Reviews for Psychronicles
Max Sorrell chapter 4 . 3/12/2013
Great chapter. This new arc is really off to a great start. I found it neat how you still included God in your story. Just be careful though. Often times mentioning God (especially in stories like this where they portray the idea of a colt as sort of a good thing) can be little touchy to some readers, myself included. So far you haven't said anything that offended me, but I warn you please be careful what you do say, especially if you still want a large percentage of readers without offending any Christians or other religions.
Max Sorrell chapter 3 . 3/12/2013
Sorry for what I said back in chapter one. I love the turn of events that this story took. It's actually pretty well done. I can't wait to read more :)
Max Sorrell chapter 2 . 3/12/2013
I don't have any real criticism for this chapter, actually I really like it. The action scenes were well done and loved the reference to Skyrim where Rina said the Ian would become a guard XD
Max Sorrell chapter 1 . 3/12/2013
I really like this story so far. The humor is great and I find the members of the Occult Society pretty interesting. You mentioned in this chapter that they each had struggles and their own reason for joining. I'm hoping that you'll expand on that later on. I was also really drawn in at the start when Doctor Joseph Nol died. Overall this story is really good so far. I mean I'll still have to read on and give more feedback, especially with the newer stuff, but I like this chapter! The only bit of criticism that I have so far is that the whole spontaneous combustion thing REALLY reminds me of Death Note. For a story with such interesting and original characters I really hope this story doesn't change into something where we discover that the killer is really writing criminals names down in a notebook, because to be honest if that is what you're planning that would be just as bad as taking a really original plot and calling it your own. If I were you and I chose to use a similar storyline to Death Note, then I'd at least say somewhere in an author's note that this story was inspired by Death Note.
Y. S. Wong chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
Well, so here I am returning the favor for your review.

First off, major tense consistency issues. When writing in past tense, even if something is happening in the present, it should be written in past tense. Write as though everything in the story has already happened and you're just telling the story to me.

Some instances of telling, not showing. Remember to try and flesh ideas out more. For instance, Doctor Nol's death happened way too abruptly. I was reading him leaving the lab and then all of a sudden in the same paragraph, he's dead. I get it's supposed to happen suddenly and unexpectedly. But you should describe such an important development in more detail to let it sink in for your readers.

I'd also like to suggest that you try and find other ways to drive the story forward other than dialogue. Apart from the first scene, almost this entire chapter is solely driven by dialogue. Try to balance it out with exposition and action. It changes up the pace and makes your writing read a lot easier.
hahakdog chapter 11 . 2/5/2013
haha, I seriously love this chapter XDD
hahakdog chapter 9 . 1/28/2013
interesting, as usual XD, i'll patiently wait for the next, then :)
hahakdog chapter 8 . 1/24/2013
Update! Update! I want more! What happened to prisha? Well, since it 's him, he's probably scheming something. Haha, and what would Rina do? And why do I have so many questions? Don't mind me...

Anyway, make it even longer if you want to, I'm used to reading overly long novels and I actually like it that way hehe,

Since I have already written this long, I guess I should continue...first of all, I wasn't able to login coz' i was eager to read this the moment I saw the update hehe... believe it or not, I couldn't get your story off of my mind, it's really "catchy", and I really love thecharacters ... especially Corey's I laughed real hard on the chalk part, just saying... uuuu
hahakdog chapter 7 . 1/21/2013
Good story, I lovethe characters and the story development and all... looking forward for some more... ha.. why is it so hard finding good stories like this?
Oh and please update soon
Psykofreac chapter 1 . 1/14/2013
Thanks for the input. I mainly left the first arc at that because I wasn't sure what else to add. I'll also try to check again if some of my early chapters have any mistakes when I have time. Well thanks for the input. It did help me regain interest in continuing now. I felt my latest chapters lacked a certain spirit I had earlier with writing. But now after a break and looking back I at least regained some interest. I'll continue some time soon
Yuuenchi chapter 3 . 1/14/2013
Right, having found your hideout thanks to the General chat thread of the rpg, own stories forum, I now have your story totally within my power: controlling the horizonal, and the vertical.

Right from the beginning, this has a surreal feel to it, as though the author wants us to question whether or not to take the tale seriously. The grammar faux pas, missing words, and tense slippage doesn't help much either.

That said, the story is quite a rush, I've yet to come across much "filler" in the stories. i like the Gossick meets Psychic-Sherlock Holmes with a dash of Detective Conan atmosphere. Except...the last line of chapter 3 and the first couple lines of chapter four (where I stopped currently) don't mesh either have an incomplete ending to this arc, or you forgot that you needed a transition. Still, I like what I've read so far.
Psykofreac chapter 2 . 12/23/2012
Thanks I guess that's also why I chose to make my first arc like this. Because I like the way I get to introduce my main characters.
r3dacted chapter 2 . 12/18/2012
Just finished reading both chapters, and I gotta say I'm loving these references.
You might wanna list the references in the Author's note though, or explain them. Just in case no one catches them.
Anywhoo, you completely had me surprised when you introduced the main characters, I ended up expecting those researchers to be the whole cast at the beginning. in a good way
Not sure what else to say atm, but I'm enjoying what I'm reading so far. I hope you continue this series.
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