|Reviews for Timeless|
| Binkybaby chapter 3 . 1/2/2013
| teapotdragon chapter 3 . 11/14/2012
This chapter should have been chapter two. Prolonging the mystery of who the royal family are and what they are like would have made this much more enjoyable. Analeigh's voice is much better than William's.
There are a few details that bugged me and made it difficult to focus on the story itself.
Five minutes from town is too close. I have to walk twenty just to get to class from my dorm room. I think a fifteen minute walk would make more sense.
Personally, I would edit out every single exclamation mark you used in this story. Your syntax and word choice already convey a sense of urgency at the appropriate points. The exclamation marks look unprofessional and you used 17 exclamation marks in this chapter, at most there should be like one.
| teapotdragon chapter 2 . 11/14/2012
The part where you introduced the concept of no girls in the land having black hair was really interesting, but overall I think this chapter had a lot of unnecessary dialogue. William's voice isn't interesting enough to justify switching to a first person narrative in his pov for so long. I think I learned to much about William to quickly. His mother seems like a lovely character but I think she shouldn't be mentioned until a few chapters later. As a reader, I want the focus to be on Analeigh. The rapid fire shift in povs gives me too much information too quickly and makes me want to stop reading.
| teapotdragon chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
This chapter was really cute. I like the setting, it sounds beautiful, and Analeigh seems very relatable. Grandma's voice was charming at the beginning of the chapter. I enjoyed the end of second paragraph where Analeigh makes assumptions about why the man is in the tower: "Was that how they attracted tourists?" I got a better feel for Analeigh's character with that line.
There were a couple points where the description lost me "caramel gold hair" for example. I think the description would read better if you just said blond hair.