|Reviews for Calling Atlantis|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 5/5/2013
[her brother didn't even attend this…party.] sounds a bit off. Not sure if the … really works, either. Maybe just (her brother hadn’t even attended the party.) One thing I heard a while ago, and I think it’s very true, is don’t use italics for emphasis. They’re not needed, and they can jerk a reader from a story. Feels like there’s too much telling in some parts, rather than showing. Especially in the longer paragraphs – you may want to split them up a bit. As they are, on screen they can be a little bit of a pain to read, and some readers may switch off during them. When is this set? Because I originally thought it was an older era, but the paragraph about her sister makes it feel a lot more modern. I think you need to establish the time of it, and if it is older, don’t use phrases like ‘arm candy’. And…not sure if ‘dumb blonde’ has been around all that long as a concept? Just something to consider.
The last part, with the arrival of the man at her bedroom, felt a bit rushed. There wasn’t really time, as a reader, to feel much tension, so maybe build it up some more. I still feel like Elise isn’t all that interesting as a character, so maybe play around with her a bit more to give her more life? Just a few suggestions – hope this helps!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
As a NaNoWriMo novel, I think it's a pretty decent start. Reading it, there is the feeling of a plot building up but it's not as strong as it could be, but that may be due to it being NaNoWriMo more than anything else. (For me, anyway, I have no idea where my NaNoWriMo is going to go when I start.) I think, when you come to edit this, the main thing you want to work in for this chapter is building it up a bit more, putting in a bit more plot-wise to keep the reader intrigued, and focusing on showing rather than telling. At times there was a lot of telling information, rather than showing, and I think if you turn it more towards showing it'll help get a stronger grasp of Elise's character. Right now, she just seems a bit...I don't know. Bland, maybe, because the only thing here is really about her inability to do what she wants to do. Which is important, but I think adding a bit more into her character early on will really help a reader connect. But like I said, for a NaNoWriMo first draft, it's a good start. Hope this helps.
| Nalledia chapter 2 . 12/20/2012
It's good to see you expand on the characters, it makes them more real, as well as how everyone turns away from Elise. I'd like to point out a few things, though: 'Elise's not feeling well.' can't really be said that way, using 'isn't' is much better, and how you have it makes it seem as if 'not' could be a noun. Secondly, when describing Melanie, 'The woman was twenty, three years Elise's junior'… if Melanie is 20, and Elise is 17, there is no way Melanie can be younger (junior) than Elise! You're looking for the word 'senior', or change the sentence so that it reads as Elise being Melanie's junior.
Now, all of that aside, this man sounds like an interesting creature, and I'd love to know more about him soon. All in all, a good chapter.
| Nalledia chapter 1 . 12/14/2012
This seems a fair start to this story - I just wish there was another chapter! You've set the scene nicely, I think, without dragging out every single detail, which is nice. So far, I have nothing else to say, only that I hope another chapter comes soon.