|Reviews for My Boyfriend is a Vampire|
| toto23 chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
IT WAS ASWOME
| Catherine Stark chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
Ok, this was really good! I just have a few suggestions and I hope they help you! :)
First of all, make sure you edit the title. Just having "My Boyfriend is a Vampire" would suffice. Leaves more to be thought. Also, add a little more to your summary. It seems abrupt. You say "Vlad is a vampire" and BAM thats it. Most readers would be like "Umm...and?" Throw in a little comment at the end. Give us a reason to read it!
You need to add more emotion to when her sister is being sent away. I know that If my sister was going to jail I would be either crying or angry or feelings something in my gut. Of course she needs to clear her head but merely saying so is not enough. Paint the picture for us a little more. Make us feel what she is feeling. A little more details here and there can sometimes make or break the reality of the situation, if that makes any sense.
That is just a tidbit of really what I have to say about this. Description. Describe the setting. How they feel about each other when they introduce? Do sparks fly? Do thoughts cross their minds? Take us into their heads a little and make us understand their attraction. She needs to clear her head from her sister being sent to jail so why strike a conversation with a stranger?
Pretty much more description, a few read thrus and a few tweaks here and there and you're good to go! :) I enjoyed reading and see this going VERY far. You have something great here but a little polishing can't hurt! We all have room for improvement. I know I do! :)
Can't wait to read more! Hope this helps and sorry if it was lengthy. When I review, I do it to help and I hope this helps you!
Keep smiling and writing and can't wait to see what else you have!