|Reviews for Little Lies|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 5/21/2013
I really like this – you build up the dynamics between the characters really well, in a short space. The dialogue flows nicely and the interactions work well. The descriptions really nicely build up the scene around them. There were a few minor things but I noticed another reviewer point them out so I won’t go through them again. I did feel like the ending was maybe supposed to be a sort of goodbye on Joan’s part, (not sure if that was what you’re going for) but it didn’t quite reach that point. Maybe a little more of the ending, the emotions, a little build up, would help with whatever effect you were going for. Other than that, a really nice short story, and I liked how you showed the different issues this family is facing. Good stuff.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
OPENING: I really like the setup here. The summary gives a vague indication as to where you're heading, and the opening paragraph supports that while at the same time not making it explicit. You settle into a nice balance too: introducing a character while at the same time describing the setting and not in an unbiased way as well; rather you incorporate the character into the setting and give it the sense that there's no wasted moment in your description that follows. That's a really good thing in a oneshot, although I might have been concerned if this was a multichapter as you've tied it so closely with the context it is currently in, as I can't imagine another scene in the same setting - if that made any sense.
[The lot was empty with the exception of his black Ford Focus and his brother's empty Plymouth Sundance parked three spaces to his left. The Sundance was white and rusted. Justin bought his vehicle three months ago.] - I think that would work better as a paragraph of its own as opposed to linked to the first paragraph as you have it. There's a jarring pause in between that doesn't really make sense.
I also think that, since you've started out with an omnipresent POV, you should introduce Tracey before giving her a piece of dialogue. Like the above paragraph, it feels like she's been thrown into the story instead of eased into it. There were a few other places where that happened as well, but I think those were the two that stood out most. Maybe because they occurred so early in the story.
["Who's this, Justin?" Michael asked. He grinned at Tracey and rubbed the side of his head where the ball hit him. Tracey offered her hand to Michael. Justin was never good at introductions.
"My name's Tracey. You must be Michael. Justin told me all about you." Michael shook Tracey's hand. "I want to offer my deepest condolences."] - why a line break?
The conversation between Justin and Tracey did a good job in speaking about both their character and their relationship. It almost alluded to the "love at first sight thing", but that speaks well of Justin and also touches about his reluctance to emerge from the car. In that sense, it was well played. I don't get this part though: ["Please don't change the subject."] - there's only one line of dialogue before it, so don't change what subject?
On the other hand, the conversations that follow turn that innocent picture on its head, so that was a twist, but not one that's totally out there, even if I didn't expect it. I love the subtelty you worked into this. On the down side, because of how many words you spend on it it does take away from the scene and the real crust of your summary, so there's that to consider. Which was your main focus and which was simply the support? Particularly with the other things you had going; it's quite involved for a oneshot, and I think some of the things could have been better expressed if you had more words to do it with.
ENDING: To be honest, I wasn't too thrilled with the ending. It feels like I'm still waiting for something. There are some open ends floating around; particularly that last line doesn't provide me as a reader with any closure. I would think Michael's reaction is important at the very least, even if you leave the other issues be.
| jj1027 chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
Greetings from the road house!
Very, Very well written. I liked the themes of deception, and the who broken family this you have going. It reminds me of my own family dynamic. The little lies were both very interesting and believable. The only thing I would have liked to see would be more length, maybe another chapter devoted to Tracey and Justin, or Justin's relationship with his family.
If you could repay via a review of war of the Shadows I would really appreciate it.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 1 . 12/11/2012
This was so sweet. The family had issues, especially his seventeen year old girlfriend. Every family has issues, and this was written to highlight those issues but still make them see functional and happy. I honestly love this, it was heartbreaking, sweet, and lighthearted all in one. Kudos to you, and I'm the first review! (: