Reviews for Repayment
blueagle246 chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
Very good! Great detail that really does a wonderful job at setting the scene.
Ophelia Schmit chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
-Her silver eyes glistened with angry tears.

I know it's sort-of pointless to argue with something that's been published (great job, by the way), but hey, I'm a perfectionist. I believe that 'grey eyes' would be better suited for her eye color, unless it's silver supernaturally or other reason.

-Clutching her chest she glanced up at the window of the door, her heart almost stopped at who—or what she saw.

This sentence is good, it really is, however maybe a dash in the sentence, like this: 'at who-or what-she saw' would help. It even adds a little drama to it, something that would fit well in a story in this.

It's awesome that Death is similar to 'the ghost of the future' in a Christmas Carol (coincidence that it's only in a few weeks). I've never read the book myself, I'll admit, except I know the plot, and I love it anyway.

What's also great is that the interaction between the girl and Death is seamless. Beautifully written.

-After all, it was to be expected, she did kill her father's wife.

It would have been nice if it was clarified if:

a). her father's wife is a stepmother to her.
b). her father's wife is her actual mother.

Overall, great story. I enjoyed it.

Hermie