Reviews for Psychronicles
xxxyx chapter 1 . 9/24/2013
Heya, I'm on phone, so I'll be concise:
1. Nice premise you have here.
2. Beginnings are often awkward, and seeing that this is your first story, I won't expect perfection. Don't worry.
3.- Tense got mixed up a lot.
4. - slightly awkward/stiff narrative. It could've flowed better.
5. the first half, most particularly, has an interestingly ominous and serious atmosphere fitting of the mistery genre.
6. - humour is not so interesting though.
7. excellent intelligent reasoning.
8. - noticeable punctuation issues: comma, long sentences, and dialogue punctuation
9. -characters do not sound interesting. Description is not so memorable, does not really flow into the narration, character voice and dialogue is also average.

Anyway! Don't worry, that does not mean that I don't like this story. I see great potential in it, and I would like to believe you have improved since. With proper rewriting, I think this can be turned into an outstanding chapter. Will delve further into the story. :)
Y. S. Wong chapter 6 . 9/23/2013
Prisha would start analyzing a room. Have to admit, that was pretty cool, though, how he deduced that there would be a trapdoor.

That is one morbid tree.

And way to go, Prisha. Let Rina do all the fighting and just sit back. (*w*)

Good chapter. Actually, good arc overall, from what I remember from my previous reviews.
cmaej chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
That's an interesting way to start off a story; people suddenly bursting into flames. That certainly got my attention.

I just hope Prisha turns out to be a more rounded. I enjoy the emo character, but only when it's done right.
Clear World chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
Gun Dam Franchise? I don't get that... I must be missing something.

So far, this detective story has a good premise. People blowing up through meal. Now who among that large crowd of people in the research team is behind it. I guess the lawyer. It only makes sense because lawyers are evil.

Hehe, but a more serious note, this story has a few typo mistakes, but nothing bad enough to detract from it's more thought out reasoning, which is willing well done. It shows that as a writer, you clearly know what you're doing so I hope that this mystery holds up to a high stander.

Character wise, each kid are distinct enough to stand out, but all I can wonder is... how special are these kids?
Lolitroy chapter 3 . 9/22/2013
I think you're lacking a bit of flow during battle scenes and stuff. The part where Ian (good character so far BTW) fights is kinda... choppy, dunno how to explain.

Kid detectives, huh? Like how you make the mystery genre :)

Ian, Rina and Prisha cound like good character :D definitely the kind I'll soon learn to love. Corey, hmm, not as much personality as the other three, but I guess that comes with time.

I'll leave you with 69 reviews just because. Kukuku.
Lolitroy chapter 2 . 9/22/2013
No worries, I got the last part pretty good BD

I like the premise in this. The PSI and everything seems interesting and easy to read. Also like your writing. Not too complicated (*v*)b very easy to understand and read. And the paragraph lengths... rabu them as well.


"Just according to keikaku." - XD
Lolitroy chapter 1 . 9/22/2013
Heya! Been wanting to read this for so long -w-'

Anyway, ggood start. The explanation with Nol seemed a little boring to me, but so far Prisha sounds like a definitely interesting character :D I like how you set up the first chapter, nice introduction (*v*)b

Ahaha, Gundam -w-'

Death Note influenced, huh? Prisha souunds like one of those young genius prodigies :D
Katsurou Shimizu chapter 1 . 7/22/2013
Yosh, here comes the Katsu review train.

And indeed, reading this chapter has shown your strengths as a tactician, especially in the way in you lay out possible deductions about the "combustion" case, (Very very "Death-note" like. I can see where you would use the reference as I did ;)). Mystery is certainly a forte genre for you.

What could do with some work is what the other reviewers already have reiterated with regards to the balance of exposition and dialogue. The wham series of events could do with some improvement too, especially with the how Doctor Nol simply so suddenly that I felt lost. So a build-up of him feeling a strange heating sensation and some monologues, before bam! He goes on fire.

For a pilot chapter, pretty solid, though probably way too many characters introduced at once. This is of course of a subjective thing, since I'm a man with a shoddy memory.

Keep it up!
riverstardust chapter 6 . 6/6/2013
Im curious about Prishas past! And suddenly im glad im not up against Rina xD shes so strong! Not that Prisha is weak... I got Rinas FMA reference in the beginning! Never read HP though...
Rebeccie chapter 22 . 5/30/2013
Woahh new chapter! Yay :)
I thought that Prishas fight with Balgo was epic, I especially love how intelligent all of his fights are. And he defeated Balgo a lot easier than I thought he would. No fight so too hard for Prishyy! :D although he did struggle a bit, he pulled through in the end.
Y. S. Wong chapter 5 . 5/28/2013
Crazy religions and cults, huh? Well, I think your portrayal of that was pretty well-played. Those kids are far too clever for their own good, too. Enjoyed watching their interactions as they tried to figure out the cult this chapter.

Gonna be interesting to see what role Corey plays in the resolution of this arc.
Rebeccie chapter 20 . 5/27/2013
[A strange man with black star shaped hair] I’d imagine that would take quite the amount of hair-gel.
Not much happened in this chapter, other than introducing characters and stuff you’ll probably be needing in this arc. I feel that this chapter pales in comparison to your next one, which, I must say, is one of the most exciting and action-packed in the series. But you know, I guess you can’t do anything without this chapter. (:
Anyways, about the next chapter too, I loved it and it left me with a lot of questions. How will he defeat Balgo? Balgo seems like one of the most powerful adversaries Team Freakshow has come across so far. And how are they going to solve the mystery this time? So yeah. Like I said. Please update asap, you do so really slowly
Rebeccie chapter 19 . 5/27/2013
["YOU DID NOT JUST ACCEPT IT!" Rina bursted out in shock.] Yup yup Rina, oh yesh he did XD
You do bring it up a few times, and I still don’t get it. What exactly is face faulting? I do guess it’s some anime-related thing that I would know, it’s just that I wouldn’t be able to know what it is without seeing a picture or something. And it seems to show disappointment. Please explain DX
Hehe I also don’t see why Rina isn’t happy with the nickname Pigtails; it’s such a cute name! XP Ah wells.
["Mitsu!" Rinu exclaimed seeing] Rina.
Well, great onwards march in terms of world. In any shonen organization, there’s bound to be a powerful head
Rebeccie chapter 18 . 5/27/2013
Prisha chibi-fied! I can totally imagine that, and in my mind, it is CUTE AS. It’s all chubby and grumpy
["Masaka!"] LOLOLOL I never understood this word the first time I read this, I thought she was just saying Markster or something weirdly. But now that I get it, it’s strangely amusing.
Annddd so this arc ends. Nicely wrapped up, with a bit of light-heartedness and humour. Just what I love in an arc ending. The beginning has to be funny and have some sort of complication, the middle has to be action-packed and emotional, and the ending back to being light hearted again. It’s great; this series seems to fit into that scheme rather nicely.
Rebeccie chapter 17 . 5/27/2013
The chapter title is written as CXVII as I see it, you should go fix it
Oh yeah! This was the favourite chapter I was talking about. Maybe because I like shorter chapters were everything is clear and easy to follow. The action here is not overdone and good too. Good job.
And in answer to your author’s note: yes, you do have a lot of short alien fights. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Long battles where nothing happens other than them getting srsly injured are a bore after all. It’s good you keep your individual battles within one chapter.
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