton and the others twice by the narrowest of margins, making for a truly suspenseful read.
The issue of trust was played out well between Adrian and Ugata, and once again Anton's thoughts and fears anchored the story with the perspective of someone who is having to become more than he is in order to survive. I found the opposing philosophies of co-existence between the U.O and The Phoenix to be very interesting food for thought too.
The descriptions of Anton's physical exhaustion were brilliant, and his perceptions of Ugata and Moray really helped to shape those characters further. I thought some of Ugata's leadership qualities shone through his actions very clearly in this chapter, like when he tested the trust of Adrian and took the daggar from Anton. And Moray showed that he wouldn't go down without a fight, despite the odds.
The action scenes with the Night Hawk were intense and fantastically visual. You've done an excellent job of developing his character within the fast paced pursuit of these last two chapters. Like all great villains, he's absolutely mesmerizing when involved in the events transpiring. His mere presence causes fear and dread to radiate off his would-be prey, (even when they outnumber him) and his cold resolve to accomplish his mission is matched only by the thrill of the hunt that ensures he won't fail or give up. He's ruthless and professional. One thing I really like too is though his reputation would make him seem invulnerable, you've shown that he isn't necessarily invincible, just pretty much better than anybody and everybody at doing what he does. It would seem to that he's obedient to Fynne, since he didn't question the orders to release The Phoenix which he thought were coming from her.
The daring rescue by The Phoenix to save Ugata, Jason, and Rosalie has come at a price with Anton, Ada, and Rosalie suffering from injuries, and Brynn's fate still in question; but with their true leader back at the helm and a possible ally in Adrian to exploit later if needed, they might have gained a valuable foothold in what is surely an uphill battle against the U.O.
And two traitors were killed!? Whoa! Brynn and who else? What a great cliffy!
This story continues to thrill with unexpected twists, compelling characters, amazing action sequences, and a well crafted, intricate plot that keeps me on my toes. Great work!
| Moonvibe chapter 24 . 2/14
Oh man, this chapter was amazing! Whew, I've gotta steady my breathing after all that heart-pounding action!
The exchange between J. Carlos and the Night Hawk served really well to give not only a glimpse into those two characters, but also into what the U.O is up to outside of Duson City. Great way to add layers to the story while establishing the formidable reputation of the Night Hawk. J. Carlos' overconfidence was on full display too when he wasn't too concerned about having intruders roaming the building.
When Jason was sprung from the cell his spirited, cheeky behavior proved that though he had been beaten, he was not broken. The colorful exchange between him and Moray was a lot of fun.
The action-packed encounter with the dreaded Night Hawk was nothing short of awesomeness! No doubt he is one bad dude, and I love the steely confidence that lurks just beneath his casual demeanor. He's cold, calculating, and ruthless; and in less than the blink of an eye he's a highly skilled specialist who seems to live for the moments when he can unleash himself upon his prey.
The fight scenes were breathtakingly good and so very exciting! The chase afterward was every bit as gripping too. Every scene was depicted so visually. When the Night Hawk took to the high ceilings to pursue his prey I just knew the scrambling members of The Phoenix were toast, but it seems as if Moray really came through for them in this chapter and his knowledge of the building led them out of harm's way, for the moment.
Poor Ada and it doesn't look good for Brynn. That was a real shocker. Even if he's not dead he's certainly disabled and at the mercy of the U.O now.
I thought Anton's fear and reactions throughout this chapter were very realistic. I especially liked the part where he wanted the safety and comfort of the blankets on his bed. Well done.
What a suspenseful and surprising ending. With Anton and the others huddled together in hopes of somehow avoiding the Night Hawk long enough to make an escape, they still have to find Rosalie and get Ugata to freedom so he can restore The Phoenix order back to a state where it can oppose the tyranny of the U.O. They're trapped behind enemy lines with the most feared agent of their enemy hot on their tails. And then Issac walks in! I did NOT see that coming! Excellent chapter and I can't wait to see what happens next.
| Moonvibe chapter 23 . 2/13
Enter the Night Hawk! This was a very exciting chapter!
Brynn's personality disorder was on brilliant display as he basically took command of the mission with unwavering confidence, and the change to his personality proved to be invaluable to the cause of The Phoenix.
I like how Anton was able to draw strength by thinking of the others involved with him. If he can't be brave for himself, at least he can for the other members of his team who are risking just as much as him. Maybe that's where his strength has been all along, and he certainly handled himself fairly well considering he was a total bag of nerves. And perhaps the first signs of his friendship with Ada being on the mend really bolstered him too.
The revealing conversation about Brynn with the female guard was quite telling, and really filled in some blanks surrounding Brynn's credibility while raising a few new questions about his prior involvement with the U.O. The fact that Anton was having doubts about Brynn's affiliation really showed just how convincing Brynn can be when the situation calls for it. I thought the whole encounter with the guard was very suspenseful. I really didn't know if they were going to get in or be exposed. It had me holding my breath.
