|Reviews for Nights|
| Persevera chapter 2 . 11/24/2012
This is a good story so far. The surprise of the woman being the threat and not the man stalking her was a nice twist.
"Good old Gabe,"-the archangel Gabriel?
[He was stalking her. This guy on the bus she was riding in]
[She can spot the inner beauty. And the beast in all]
[You three are my last stop." The driver said in his husky voice.]-three examples of sentence fragments which would be better off incorporated into the previous sentences. It's not often that a fragment makes much of an impact. Usually. it just disrupts the flow for the reader.
I hope that at some point you describe at least one girl or woman positively.
[Oh hell no." The vampires said as she looked at the barrel of her doom-vampire should be singular.
[This child is to make our master bleed.]-Good line.
| FollowingButterflies chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
This isn't really my kind of fiction but it seems good so far. There are a few grammatical errors but nothing huge. Look forward to reading more.
| Persevera chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
Monica Fay is a great name for a town.
From your summary: [One who possess special blood. One who may or may not be the salvation of all.]-The word would be possesses and your next sentence is a fragment. You might want to connect the two with a dash instead. It's important for your summary to be correct. It will attract more readers if it seems to be carefully written.
I see a lot of SPAG so I won't detail it and just concentrate on the story.
Instead of repeatedly calling the Lunar Sisters "the two", change it up with the twins or even they or them.
[green lily pad eyes]-I like this phrase
Since you didn't have the jocks and cheerleaders do anything but insult as they drove by, don't think it was necessary to give names and descriptions here. Wait until they do something more. Of course you'd have to mention Nicole because she's already making a contribution, so to speak.
The ending was tense. I can see what you meant about injecting a little unexpected humor because when I first read the demon's message, I thought it was saying something about sinus. I knew that wasn't correct but it was fun anyway.
The Ouija board actually bursting into flames showed that the contact wasn't open for interpretation. Something had really happened.
| DarkShadowOfTheMidnightFox chapter 2 . 11/16/2012
Well, there are some spelling errors I noticed. I don't know if there's something else that is wrong in here, but keep up the goodwork!
| DarkShadowOfTheMidnightFox chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
Lol, I saw a Matrix reference xD