|Reviews for Slice of life|
| EL Naples chapter 1 . 12/16/2012
Alright, I'll be blunt here. This story has potential, but...you're using an info dump on the first page, which is a huge no no in any story. I'm not sure if you know what an info dump is, but if you don't, short and sweet of it is: when a writer uses several paragraphs to tell readers a large amount of information in one blow rather then weaving it into the story.
This isn't a good thing, and the story seems to have an interesting setting. Maybe start by moving your first chapter here and weaving all of this prologue into part of a chapter? Or better chapters?