|Reviews for The Hunter of the Wicked|
| Whitefire19 chapter 20 . 13h ago
Ooh, a new main character. I'm really getting interested in him and his daughter. Hope you explain more about them in later chapters, as well the organization hunting them. The new plot you're setting up is cool too. Jack just wants everyone to leave him and his family alone, but they won't.
| Whitefire19 chapter 1 . 4/3
Did Terumi really die so easily? That was a bit anticlimactic, not one of your best written fights. And all those new characters and random things they said made the chapter really confusing. New people like "Lilith" and "Legion," and new rules popping up out of nowhere without any explanation made it hard to keep up, like the white fire and the dragon race, the other uroburos members. Reader's can't care about those things if they only know about them for a few minutes during one fight. When writing a fight scene, especially a final fight, it's usually a bad idea to try to introduce this many new things, because of the fast pace. I was just kind of hoping it would be a longer, simpler fight between Terumi, John and Shiro, where each of them got to go all out, using all their forms and powers. The part where all the other demons popped out and wanted to fight Terumi was very funny, and that was kind of constant throughout as well. I was very hard to tell if you were being serious or just trying to be funny in this chapter. Still, I'm glad the story's not over yet. It means there's time for redemption.
| Whitefire19 chapter 18 . 3/11
Good one. I liked Shiro's abilities and the cyborg was an interesting take on Dracula, though I think his metal parts should be steel, since silver is deadly to vampires. Dracula looks like he's going to be a tough villain to kill. Hope he shows up more. I think you should give him a spear instead of a sword to fight with, because the legend of Dracula was based on a real person named "Vlad Tepes" or "Vlad the Impaler" who killed his enemies by ramming spears vertically through their bodies. The sword could still work for now though, if he's saving the spear as his ultimate weapon. Also, how can Norse gods exist in the same world as the Christian God, when the Christian God constantly proclaims in the Bible that he's the one true God?
As to what Odin and Thor look like, all I can say is that Odin wears and eye patch over one eye and the other gives him superb accuracy. He also wields a spear that never misses. Thor's got his hammer of course and he can use it to make thunderbolts. Do some research on these two. They're easy to find on the internet.
| Whitefire19 chapter 17 . 2/28
Wow, that was great. So much story in just this one chapter. I was kind of hoping for a lot of threats would be waiting for John in the demon world, since he is mortal there. It would've made the chapter a lot more exciting, but that's my only complaint. The demon world itself was well described. I really like this new character Lamperouge, and his funny, intelligent demeanor, despite his tragic back story. I hope he stays on for at least awhile. The twist at the end really got me as well. I wasn't expecting a girl to be the weapon, though I really should've considering that's a classic anime plot device. I can tell you draw a lot of your ideas from anime.
Just out of curiosity, did you copy this Lamperouge character from Code Geass? If so, you may want to change him some, because he is almost exactly like Lelouch Lamprouge. Another thing I noticed in the last chapter, but forgot to tell you about was when you wrote "Danger is real. Fear is a choice." That's directly plagiarized from the movie "After Earth." As someone who really wants to see this story become great, I'm telling you that you need to stop copying stuff directly from other stories. It makes this story less original, less fun and more boring. I much prefer all the cool ideas of your own that you used so much in the earliest chapters. Just something to think about.
| Whitefire19 chapter 16 . 2/7
I like the second ending better, the one where Henrietta kills the Oni. That makes it all the more surprising when she turns on Icarus. I'll be honest, this chapter wasn't as good as your chapters usually are, mostly because of all the needless sub-plots and plot holes. Why did Benke suddenly appear to Icarus? Why does he want to help? Why does Icarus need a demon weapon to kill Alexander? Why were there police at the temple? Why can't Henrietta speak Japanese? If she's not Japanese, why is she in Japan in a police uniform at a shrine? There's just too many questions left unanswered. I think it might've been better if God just told Icarus what he needed to do to kill Alexander. That would make it go faster and imply that God is scared of him. One of the most important things I've learned as writer is to never put something in a story that doesn't need to be there. Readers like short, sweet and to the point.
I do really like the idea of the demon world though, where John is just another meat sack. I can't wait to see what happens when he goes there.
| Whitefire19 chapter 15 . 12/20/2013
That was a cool chapter, though the dream sequence with John was kind of confusing. I'm glad I finally got to see some of Alexander's true power.
| Whitefire19 chapter 14 . 10/30/2013
AWESOME! I love how you showed the second half of the chapter from Alexander's point of view. That will make the story way more intense and interesting later. You also did a good job having John finally get hurt. He'll probably be really surprised about that when he wakes up. A couple of suggestions: you should really take out the second description of Alexander. You already described him in the third person POV, so there's no need to do it again. Also, you should never tell your readers to "look it up on the internet." I know what a kitsune is, but your should describe them like you do the people, so reader knows what they look like. It's fine to use Japanese mythology, but be careful not to rip off Naruto with similarities like "Susanoo". Nobody likes plagiarism. Other than that, incredible job. Looking forward to more.
| Whitefire19 chapter 13 . 10/22/2013
That was awesome, especially the torture scene. The one thing I would change is to describe what the demons look like a little more. Can't wait to see what happens next. Just a suggestion, you may want to ask someone you know to proofread your chapters before your post them. I love reading your chapters, but there are so many grammar errors that it's hard to understand what's happening sometimes, especially in a faced-paced fight scene.
| Pokemiah chapter 11 . 8/17/2013
It should be "sense" not "since". The other mistakes you made in this chapters are the common ones you made throughout the entire story. By the way, this story is a good one. I'll admit that I'm not very religious but I still believe that this is a great plot you set up for the book. Definitely, keep up the good work.
| Pokemiah chapter 9 . 8/17/2013
It should be "crowd" not "crowed". At the end, it should be "hear" not "here".
| Pokemiah chapter 8 . 8/17/2013
"Tell" should be "till" at the end of the first paragraph.
| Pokemiah chapter 7 . 8/17/2013
You misspelled "another". Once again, you used the wrong "there".
| Pokemiah chapter 6 . 8/17/2013
You misspelled borrowing. You also forgot the apostrophe after cities to show that it's the city's undesirables. City should also be singular in that instance. You also used the wrong kind of to when it came to the officer. It should be "too" not "to". And when John complains about the stairs, it should be "there" not "their".
| Pokemiah chapter 5 . 8/17/2013
I see a lot of errors in this chapter. At the beginning of the chapter when you were listing Jeremiah Dread's crimes, for the parts concerning drugs, you should have put, "made drugs, and sold them" instead of "making drugs, selling drugs" because it doesn't fit right in the way you're describing it with the rest of the sentence. Also, when John was falling, you should of used "were" instead of "where". When John put the combination into the warehouse, you said he put in A-277 when the murderer clearly said A-227. Myself is a word itself and does not have spaces in between my and self. That's all the errors I can think of for the moment. There might be more but I can't too sure. Anyway, I should have pointed out enough to help improve this chapter.
| Pokemiah chapter 4 . 8/17/2013
It's "matter" not "madder." Also, when John says, "Oh, I am sorry. Was I asking?" you should put a question mark there to show the readers that it's technically a question. Plus, I believe that you should focus a little more on sentence structures because these sentences seemed a little bit jumbled up.