|Reviews for Just live-But still be wise|
| TuSolusSanctus chapter 1 . 12/15/2012
While this is a good message, the way its written makes me think it should be in the poetry section. But, since it's not, I've come across it and will give a thorough review.
[Living a Christian life, is not as easy as people may think, but its not as hard either.]
Should be written:
[Living a Christian life is not as easy as people may think, but it's not as hard either.]
[Some people think of Christian's as arrogate, or spiteful. People who think they are better then everyone else.]
'Christians' in this sentence is plural, not possessive. Arrogate means to take something for oneself without justification. The comma is unnecessary. You are continuing a thought but used a period instead of a semi-colon. 'Then' should be in it's comparative form of 'than'. So this sentence should read:
[Some people think of Christians as arrogant or spiteful; people who think they are better than everyone else.
There IS a difference between 'its' and 'it's', and IT'S significant. You consistently used them wrong. When what you mean to say is "it is", you use 'its'.
You go from saying "at least not for the real Christian it's not" to talking about fake Christians. Doing that is confusing. You should have a transitional statement/sentence to help ease the reader into your next point.
I understand your point, but being religious myself, I have to disagree with one statement.
[Now is this a bad thing? Are you going to go to hell for such a thing?]
The answer is yes. Giving in to temptation, sinning, and ignoring God IS a bad thing.
[Even if its settle.] I don't really know what you're trying to say here? I considered that you meant to type "subtle" but that doesn't fit in context either. This sentence makes no sense.
[God's eye can always see though it] should be 'through'.
Otherwise is one word. Perfect is not spelled p-r-e-f-e-c-t.
The message is good and the ending is much better than the rest. It's very conclusive and summarizes what you were trying to say excellently.
Now you may be thinking, "Wow, just leave me alone! I didn't want you to dissect every aspect of the story and tell me everything wrong with it! Gosh!" However, my doing such is actually a compliment. I'm saying to you, "You know what, you've got potential! I'm going to show you everything wrong so you never make the mistake again."
So take my advice and listen to my comments. Before submitting anything else, I *highly* recommend getting a beta reader. Someone to read the story before you submit it, that way the final copy is as close to perfection as possible.
Have a nice weekend and keep writing,