Reviews for The Family Dinner
professional griefer chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
I didn't like the length of this. I know it's a flashfic, but it seemed just a bit too short. You mention a few things about the characters, but never really expand upon them. I just think it could use a bit more length to make things smoother.
Also, I thought that your narrative style seemed a tad pretentious, both the words you used and your flow seem a bit stiff and confusing, almost like you're trying to confuse the reader with your knowledge of language. I thought it could stand for a bit of dumbing down (but maybe that's just me, lol).
I did like what the piece is about, it seemed very true to life, and I have the same problem with my family at gatherings. It felt personal to you and you made it interesting.
Nice work.
Dr. Self Destruct chapter 1 . 12/29/2012
Hello from the Review Game!

[Her father yells, but she was not really afraid.]

You slip into the present tense here. Changing the "yells" to "yelled" will fix that.

[It was the same awkwardness at thanksgiving,]

Thanksgiving should be capitalized.

[the exact same sideways glances at each other at birthdays.]

I think you can take out the "at each other" since it's already implied by the "sidelong glances."

[Until the next holiday or birthday or once in a while a funeral, ]

I suggest taking out the "once in a while a" so the sentence structure is consistent.

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I really enjoy the underlying theme here, of how people eat to avoid conversing with their family, because I think it's a very unique way to look at family gatherings and it puts the reader in the position of a person who doesn't get along with her relatives. Which may or may not be a popular feeling the average reader sentiments.

I also think the fact of bringing up how sausages are made, and then comparing the meat to feces stuffed inside an intestine is a very vivid image and rather disgusting, haha. But it definitely serves its purpose and adds to the tone of resentment throughout the flash fic.

[Antonio was more afraid of his daughter than she was of him, after all.]

This intrigued me. I know this is flash fiction, but I sort of wished you had gone a little more into this. Maybe instead of this sentence, you could give an example as to *why* her father is afraid of her? It doesn't have to be anything too extensive. Did she pull a knife on him once? I think you can come up with something to clue the reader in better as to why her father is afraid of her instead of just telling it, because considering his actions throughout the flash fic, I'm not entirely convincing he's afraid of her.