Reviews for Hell's Punishment
silverteeth chapter 7 . 12/29/2012
This is one of the funest storys here
Megami-hime chapter 7 . 12/29/2012
So she IS a yandere. Now just add a tsundere and John's life is truly a living hell.
Krozam chapter 7 . 12/28/2012
Hmm... Otherwise fine, but for some reason I really don't like this part:
_

John stood still as Mika approached him. Mika dropped her knife and hugged John.

"I… I love you!" Mika cried.

John's eyes widen in deep shock. Mika cried into John's chest.
_

It's too... easy. John did nothing, and yet the situation resolved itself so nicely. If it were me, I might have, for example, had Mika really swing that knife, though weakly, with no true intention to kill. Then I would've had John block that with his arm (getting wounded) and hug her, apologising for whatever he'd done to make her so angry. After something like THAT I could see her just crumble and confess.

The way you did it leaves John way too passive. It just makes me think he's is one of those useless harem leads who don't deserve the love of a girl, not even a murderous yandere.
Krozam chapter 6 . 12/25/2012
Pretty interesting. I've always liked mythology-inspired fantasy stories.

I like the comedy, this is funny and entertaining. You might want to beef up some scenes with a little more description, though. Rapid pace, stress on dialogue and action are all good, but sometimes it just feels too jumpy.

And for heaven's (or hell's?) sake, find a beta reader!
Megami-hime chapter 6 . 12/25/2012
My yandere senses are tingling.
Megami-hime chapter 5 . 12/24/2012
So Michael is the villain? Hmmm, interesting, very interesting. I wonder what really happened back then...
Jax Creation chapter 1 . 12/24/2012
Haha, this is interesting XD Very funny tee hee. Poor John, life just likes to kick him when he's down, doesn't it?

"Married" to the Devil, eh? Haha, sucks to be him.

Good work! :3

Nit-pickiness:

*Random present tense: "After school, John [walks] home through an alleyway."
—[walked]

*Missing word: "I don't [know] why I even bother..."

*Grammar: ""Hey, you alive[?]" John asked."

*Tense: "The girl [notices] John and [looks] around the room."
—[noticed], [looked]

*Tense: "Lucfi's [missing word] [lights] up in flames."
—[lit]

*?: "Yes from time to time I'll allow [missing word] to soil me"
—soil me...? Sounds... dirty XD
Megami-hime chapter 4 . 12/23/2012
heh, pretty good. How many girls would be in his harem?
Scared Immortal chapter 3 . 12/23/2012
Lol. Keep it up!
Megami-hime chapter 3 . 12/23/2012
I didn't expect you to update so fast. Well, good chapter. Don't know if I should pity him or envy him.
Megami-hime chapter 2 . 12/22/2012
Just a suggestion...Maybe you should name Lucfi "Lucy Fer" Instead. (Lucifer...Lucy Fer...)
Anyways, good chapter. Maybe you should make this a harem.
bradpara chapter 1 . 12/22/2012
Really good start. I am going to enjoy reading this.
Megami-hime chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
Pretty good story. MOAR CHAPTERS!
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