|Reviews for Strange Tangled Adventures of Charlie|
| Jolly Red guy chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
You nailed the voices of these characters! It's almost like you had them write their own lines, ohohoho. I like how this first chapter focuses mostly on Lyra being attacked and coming back to life. It's so much easier to follow one story line at a time. Plus, I was really concerned for Lyra after she got attacked by that werewolf and became faceless. Poor Lyra.
The humour is so perfect, too! I love that Charlie is the equivalent of a police dog. Where do you come up with these ideas? I was dying with every sentence. And Tooth is such a kind soul taking in werewolf Seven, even when it could be dangerous. How does Tooth know that Seven won't go wolf and eat his face, too?
I love demon Don and how protective he is over Ann. You put such detail into these characters, their little quirks and personalities; I find them easily relatable. Ann even stole a penis in the first chapter! I'm so happy Lyra has such awesome friends. XD They are much better companions than those dogs who didn't even bother to save her. Your crazy ideas have amused me greatly and I love that they keep me invested in the story.
| Luckycool9 chapter 18 . 12/5/2012
Now to go and get Momma Sica. . I can't wait for more!
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
["You're not real, and you're only to transform on a full moon damn it! And my dogs are supposed to be protecting me! This is all wrong!"] XD
[Charlie was a giant bunny] OMG. I can just picture it. XDDDD
[resisted running a hand over his afro] I'm forever going to imagine Tooth with an afro. XDDDD
[And since you convinced my daughter to help you try and steal the Devil's penis she got kicked out too!] ANN? :D XDDDDD
[Ann snickered, and then pulled a nut cracker with batteries hooked to the razor blades were attached to the nutcracker part of it out of her pocket.] Oh. Mah. GERD. This. XD
["Mommy likes to watch people make themselves fat on all the deep fried foods, and then trip the fattest ones to see them struggle to get up!" ] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH what a awesome hobby XD
AJ! This is brilliant! LIKE ERMAHGERD, IT SOOO AWESUM. You had me dying with laughter multiple times, and just...just...JUST OH LORDWY THIS WAS SO FUNNEH! :D
| Complex Variable chapter 3 . 11/29/2012
The old english dialogue is HILARIOUS! XD
And the naked mole-rat thing is crazy! It's like Discworld, or something. XD
[There are numbers of graduates that have gone hither to use out training to lead better more fulfilling lives."] - - - XD. God, you took that to just the right place!
[They had a lovely lunch with the recovering valley girls] - - - I'm giggling all over this page, and they're the ideas that I've inspired! My god, what will people who are "out of the know" think? XD
["I'm going to close this door," Don started, "and if we don't go back to the parking lot then I'm going to kick someone's ass." Then he slammed the door.] - - - Why not make it "and if we're not this mole-rat by the count of three, I'm gonna kick some major ass."? XD
Interesting ending to the chapter—surprisingly serious, compared to what you've already written.
I will say, though, the first half of this chapter—when you flesh it out—could use the "lesson" that Lyra refers to when they arrive on the mole-rat. It doesn't need to be a meaningful moral lesson—it could be something like "do not make sexual advances to non-consenting turnips"—it just needs to be there, IMO, for a sense of completeness.
| Complex Variable chapter 2 . 11/21/2012
[There was no shot fired, instead the gun was lowered, and the figure holding it stepped forward showing itself. Tooth was sure he was dreaming as it was a werewolf. A female one with hairy boobies, but she had no skin on her face! There was just muscle and bits of tattered skin like it had been eaten off. Just like the woman dead in the park!] - - DX. Creepy! (In a good way).
Why not have the bus shout something random every time someone opens the door? XD
[Ann's eyes began to glow. Claws jutted out of her fingers, and horns sprouted from her forehead. A tail was whipping back and forth behind her, and she pounced on Seven. "Sacrifice your little boy penis to me!" her voice was deep and gravelly.] - - - That's pretty much an accurate depiction. XD. I would add "pretty" between "your" and "little", though. XD
["Charlie doesn't want you dickless yet. He says he has a use for you yet." Then she got up and went back to Lyra's side.] - - - I would add evil laughter here. XD
[Lyra cleared her throat and Ann stopped her incessant babbling. "It wasn't warty," she began to clarify, "he had a surgery done that puts beads under the skin to increase pleasure."
Seven nearly choked on the orange juice he was drinking. He sputtered, and coughed violently. Tooth smacked him soundly on the back until he finally ceased.] - - - That's... rather disturbing. Also, wonderful reaction from Seven. It says a lot without having to say it, if you know what I mean. XD
["Are you going to eat those, or just poke at them?"] - - - - XD. I can relate to that!
