|Reviews for Ahara of Llowden|
| Jesse the Storyteller chapter 2 . 1/15/2013
"not that it was hard to have an advantage when you had 400 people on flying muscle with claws hurtling through the sky" Hahaha I loved this line. :P I laughed.
"Somehow to holding of this information had become necessary to her brain function." What? This sentence doesn't make any sense..
"making Ahara marveled at her once again" should just be marvel, not marveled.
I'm glad we got to hear a little bit of Ahara's story, and more of Claudia's. I really like this and hope you update soon! :D
| Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 1/15/2013
This is really interesting! I don't see many stories about griffins. I'm confused about the size of them, though? She holds them in her lap and they can snuggle up to her by a fire but they can also be ridden?
A lot of tpyos in here, though. Like here: "She's just not in as good mood tonight" I think you forgot some words. A lot of words are off by a letter in places.
"and Ahara immediately felt worse than she had ever felt about anything (except maybe the events of that morning)" this was the weakest sentence in the entire chapter. It is really well-written over all, a lot better than much of what you see on this site, but then this sentence with its big exaggeration (did she REALLY feel worse about this than she's felt about ANYTHING? EVER? she must not do much in her life then...) was jarring, and I was suddenly not in the story anymore because ouch. :P
" and she punished me. I can't really blame him" ... is it a she or a he?
If you say "the older woman was strong featured" at the beginning of the paragraph, you don't need to say "She looked older than the young knight" later.
I really like this beginning. Their relationship is subtle and natural and I want to learn more about them, especially Ahara, since I feel like much of this chapter was on Claudia. I'm really interested in your world... why are they fighting? what kind of a place is this? :) Great beginning! I can't wait to read more!
| earthserpent chapter 5 . 12/18/2012
aw great story. keep up the good work.
| earthserpen chapter 4 . 11/24/2012
:D yay lovely chapter. keep going. :)
| Yumko Yummy chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
:D aw that was awesome. please update soon. :)
| earthserpent chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
:D aw this is great. i'll be back to subscribe. i hope you have more chapters by then. :)