|Reviews for Missing Gear: War of the Mist (Old version)|
| roxy chapter 5 . 3/14/2013
this is really good. i hope that you continue it because i will definitely keep giving you reviews.
| darkworld777 chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
The story is good and has a lot of detail, though at the end it gets a bit muddled at the end and makes it hard to follow. You also tend to switch between present and past tense. I recommend you stick to past tense, since it fits more with a story like this, and present tense sometimes feels weird to read.
| Loraine Wentworth chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
Wow, what an amazingly dramatic opening! You really drew me in with a sense of fear and sadness for the boy.
This contrasted well with the powerful end of the chapter. I have to say I definitely didn't see it coming- I assumed the execution would take place then the boy would run away. This is very interesting, so I will definitely be reading on!
| Felrain chapter 5 . 12/12/2012
Such an interesting story so far :o update soon!
| The Swan chapter 5 . 12/7/2012
Hey there, just wanted to review your story, so here goes! (This applies to chapters prologue – four).
CHARACTERS: Great characters. Just one thing: The story is good at creating images in the reader’s mind, but there’s not enough character description. That doesn't mean you have to bog the story down with descriptions of every minor character, just give some more idea about how the main characters look. Maybe start with Adam, Xavier, Selena, and Mikael. Mikael especially needs fleshing out physically, since I’m finding it hard to picture what a familiar looks like. Are familiars all unique, or do they all look slightly similar? Do they have some animal features? (I was imagining a creature a bit like the ones in the Tokyo Mew Mew anime series, but that might be way off the mark.
SETTING: I’m enjoying the setting. Again, more description would help, but too much description will just ruin it, so it’s pretty good as it is. It’s got atmosphere.
EVENTS: The blood type classification and powers are really interesting (and awesome ) but it would be nice to get some background on the issues, like the society, the war, why certain people have powers, etc. Obviously, you may be going to reveal all this later, so don’t be offended if I’m jumping ahead!
GENERAL: This story got me interested from the beginning, and doesn't stop being interesting. I can feel an anime/manga influence (although that may just be me), and it’s a very satisfying story from the perspective of visual content. I can picture what’s happening, and I think it would actually make a very good anime production.
COMMENTS: I’m interested to see how you develop this story, and I hope you update soon! Just one less positive comment: I know you haven’t edited it much yet, but if you ever wanted to look into publishing this or anything, it needs a lot of editing for grammar. (Feel free to be critical if you ever review me, too!) Other than that, keep up the good work! This story has potential.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 3 . 11/26/2012
Hey, I saw your request for reviews on Roadhouse, so I decided to come check it out. (I'm actually but it won't let me change my posting name?)
For starters, I like this story. It's very well written with an excellent use of descriptive words. I like how you used to blood types (I think that's how you did it?) for the people to identify themselves. The summary is very brief and dark, but it makes you wanting to read it. The characters and the setting are all unique and well done. Keep it up!
| Deserthawk chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
Nice start, it sucked me right in. The imagery was interesting. Especially that wheel thing. I wonder what that woman's 'crime' was... it seems they live in a very dystopian society (to say the least), maybe even religion is the ruling force?
Thought that lightning power was cool.
I'm guessing the kid's father is gone as well... wonder what'll happen to him now. I hope the 'bad guys' don't get him. Guess I'll have to keep reading :)
The only thing that kind of bothered me was I think sometimes you switch tenses?
Keep it up!