Reviews for City Boys
HybridStories31 chapter 1 . 12/9/2013
This chapter is engaging and interesting. But there are a few problems.
You go from the boy going to be late to school to him already being at school, with no transition to tell us that he had arrived.
I've noticed some spelling errors, but I think those are due to differing locations than actual errors. (I'm from the US so we spell words differently than in some parts of the world.)
I so think that the ending at least could benefit from some more detail. The middle of the chapter was so detail heavy that when I got to the end I sort of felt like there wasn't enough to detail to make the scene's come alive.
But anyway this is an interesting and engaging story.
FinnickOdairFan chapter 11 . 9/29/2013
Mercuro cares for Mike even if Mike doesn't care for him.
FinnickOdairFan chapter 10 . 9/29/2013
Oh, my, I feel bad for Mike for having a family like that!
FinnickOdairFan chapter 9 . 9/29/2013
Nice chapter, looking forward to reading more :)
FinnickOdairFan chapter 8 . 9/29/2013
Ooh, I love this chapter, especially when Mike's teaching Mercuro to shoot and the barman comes out and yells at them.
FinnickOdairFan chapter 7 . 9/29/2013
Mercuro is a very clever guy :)
FinnickOdairFan chapter 6 . 9/29/2013
I love the way Mercuro and Mike have a love-hate thing going on.
FinnickOdairFan chapter 5 . 9/29/2013
I love this chapter :)
FinnickOdairFan chapter 4 . 9/29/2013
Mercuro is a very clever boy with his ways to get Mike to like him :) I can't wait to see where you take them.
FinnickOdairFan chapter 3 . 9/29/2013
I loved how you kept "The boy" a mystery until now. It really keeps the reader hanging on and wanting more :)
FinnickOdairFan chapter 2 . 9/29/2013
You are a very good writer and I love your characters :)
FinnickOdairFan chapter 1 . 9/29/2013
I like this story and I like how it's a different type of story :) Can't wait to read more!
BLOOD RED GEISHA chapter 1 . 9/14/2013
This is sad and dark. I find Mike interesting. Why did he not stay at his parents house? Did they kick him out or abuse him to the point he fled? I still wonder what symbol he made- it can't be a cross because well its part of the catholic fate no? Mike's world reminds me of ours- divided by racism, nations etc. And i interpreted your last part as that he was most likely gay or maybe even transgender. it sucks to be gayor transgender and treated like trash for something that can't be helped. I like the description anad solemn, grave voice of this narrative - keep up the good work !
Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 17 . 8/28/2013
As I read the beginning of chapter seventeen, I am still trying to figure out why Mike was so amazed by Fernando and why it is that Fernando shouldn't be completely thought of as a nice guy, nor a good guy. I hope to find out more about him as I read farther into the story.
I really love Mercuro right now. He's asking the questions to everything that I am wondering about, too.
Now I understand why Fernando should be looked at differently than before. For some reason, I still cannot think of Fernando as being a worse man that Mike currently is. In my mind, they are doing what is necessary to survive living in the City.
Nice chapter :-) I'm both sad and excited to read the last chapter.
Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 16 . 8/24/2013
I love the way that you are telling the story from Mike's point of view, it feels more like Mike is telling the story to us, the reader, rather than to Mercuro.
So far, I like Fernando :-)
''I thought again that I might get in to trouble . . . '' I think ''in to'' should be one word.
I love the way that Mike looked up to Fernando.
Nice chapter and I can't wait to read the last two.
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