The teases leading up the first encounter with the Night Hawk were thrilling! Being watched from above and Anton catching a fleeting glimpse of a figure on the roof really worked to create a growing sense of intrigue around the highly regarded and feared agent of the U.O. And that first glimpse of the Night Hawk was very cool, and well described. The air of a supremely confident and capable professional surrounded him with just enough iciness to let you know he's lethal when he chooses to be.
The tension is high with members of The Phoenix having infiltrated the U.O and meeting up with a questionable ally in Moray as they attempt a rescue with the U.O's most feared agent wandering the building. And it sounds like Rosalie's time is running out, which simply takes the pressure of the mission to new heights.
Ugata's visions add a mystical quality that's almost prophetic. I really like how that stirs hope around Ugata and the cause of The Phoenix.
Fantastic descriptions of a desolate and crumbling Grand Taver, and just great visual writing all around. Again, I really enjoyed the side of Brynn that this chapter showed, and the plot is shaping up nicely around the characters and their purposes. Awesome story!
| Moonvibe chapter 22 . 2/4
I'm not sure what you're aiming for with Ugata, but I see him as resourceful, wise, and unyielding. Those traits aren't exactly telling of his personality, but considering the relatively small amount of interaction with him thus far in the story, his personality hasn't really had room to shine. The last couple of segments with Ugata and Adam have been very compelling since they've offered a genuine glimpse of Ugata apart from his captors, which has allowed tiny bits of Ugata's personality to surface. Just my opinion of course.
The frustration is really building for Aquilla now. So much is riding on his next move as leader of The Phoenix, and with only a handful of rookies he's got plenty to be concerned about. Though Ada does seem to be a natural who has good instincts, but she's still lacking in experience. Still, it sounds like things are about to get even more serious real soon for Anton and the rest.
And poor Anton seems to be doing all he can to keep himself from unraveling under the stark reality of his current situation. At least Isaac is there to give him at least a little boost of confidence, after almost killing him with training though. lol
I'm still wary of trusting Moray, though he has divulged a lot of crucial information to Ugata. Double agents always make me nervous. And it seems Adam has been a handful to his captors. Beatings and sedatives in his food are serious testaments to his spunk.
The training session was great. The descriptions of weapons, moves, and counters were very well done. The whole scenario with Isaac barking commands and Anton and Ada reacting was terrific. Now that Anton is paired with Ada, and his failures become hers too, it will be interesting to see if he can kick his training up a notch or two. if not for his own sake then maybe for hers.
Overall, great visual writing with excellent character-building insight given through thoughts and emotions. The plot is definitely thickening, and now every single character seems to have something at stake. Nicely done.
| Moonvibe chapter 21 . 2/1
Guess I'm gonna have to sit in the corner with a pointy dunce cap on because I'm clueless on the hidden meanings and jokes :( Never have been good with riddles and the like...
I am highly intrigued by this Night Hawk character though. He seems dreadful, for all the right reasons ;)
| QuietWriter1994 chapter 20 . 1/25
Hmm, I would like to see how this story ends. I like your character named Anton can't wait for the next chapter tho!
| JWT chapter 2 . 1/24
"...covered by thin fabric that had once resembled a shirt" - I particularly liked this description, and the descriptions of his hunger. Very nicely done.
"..that was illegal to for any man use..." - I think you meant "for any man to use"
"...thirty and twenty year old couples..." - This sounds a little bit odd, because he is guessing at ages but the way you have phrased it sounds like they are either exactly twenty or exactly thirty. Perhaps you might want to change it to "twenty to thirty year old".
The little section of him being hit with the can, falling and running away is wonderfully written.
You're really good at dropping little hints about his situation and the world, with the clues about people getting round the laws and using cars, how defensive he is over his food and his lack of language. His stress and desperation is coming across very well.
This is a very interesting opening and I noticed few mistakes. You're starting to build up a dark but intriguing world and I'd like to see where this story goes. Good luck and keep writing! :)
| Moonvibe chapter 20 . 1/23
Another fantastic installment!
Btw, Fynne is a marvelous name for the villainous head of the U.O. As always I'm blown away by the depth of emotions you pour out through your characters, layering them so realistically with fears, regrets, doubts, hopes, insecurities, and so much more. Just really impressive character development.
I thought it was very clever the way you used Brynn's personality disorder to explore his character further, perhaps making an opening for his assistance later in the story.
And Adam's failed escape was thrilling, but dashed all my hopes of him fleeing back to The Phoenix with valuable intel. The Phoenix is like a battered ship without a rudder at the moment, and the order desperately needs some wind in their sails.
That was a very telling exchange between Anton and Issac. I'm glad to see that one of Phoenix's top agents is on the mend, and he seemed to bond well with Anton, which can only prove beneficial to Anton in the future. Issac is far more attentive than his reserved demeanor would indicate. He has a pretty good read on everyone, and maybe his words to Anton will provide a little necessary motivation.
