|Reviews for Critical|
| Ophelia Schmit chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
First of all, I would try to turn the whole story, and instead of turning it into one big 'blob' of a paragraph, space it out. The result is much neater when you have it all nice.
The words are not spelled right sometimes, but in a good way. He has an accent, and you really show this through. Perfect, it's so realistic!