|Reviews for Hell's Punishment|
| bradpara chapter 4 . 2/4/2013
| Guest chapter 11 . 2/4/2013
John just gets funner and funner and glad to see the update
| Megami-hime chapter 11 . 2/3/2013
Awww, and just when I thought he was getting a level in badass. Oh well. But, I do want to see how powerful he has become. And always remember the sacred rule of harem manga: Don't make the main too much of a wimp. If he is, then at least make him FIGHT to get stronger...and make him badass, too.
Can you read my story, Fion Online?
| Remillius chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
It's been awhile, eh? Nice story you got here. I noticed some typos tho. So I want to point it out so your not annoyed by others stating the same thing
Typo: The girl realized her she was and stood up
Correction: The girl realized where she was and stood up.
| bradpara chapter 3 . 1/2/2013
One more for the Harem. This is great really.
| Krozam chapter 10 . 1/1/2013
I have to agree with all that Anne Writer said. Usually it would bother me more, but I think it's because I see this in my head as an anime that I'm not really bothered by the flaws in the writing. I keep being more concerned about the pacing, plot progression and characters than the text.
About the chapter, looks like things are getting more interesting. John is getting more likeable, and now that the harem looks to be more or less complete, perhaps we're past the character introduction and can concentrate on other things more.
You should consider carefully how to advance from here on. Sacrifice harem comedy elements for more action and plot? Or slow down for a bit and concentrate on comedy and deepening the characters? Regadless, I think you should take Anne Writer's criticism seriously and strive to improve your text as well. I personally think slowing down and concentrating on description and digging into the characters' inner worlds - not just John's - might be the best way to achieve this. You have quite a large and interesting cast of characters now, and it'd be a shame to let them remain two-dimensional. Never forgetting to pay more attention to spelling and grammar, of course.
| Anne Writer chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
Your general concept is interesting and I personally like it and wish to find out what will happen next; however, you do seem to have difficulty in conveying your ideas. The piece is riddled with both spelling and grammar mistakes (that could be easily fixed with a spell check!) You often get your past, present and future tenses mixed up and you tend to rely too much on over used tropes as your characters often say things which are cheesy and out of the character you initially presented us with.
Lucfi is supposed to be strong and powerful yet she will degrade herself by having a “husband”?
I do intend to follow this story however sometimes it is painful to read. The motivations of your characters are often unclear and undefined. They currently seem 2D. Also your characters are Japanese right? Then explain to me why they have English first names and Japanese last names? You also tend to repeat yourself too much. You give information not relevant to the storyline and also rely on "inner dialogue" too much. If this was a play or movie it would be fine, but this a WRITTEN story. Keep writing but I recommend you strive to improve yourself. Keep at it!
Yours in Stone,
| silverteeth chapter 10 . 12/31/2012
Its funny as always and great with satan being nice was great to see
| Megami-hime chapter 9 . 12/30/2012
John has leveled up! Can't wait for the next chapter.
| zataro chapter 9 . 12/30/2012
This seems real cliche'. In anime there is either:
1. a man that kicks miles of ass, but hates fighting
2. a man that is a total wuss, who is accompanied by a woman that can kick a mile of ass
or 3. a man meets a woman and they each kick some ass (mainly each others) but are forced to work together.
but it takes a great writer to be able to take the cliche', and say fuck the world and write something good with it. These writers are few and far between, but i think we have stumbled upon one here.
| Krozam chapter 9 . 12/30/2012
BWAHAHAHA! I see you took my advice (or it was already coming and my last review was useless). That was a mighty entertaining, if short, chapter. XD
| Guest chapter 8 . 12/30/2012
Atleast he can think on his teos lol
| Scared Immortal chapter 8 . 12/30/2012
Poor John. His problems seem to multiply every time he meets a woman.
| Krozam chapter 8 . 12/30/2012
I don't usually enjoy seeing characters tortured, but maybe in this case John just isn't looking at things the right way. Despite all the danger, it might not so bad to have a harem of beautiful, strong women, have a well-paying job and be involved with the matters of heaven and hell. I mean, if John some day learns to appreciate the excitement, he might learn to enjoy his life as a whole.
tl;dr: John needs to man up and stop being an emo kid. XD
Looking forward to seeing what kind of character development he'll get in the future.
| Megami-hime chapter 8 . 12/29/2012
Great chapter! Seriously, add a tsundere to the harem! You already have a yandere, a loli and a busty angel, just add a a tsundere!