|Reviews for Box Without a Ribbon|
| riverstardust chapter 1 . 5/20/2013
Such vivid description of a simple box, well done! A roof of black makes me think of the sky, and how it limits us. Reminding us that we are all trapped on Earth until we can find a way to leave it without having to return.
But after reading the third paragraph, I feel as if it is more about our body, and how it becomes our cage. It limits us. We try our best to reach out at people, but our world is mainly lived in our mind. There is no escaping it, no total sharing with another being. We are all trapped, and life our body is our cell as life is our warden.
Brilliant poem, loved it!
| StephanieRenee14 chapter 1 . 3/4/2013
Amazing! :) Love it so much
| Angel from the Sea chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
Hmmm, I wonder what, or who is in the box. Nevertheless, I think it is a thought, an idea, that someone thought too (insert any adjective here) for the world to know. So he shuts it in the box, until he has forgotten what it was in the first place, and the idea so desperately wants to be heard.
That's where all of my headaches come from-the banging of the idea on the box that I shut it in. ;) You are brilliant.
I love this abstract poetry.
I wonder that you intended the box to be. Lovely writing.
| ahorizonforthenewbirds chapter 1 . 12/23/2012
This is a really good poem.
To me, it seems as though it's about depression, how we notice we're becoming depressed but often don't seek help until it's too late, until we're trapped. I love the formatting of this, I thought it was brilliant. I think the decreasing lines also add a negative mood, a depressive mood rather, because it signifies that the narrator is becoming too upset to really talk. I loved how it was facts in the first part, then 2 and 3 are emotional, while 4 is a darker mix of both.
The colours were cleverly chosen as well - the floor is white (innocence, childhood), the walls are grey (getting darker, realistic) while the roof is black, the colour of death and despair.
This is very minor, but the only thing I disliked was the boldness of the numbers... I think it sort of distracts from the actual poem.
This is brilliant though, I love it.
| Persevera chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
I like the line "a cage of black it was". It suggests that the darkness was as much an entrapment as the box itself.
In reading this I began to think of a coffin and someone locked in it who wasn't dead, but a coffin isn't square.
I like the ending. A box without a ribbon on top at this time of year just hints at something sad.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 12/13/2012
This is for the September RM. Sorry it took so long!
I liked how you described the box. It was different and clear. I really liked the third part though "an attempt at release" was a great line. I liked the formatting to with the dashes and ellipses. The only thing I did like was the ellipses after sealed. It just seemed a bit off to me.
| berley chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
Hey there from The Review Game. Thanks for sharing your poem on Fictionpress!
First of all, I liked the ambiguity of this poem. It had some mystery to it all the way to the very end that I thought was effective. It led the reader guessing what was in this box, and why it was important which was pretty cool. I did want to see a bit more concrete details instead of the abstract ones that you used closer to the end. I think a few similes or metaphors would help paint a great picture for the reader as well as solidify the tone of the poem. I do question the form and why you have it split in different sections instead of plain stanza breaks, and I would also suggest getting rid of the ellipses at the end.
I hope this helps!
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
Okay, so... being buried alive? Is that it? This is a bit too minimalist for my taste, but, whatever. It's certainly creepy, that's for sure. ;)
| Felrain chapter 1 . 12/7/2012