And what an ending! What in the world could that mad inventor have in store for poor Rosalie? And this Night Hawk fella must be one bad dude. The Phoenix is in no condition to handle a surprise attack from such a feared and dreaded agent of the U.O. And Moray, could this guy be working multiple angles? He seems to be conflicted concerning his allegiance to the U.O, and I have to wonder what lengths he will go to in order to please his new masters.
Same old praise I know, but terrific storytelling and great visual writing :) From characters, to settings, to plot this story just rocks!
| Moonvibe chapter 19 . 1/8
Oh man, the first part of this chapter is so intense. Rosalie's gone missing and foul play on the U.O's part is suspected, and Anton is reeling inwardly from his perceived failures only to have Ada deliver him a crushing blow about his self-worth in an angry tirade as she is filled with guilt and concern over her little sister's disappearance. Great drama!
And this line was summed up Ada perfectly at this point in the story I thought: 'With the sun gleaming off her clothes and hair, she really did look like a goddess. The goddess of loss and sorrow, and everything stubbornly loyal.
I really love that line! It's both beautiful and poignant.
Jason's infiltration of the U.O was so exciting! I like how his methods erred slightly on the side of caution without his comrades around, and the issues with the cloak's shortcomings were very well illustrated too. Being discovered by the cloaks inventor (another 'A' named character I see ;) in such a casual manner was a clever surprise, and the grappling that ensued with the guard just before Jason faded out was really well done. The action was very visual and thrilling.
Anton's parents are missing and their house is wrecked?! Not good, not good at all.
I was rooting for Jason to escape from that familiar cell with a desperate sense of urgency, and when he finally worked the bar loose I was like: 'Yes!' So much is now at stake and seemingly depends on him. Ugata's fate, Rosalie's fate, Jason's fate, and the fate of Anton and Ada's friendship is left hanging in the balance at the end of this chapter.
Fantastic storytelling, and as usual your style of writing makes it all so much fun!
| inkfngrz chapter 3 . 1/7
Uh-oh, he's so totally in trouble. Like seriously in trouble...
| Moonvibe chapter 18 . 1/6
Oh man, what a chapter! That ending was fantastic! It hints at so much more to come.
I'm glad that Anton and Ada were reunited, and that Anton finally found his courage. It seems the cause of The Phoenix, along with coming to know its members, stirred something within Anton that might prove to be a great hindrance to the U.O.
Thankfully it seems Isaac may pull through, and the donut scene was a fun, light moment to balance out the dire opening of the chapter. Anton and Ada certainly needed a moment with friendly jabs at one another to ease the tension of recent events. And Adam's sense of humor is so much fun. He must be a blast to write.
Aquilla has potential to be a revered leader I think. He certainly cares for those he leads, and if he can rally behind his own conviction in the purpose of The Phoenix then I feel he can become a great leader.
The explanations about Rosalie and Brynn's conditions helped a lot in better understanding those characters. It was also good to see Ada get all that unfortunate stuff about her abusive parents off her chest too. It would appear The Phoenix now has a strong core group, one that has perhaps been brought closer together by Moray's betrayal, and the ever present threat of the U.O which hangs ominously over Duson City.
Finally getting to meet Fynne was an unexpected thrill, and thankfully Ugata's beaten and exhausted body doesn't reflect the state of his iron-clad resolve, which may have received a much needed bolster from his vision. That whole last segment with Ugata and Fynne was so well depicted.
This whole story has been an absolute blast to read. With strong character development, a masterfully devised plot, fun and engaging dialogue, compelling drama and visual writing that puts you right there with Anton and Ada every step of the way, reading this has been a truly immersive experience that proves why creative fiction is so awesome! It's easy to be dedicated to a tale like this ;)
| Moonvibe chapter 17 . 1/5
So Moray really is a turncoat, and after the terrible acts he committed in this chapter I fear there's no going back for him. He is definitely an ally turned enemy. At least he changed sides because of the ideals he believed in and not for some shallow reason like greed, though he's still a traitor nonetheless :(
Aquilla's revelation about the rise of the U.O and how the Phoenix order came to be was very well crafted. I was riveted to the whole story as it unfolded. No doubt the U.O is a very crafty and shady organization holding a few aces up their sleeve, and now for the first time Anton has a clear picture of what he's been forced into the middle of. And it seems he will now have a choice in the matter just as the fate of the Phoenix order hangs in the balance. Very gripping stuff.
The ending of this chapter was simply exhilarating. You do thrilling drama very well. Moray's deceitfulness has crippled the Phoenix. His knowledge of the order is obviously a valuable asset to the U.O, and they're wasting no time in putting him to use. First an attempt on Aquilla's life, and now a scuffle with Isaac that has left one of the elite members of the Phoenix down and possibly out for good.
I only hope that since Ada is rushing to warn the others that she and Rosalie are unharmed. Excellent storytelling and just great visual writing, as always!