|Reviews for Destructive Jinx O2|
| cmaej chapter 7 . 8/25/2013
It's official... Retto is my fav.
I had a character named Yuri, only because I had no idea what it meant until later. I wonder if Yuji will ever meet her.
| cmaej chapter 6 . 8/25/2013
I had no idea that much time progressed. I feel like I missed out on something important. Having a chapter where Yuji is teaching her how to be a human would had be a good character-developing too. That way, their relationship wouldn't feel sudden.
| cmaej chapter 4 . 8/25/2013
Alice is not allowed to see her mother...
She believes in God...
Could it be that Alice's mother was/is a human and she is actually half-human?
Retto is getting cooler by the second. I'm glad he can hold is own in a fight in spite of his quirks.
| cmaej chapter 5 . 8/25/2013
A lot happens in this chapter, and is a bit jarring for me. I understand that you are attempting the anime style, where fight scenes occur at the same time.
I see more one-sided love coming from Oswald, but the women in this universe don't pay attention to them. Maybe they should learn from Retto and just join them.
| cmaej chapter 3 . 8/24/2013
Alice is only the fourth highest? Sounds like we will be meeting more badass demons later. Or maybe I've already met them... Cedric and his sister?
LOL, Yuji is a yuri fan. That's cool. I have a character who is a yaoi fan.
| cmaej chapter 2 . 8/24/2013
Swearing chalk piece and troll-faced sun?
Retto is in the running for my favorite character. The poor guy just wants to be accepted. Apparently, he likes girls as much as the next guy, but also likes to borrow their clothes.
| cmaej chapter 1 . 8/24/2013
"Genji! How dare you make the princess of hell, Alice, wait! Shall I have you killed with the Cold Fire? "
Omitting "the princess of hell" from the above dialogue would give Alice a more dramatic introduction. It's just my personal opinion, but I think that waiting to reveal that the moe girl is actually the daughter of the devil until that very last paragraph would be a better approach.
Poor Genji. The first chapter, and already, we have one-sided love.
| Lord Slayer chapter 7 . 8/22/2013
I...I don't know what to say, except that I don't see what any of this has to do with anything. The first and last scenes are the only ones that are obviously connected with the stuff from previous chapters, and the flash back stuff with Retto would be good for building his character if he hadn't been one of the myriad bit characters that we've been introduced to over the last six chapters and prologue. As for the rest of the chapter it just looks like expository about stuff that isn't relevant yet. The biggest problem with the story so far is that you're trying to rush the plot too much. You need to slow down, give us readers a chance to catch our breath and get to know the main characters first before you start throwing in more or talking about the lore. We need something to focus on and care about, not this hodgepodge of events.
| Lord Slayer chapter 6 . 8/22/2013
So...the angels(?) Alice live because they had two months to do get it done, even though they could do it right now? Pride of the Lord's army, those two. -_-;
I'm not really seeing how Yuji has shown Alice how to be human, since they haven't spent very much time together on screen at all. The most that stands out per their interactions is him watching Alice butchering bullies right in front of him, then demanding that he let her stay at his place. I'm...kinda confused.
| Lord Slayer chapter 5 . 8/22/2013
These really short scenes are really hurting the flow of the piece. I can't focus on any one thing because you keep whipping back and forth between things, not only making it hard to follow. You need to focus on a couple of characters a chapter. No more than three for pieces with really long chapters, but as short as these are I'd think that two is pushing it. I don't really know anything more about these characters now than when I started, and Alice seems like the only one with much personality.
| Lord Slayer chapter 4 . 8/22/2013
"Fake crocodile tears," is redundant. Though I'm not sure why they should be crocodile tears at all if he's freaking out because his secret has been revealed. Although, now that I think about it, simply being a fan of a certain manga doesn't make you an otaku either, and people finding out that he likes a title or two wouldn't reveal to the world that he is one, although I agree that his taste in manga (it being what it is) being made public would be more problematic. Kise's reaction, however, definitely would reveal that. Or maybe I'm just being nit-picky.
Your action scenes are a little wordy. Try to tighten it up and use as few words as possible. A good thesaurus is also handy for finding good, dynamic verbs. "Thrusting the energy sphere into his back," "his body crashed through the wall, debris cascading all around," stuff like that. Action scenes are also where you need to be the most careful about redundancy, since that will slow the scene down even more. We don't need to be reminded that the energy ball is blue.
| Lord Slayer chapter 3 . 8/22/2013
A glimpse of plot at Shiva 350, though I would like to know what makes it such a beautiful galaxy compared to all of the others.
| Lord Slayer chapter 2 . 8/21/2013
Could you say "cute" just a little more often? j/k
But seriously, just saying something is cute doesn't really tell us much since the word means something for different people. If you told us what makes Jinx cute, or that she thought the ribbon she was wearing was cute, then you'd be giving us solid information about the character.
I feel a bit lost, like there's information that I should already know. Is this a sequel to something?
| xxxyx chapter 4 . 8/21/2013
Scene 1: So both Alice and the Jinx sisters are looking for a seer. Interesting. 'She knew that God existed, and in fact she wanted to ask him a few things.' - in this context, I'm really amused by this line. Not sure why.
Scene 2: "Problem officer" sun. Wow. Very visual.
Scene 3: Life changing explosion!
Scene 4: '...did not notice the giant a sword...' Uh typo. That fight is kinda... I dunno. But the dialogue could be more interesting. Maybe it was my fault for expecting a humorous fight, uh, never mind.
Scene 5: You-say-you're-my-girlfriend-but-who-are-you?
| xxxyx chapter 3 . 8/21/2013
Scene 1: October 24th? So a week to Halloween. I see. I'm expecting something big to happen on Halloween, right? And lol, you don't usually describe someone as 'very clever', maybe not when it is not demonstrated yet.
Scene 2: Ah, special FX: time slows down for protagonist thought... I want dis. 'Whatever came his way, whether it be demons or magic, or cute girls murdering people he would deal with it. No use in wondering why he was in a fantasy like situation.' - :D
Scene 3: Nothing left from the universe but a galaxy, nothing left from the galaxy but for a tower and two humans? Must be a 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999% scale destruction. I wonder how this relates to Alice's storyline.
Scene 4: Uh... O.O