|Reviews for Altezza|
| Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
Review courtesy of the review game's review marathon (link in my profile).
I love this. Sometimes second person narratives can be so difficult to get into (that perspective generally feels so jarring for me), but I think you execute it fantastically here. There's something about the style of the prose that just sucks me in and I forget the perspective entirely.
I like how much detail you manage to work into it through each of your segments, not afraid to jump ahead a few years to tell all the story you want to tell. There's always the danger of leaving a narrative with a sort of "broken" feel to it if you cut it up too much, but in this case I think you handle it well enough that it never gives off that impression.
And I adore your characters, Vincenzo in particular. Gritty, intelligent, quick-on-his-feet older man with a sparkle in his eye and a quick wit? Yes please! The flavor of his dialogue is delicious, among other things, but I think I enjoy just about everything about him. He's the embodiment of sone of my favorite tropes as far as characters are concerned.
Since you don't write your dialogue "normally" I almost hesitate to say this, but honestly I still feel like it applies. You're not writing your dialogue tags correctly. It's a minor annoyance considering the writing is so well done, but it's one of my pet peeves:
[I can promise you that. Vincenzo replies] Should be: [I can promise you that, Vincenzo replies]
[Why? You demand] Should be: [Why? you demand]
[I don't understand. You murmur] Should be: [I don't understand, you murmur]
(And so on.) I.e. when you use a dialogue tag, put a comma right before where the closing quotation would be and lower case the first word to follow, since what follows is still part of the same sentence, not a separate sentence on its own.
"Blah, blah, blah," he said. NOT: "Blah, blah, blah." He said.
Anyway. Very nice job for the most part. Kudos. :)
| PoonCaptain chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
FUCK. OKAY. DONE. SO DONE. *no words*
This is not a proper review.
But my god. I have so many feelings for these two. If this doesn't continue i'll cry blood.