[ and in place of her left eye was a waving tentacle.] - - - I didn't catch that at first. XD
["But you're still existing, just in a different way."] - - - XD. Brilliant line!
[ As soon as the doors closed there was a loud mooing, and there weren't in the parking lot anymore.] - - - XD
["I'm gonna fucking haunt this bitch until she dies!" If there were any color possible for her Liv's face would be red with rage.] - - - For some reason, this reminds me of "An American Werewolf in London" (the movie), and it's silly sequel, "An American Werewolf in Paris". XD
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
Why not have Lyra hum/sing a song to herself? Oooh, why not: "My name is Jon Jonson, I live in Wisconsin," etc.? XD
[There was a sliver of silver that shone down through the light clouds rolling across the starry night.] - - - Nice sentence! I like "sliver of silver" a lot.
[Charlie was a giant bunny, the size of a dog] - - - - What kind of dog? Why not a Malamute (they're HUGE! :O)
[There was no sniggering now as Charlie began to hop into the woods that were on the edge of the park. ] - - - That would really shake up the ground!
[The boy looked up like he was about to bolt then settled down a bit. "Seven."] - - - So: Seven ate Lyra's face. XD. Yes; so very YES!
I would make Lyra curse more. Particularly unusual/esoteric cusses would be especially awesome (twiddlepoop, muckmidden, merkin, scalawag, n'er-do-well etc.). Yeah, you should add a character who has very long-winded, highly elaborate, sesquipedalian curses.
The swiss-army-you-know-what makes my man-parts feel uncomfortable. In a good way, I hope. XD
[There was a bell sound, and then glitter erupted from Lyra's form. As the glitter settled there was a hairy wolf-woman without a face kneeling on the ground.] - - - Why not have elevator music start playing during her transformation? Or maybe the "Jeopardy!" theme. XD
[Don turned, and headed for the door waving to two females to follow. "Ann wants to see her mother as she hasn't since she stole her first penis six years ago. So to start we will go to the Wisconsin State Fair."] - - - Duh duh-duh DAAHHHH! The quest begins!
*Reads Lyra's explanation of the bus' curse.* Damn, that's one old bus! My fifth great grandfather (on my father's side) is John Quincy Adams, so, that means that Volkswagon has been in business since the early 19th century. I did NOT know that! XD...
*reads follow up explanation*: [Lyra chuckled, "Very true, Ann. It was really a horse that was curse, but when the horse died it transferred to another horse, and then another until it went to the bus."] - - - Genius! XD
["Thanks!" the girl said before darting off to show her newest prize to Lyra.] - - - Where does she (Ann) put them? DX
["Oh... everything that comes through the speakers has a really bad Norwegian accent."] - - - Score! XD
This is gonna be AWESOME. Update soon! 8D
- - - - - - Everything Beneath This Line Is Stuff That I Find Especially Funny :) - - - - - -
[They were just sitting watching her with blank expressions.]
[While her dogs looked on the werewolf ate her face.]
[Tooth blinked, "like Seven of nine?"
"A borg from- nevermind. What are you doing out here Seven?"] - - - Nice reference.
[Why did her face itch so bad? ] XD
["A fucked up off timed werewolf ate it off while my dogs just sat and watched."]
["There's even attachments for it!" Ann said digging in her pockets.]
[She turned, with blood and brains all over her snout. "Let me show you my house!"]
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
[While her dogs looked on the werewolf ate her face.] Such loyal mutts. XD Poor Lyra.
[Tooth pushed his thick rimmed glasses up his nose, and resisted running a hand over his afro.] Huzzah! I get an afro. AWEsome. I'm sexy.
[...a 300 pound black body builder.] EVEN SEXIER. My ideal man - built like a rock, gentle as a kitten, dark chocolate edition.
["Does that mean i won't be alone anymore?" Seven asked with a hopeful look.] Seven's got that crocodile tears, pity-me-because-I'm-cute act down PAT. What a little rat.
[...And since you convinced my daughter to help you try and steal the Devil's penis she got kicked out too! What do you have to say for yourself?"] Hehe. Way to be epic, Don.
Ann is adorable. [She's so more way awesomer than you!] And also a brat. Perfect. x)
I love how the werewolf transformation starts off with her screaming and then ends with a magical bell gong and a puff of glitter.
[Once Ann was satisfied Don returned to murdering the man.] Such a loving family.
Awesome NaNo, AJ. Definitely some serious stuff in here.