|Reviews for Sunshower|
| Zappe chapter 1 . 5/5
A beautiful story with lovely imagery. :)
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 9/14/2015
What a lovely piece! I love the sweet melancholic feel of it with the lost love and sacrifice that was not at all melodramatic because of the simple narrating voice. The satisfaction of proving a smugly sarcastic deity wrong was an added bonus! I like as well the inclusion of the Japanese words and background details, which established this firmly in terms of time and place.
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 11/7/2014
Plot: Wow, quite different from your usual fare, and I found that quite surprising – because there is a certain formula to your stories, and this one is just quieter, sadder, sweeter. But that's not a bad thing at all, because I think it's nice to see that you can do something more melancholic and I dare say, 'traditional', like this. The plot works well, because you recreate it in a very simple way to Japanese fables, and thus make this story work, because it's like a homage, or a tribute (it works, because it shows fondness and respect as well as a certain awareness of plots like this). What I also feel makes the plot work is the very straightforward yet emotive retelling of this story; it takes place in the present, but still seems removed, because you set it in the far past (which is further made clearer by the use of the present tense). I like how you use various elements throughout the story over and over again: like the foxes, the garden, or the wishes themselves. Also, the twist of the story is still present, because the man doesn't remain selfish, but decides to let his wife go, despite the pain and suffering it causes him. I also like how there is a cyclical process to this story: the wife died because of her having been a fox all along, beforehand. But yes, it's a very beautiful story with a plot that works for me, because of the universal themes it tackles, and the way it promotes hope and compassion, rather than selfishness.
Writing: I found the writing to be very descriptive and beautiful; it didn't have your usual quirkiness, but that worked well for the tone of this story. If anything, I'd say the writing style was peaceful and nostalgic, as well as more refined, because of the keener attention paid to Japanese names and the scenery/surrounding. I liked how you told in the past tense, because it made it clear that this was a fable, and also ensured that a distance was established between the reader and the events of this piece. I also liked how you made everything so vivid; it helped to envision everything going on. Also, the piece was just very emotional, with you giving us direct insight into the old man's thoughts and feelings. I liked how this made the piece seem personal, though you also made it more like a fable by keeping things omniscient. You get the feeling that this told through the eyes of an all-knowing being that has observed and seen a lot. I like that too, because it adds a certain layer of complexity to this piece.
Character: I very much liked the old man, because he was compassionate and kind-hearted. I felt that his only flaw was that he was too kind-hearted, perhaps – it would have spared him a lot of pain, if he'd been a bit more selfish. On the other hand, I think he would have been punished, if he had been a bastard, so I appreciate that he didn't follow the steps of your other characters. He chose the right thing to do, and earned the love and respect of the foxes :3 I loved that his main motivation in life was simply to live a simple life and make sure that his wife was happy, no matter what her form or shape. I also liked the first fox he encountered, because of how mysterious he was and polite. I liked that he seemed cynical towards the end, because it suggests that he expected the old man to fail. I think it just showcases how disappointed he's been by humans – it also makes his character deeper. I liked Midori and her sister too, because of their loyalty to each other and their kind-heartedness. They are quite different from the stereotype of female fox being vixen and mischievous.
Relationship: I could have listed another category, but for the fundamental theme of this piece was love – and that aspect is most noteworthy in how the old man loved his wife. I feel that his love for Midori went beyond the usual cliches; he didn't want to possess her or sleep with her, but just to have her happy. I liked that his love for her was strong enough to enable him to let her go. In a way, he kept her like this, because she remained with him, and even mourned him when he was gone. I also liked how you touched upon the love between family here, showcasing that sometimes that can extend other duties, such as marriage. I found it touching that Midori wanted to care for her sister so, and I loved that she did not let her go, no matter what. I liked that she still cared for her husband though, and did not try to manipulate him. All in all, I found all of the characters here very selfless in their love and devotion towards each other.
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 5/2/2013
I really like how you wove mythological aspects into this narrative. It felt like a creation story. Towards the beginning I think you could have lightened up on the use of naming things in other languages because it felt tedious to read. You also didn't utilize that technique later in the story so it felt off balance. I was immediately intrigued by Mikos story, although I do wish that you had spent more time on her characterization. I feel like her back story and then her husband setting her free came along too soon in the story. The reader didn't have enough time to acclimate themselves to one plot before you changed it. Keep up the good work.
| TequilaMockingbird19 chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
[Bulbous clouds that threatened rain loomed in the distance, and a gustful wind sent a shiver through the white pines.] I like your choice of words here, though I think 'gusty' could replace 'gustful'
There were a few punctuation issues here and there, such as the absence of commas where they're needed but they're minimal.
["You must excuse me." The fox man said.] I had dialogue ending issues to but people on FP helped me out. The period after 'me' should be replaced by a comma.
But you know, I think the image was clear, it was sort of relaxing to some point. Also, I think it was well-researched, seeing the terms you used.
Hm, have you considered expanding the story? I think it was okay as a short story but more details and more scenes can add further details into it and it lessens the chance of having a sort of cliche fable.
Overall, I think it was a good story with great images... Just a bit more scenes, maybe?
| Ed Harley chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
Most of the story had a good old fable quality. I liked the conversation with the thunder-god. I have some suggestions.
1) Start out quicker. The top four paragraphs could be condensed. Basically, a man in his garden hears a yelp and finds a trapped fox.
2) Clarify who exactly his wife is: was she a goddess all along, was that not really the same woman?
3) cherry blossom from his commode- ? unsanitary
4) Clear up the last couple paragraphs. I really didn’t understand the ending at all.
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 1/1/2013
I like your concept here. It has a nice fable-like quality to it that works well. However, as a short story, I felt like this was very rushed and abruptly handled. This read very much like a summary for a longer work, like a plot proposal. There wasn't really a feeling of a "story" per se, just the outline of one. Of course, many fables are told in the same stilted, straightforward manner, so I suppose this could be seen as legitimate, depending on your intentions for this piece.