|Reviews for Here Many Places Exist|
| Complex Variable chapter 6 . 1/22/2013
The transitions between sections could be done more smoothly, in my opinion.
Nice wintery scene. 'Tis very pretty. :3
["We've been waiting, Alexander, how have you been?"] - - - Confusing. Inserting names like this, given the abstractness of the "narrative", makes things hard to follow. Throwing in names just makes things worse, IMO.
[My voice cracks.] - - - Now we're in FIRST PERSON?! Xo CONFUSING! Straighten out your "narrative" voice—keep it consistent. It's really hard to follow.
[faster.. If only.."] - - - you need a third period to complete these ellipses. It should say "faster... If only..."
["The snow is melting; I think we need to go for times have changed."] - - - This feels/sounds weird.
You need to stop jumping around with your perspectives. It's immensely disorienting.
| Complex Variable chapter 5 . 1/21/2013
[drip rain across the grave.] - - - nice.
I'm ambivalent toward the use of the second-person narrative mode in this... whatever it is. ;) On the one hand, I like the intimacy it gives the piece—the sense that I, the reader, am part of the journey that the speaker is taking. At the same time, though, I don't like being told what to do by a disembodied voice on a piece of digital paper. xD More importantly, I thin the use of the second-person make the disorienting nature of the writing a little harder to pierce through.
Also, this is sad/disturbing, all the images of death and decay. :o
Also—why the bold text?
| Complex Variable chapter 4 . 1/20/2013
[ through the grins of the sandy past.] - - - for some reason, I want this to say "grains", not "grins". xD
[ stand with are legs frozen to the shore.] - - - once again, this is grammatically nonsensical. xo Being poetic doesn't mean you get to throw the language out the window.
[succumb to the waves push and pull.] - - - here, you NEED an apostrophe! XD "succumb to the waves' push and pull," — note the comma that I added in lieu of that period.
Okay, with the oil spill, this is starting to get creepy.
I would recommend joining this "part" with the one before it, seeing as the scene hasn't changed. It would make more sense, as well as be more readable, if you changed chapters only when the scene/world changed.
| Complex Variable chapter 3 . 1/20/2013
[and quick rain telling the secret cries.] - - - This doesn't make sense; I think you might be missing a word or a punctuation mark or two.
[You smell the salty seas as wave's crash upon the sandy shores.] - - - "wave's" is not grammatically correct. It means either "wave is" or "belonging to the wave". I think you mean "waves".
Okay, so the character is being transported (either physically or mentally) to a fantasy world. I get that.
I think this part should be longer, though.
| Complex Variable chapter 2 . 1/20/2013
Interesting. A little too abstract for my taste, but still, it manages to convey a ghostly impression of an urban landscape surrounding a train station.
I'd like to see some information given about light; like, is it day, or is it night? And—especially if it's night—how does the light interact with the surroundings?
Also, it fees odd that the character could hear laughter, considering how loud it can be in a raining city.
| Complex Variable chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
Having skimmed over this so far, I can say that this is definitely more along the poetry category than it is in the prose category.
Reading on... ;)
| Mylilblackpen chapter 10 . 1/19/2013
Aw this is such a sweet chapter, I did expect something ominous or the scene to change but I'm glad it didn't. The imagery was breathtaking, truly beautiful and its poems like this that make me love winter. Superb chapter and yet that foreshadowing "We pass" is back but where it will take us I'm not sure. Brilliant!
| Mistakes-and-Memories chapter 10 . 1/19/2013
I kept expecting the scene to change, but it didn't! I'm really happy that it didn't!
| Life'sInevitable chapter 9 . 1/10/2013
That was absolutely breathtaking. It had all the elements. Every emotion. Lovely.
| Mylilblackpen chapter 9 . 1/1/2013
Oh. My. God. That "We pass" phrase is back in all it's ominous glory. This chapter gave me chills with it's wonderful wording and sublime imagery. I've run out of compliments but I hope you appreciate this next sentiment, I'm loving this! Long may it continue! :)
| Mylilblackpen chapter 8 . 1/1/2013
I love the descriptive imagery in this, it's a superb mixture between fiction and poetry. I like the fact that the speaker seems so detached from it all, it's really powerful and gives the series a great backbone. This chapter has a great way with words which is just superb, I really felt myself follow each line only to be left with just two words at the end: "We pass." Very ominous. This is a great series, well done!
| Mylilblackpen chapter 7 . 1/1/2013
The imagery is nice and I like the sun never did stop shining line because it makes me think that sometimes we look back at our past with a rosy tint sometimes. This is a great piece and I'm liking what I've seen so far, I can't wait to see where else this goes. But I will have to leave it for a while because I need to do some other things but I'll be back post haste to see how this turns out.
| Mylilblackpen chapter 6 . 1/1/2013
This is puzzling me further. I don't understand what has happened to Alexander, is he revisiting the past and recalling not be quick enough to save someone? Very intriguing and the imagery puzzles me further. Is the snow a metaphor? Great piece.
| Mylilblackpen chapter 5 . 1/1/2013
Whoa, I feel like I've barged in on a sad moment between two people. The imagery, flow and pace compliment each other really well. I thought what was happening though was deeply distressing and I got goosebumps just from reading it! The line: "A grave is placed where we used to play" was really spooky because I could just imagine a child saying that and it really got to me. I just think it's really sad, I just thought of parents visiting a child's grave, while the rain, for me anyway, seemed like a metaphor for their tears. Whoa, just I think...I'm almost lost for words.
| Mylilblackpen chapter 4 . 1/1/2013
I like the imagery, again very beautiful and a very nice calm pace. I am a little confused though is this Part 2 or 3 - you chapter title and heading are different to each other. Thought I point that out. This is a nice piece, I'm still unsure what's happening though. It seems like someone is recalling there memories, almost reliving them, and that "Are you ready to go?" seems like the person recalling is ready to whisk off to another memory. I'm still enjoying it though.